common placing

The knowledge of yourself will preserve you from vanity. -Cervantes


I prefer rogues to imbeciles, because they sometimes take a rest. -Dumas

Lent

I'm giving up Facebook and my blog for Lent.  I hope you'll join me after Easter-- for something new and improved!!!

Dark and Stormy

It was a dark and stormy night...  Actually, it is a dark and stormy night.  Really. No Edgar Allen Poe or ghost story here.  "Dark and stormy" have been on my mind on a metaphorical level as well.

It all started with teaching Chapter 8 in Luci Shaw's book on journaling titled: "Dealing with Your Difficulties."  It was a hard chapter to read but helpful.  Several of the class members said it was the most useful part of the book.  She writes about being honest with yourself about your emotions-- to pray and write about them before you do something you'll regret.  We discussed how hard life is.  I used to think it was personal, but I'm getting the sense that everybody gets their share of heartache.  It comes in so many forms.  But, it's so hard to walk through it instead of avoiding it.  There's a necessary degree of survival mode to dark times because some days getting to evening can feel like a miracle.

However, millenia of Judeo-Christian tradition tell us that there's more to darkness and suffering than survival.  Say, the Book of Job and Lamentations to go for the obvious.  The passion in all four gospels.  One third of the Psalms are lament.  A third.  And, according to multiple theologians the Psalms are the anatomy of the soul.  Our souls are one-third lament?  Here's the poem I put at the end of the hand out for the class:

“To Know the Dark” by Wendell Berry

To go in the dark with a light is to know the light.

To know the dark, go dark. Go without sight,

And find that the dark, too, blooms and sings,

And is traveled by dark feet and dark wings.

Then after teaching the class, I had a couple of potent conversations with several friends over a course of a few days.  My friends our dealing with some heavy stuff-- some painful difficulties.  I woke up at 4:20 on Saturday morning with Isaiah 50:10-11 on my mind (who knows what I was dreaming?):

Who among you fears the Lord
    and obeys the voice of his servant?
Let him who walks in darkness
    and has no light
trust in the name of the Lord
    and rely on his God.
¹¹ Behold, all you who kindle a fire,
    who equip yourselves with burning torches!
Walk by the light of your fire,
    and by the torches that you have kindled!
This you have from my hand:
    you shall lie down in torment.

There's a large part of me that wishes that there was something more than "trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God" that God offers "him who walks in darkness and has no light." But, that's the gospel: our only hope is God.  There is no "more than." The Bible is no self-help manual.  

Back to the Psalms. Although a third of the Psalter is lament, all but one Psalm ends in praise.  Psalm 88 ends with "Darkness is my only friend."  But, every other one, even the most dire ones like the one where babies heads are getting bashed on rocks, end in praise and hope.  This literary structure is instructive: it really shifts momentum from the situation to God without dismissing the problem.  David got into plenty of pickles-- some really impossible ones.  But, he ended up finding comfort in the goodness and power of his God... who is our God. Darkness can be our friend if it brings us closer to God by ridding of our illusions of power and control.  Or as Flannery O'Connor who died of lupus at age 39 said, "We are all rather blessed in our deprivations if we let ourselves be, I suppose." 

Winter Cooking by Mad Chef, Jr.

I'm finding it really tricky to eat vegetables right now.  Salads aren't doing it for me: the produce section is incredibly expensive and sad.  Plus, I'm craving comfort food... but I still need to fit into my clothes.  So, I'm crock-potting it.

I'm too busy during my work week to cook, so I cook vats of vittles.  I try to prepare at least two different meals because it becomes tedious to eat the same thing over and over and over again.  I can fake myself out when I alternate chili and Moroccan Stew.  I freeze some of it in individual containers so that I can just grab something on the way to work or when I come home hungry.  It gives me good reason to stay away from fast food.  It can also be inexpensive.  I'm becoming a bigger fan of vegetarian because of the money factor.

Cooking multiple things at once also consolidates cleaning time.  You clean up once.    And, I'm leaving out that I cook steel cut oatmeal and put into a big tupperware and scoop it out in the morning and heat it in the microwave with a splash of water.  Because one can only consume so many protein shakes. I'm also cutting up carrot so I have something crunchy to snack on that isn't chips or other forms of simple carbs.  Bananas, oranges, carrots, shredded cabbage and onions are about the only thing I'm buying in the produce department right now.  Because everything else is a very sad expensive.

Pinterest is awesome for finding recipes.  My sister contends that Pinterest is a dumbed down version of Digg for women.  She's probably right-- I don't come away from Pinterest intellectually stimulated, but I do come away psyched to cook.  My favorite recipe websites are skinnytaste and forksoverknives and friends' recipe boards. Here are the recipes I've most enjoyed because I successfully made them, they're relatively inexpensive, and they store well.

Asian Noodle Salad by Eclectic Chef

Asian Noodle Salad: I made this after buying some Asian Noodle Salad at Trader Joe's for lunch.  I thought, "I could make this healthier, cheaper and better than this."  And, I was right.  Notes: I can't find good red cabbage right now. Splurge on the cilantro-- it's worth it.  I use whole wheat spaghetti. I use edamame instead of peas.

Skinny Taste's Spinach Lasagna Rolls

Spinach Lasagna Rolls: These are really yummy and easy.  They look kind of fancy too. These are perfect portion control.  Next time I make them, I'm going to add diced up carrots and more spinach.  I used a spicy hot spaghetti sauce-- and it was really nice.

Forks Over Knives' Chickpea Ratatouille

Oven Baked Chickpea Ratatouille: This stuff is fantastic served over brown rice.  This dish was my biggest surprise.

Moroccan Lentil Soup

Moroccan Lentil Soup: Easy to make.  Fun spices.

Please share your favorite easy recipes!

Parenting Trends and the Church

Read New Republic's article How Older Parenthood Will Upend American Society and Seeking Alpha's Chinese and American Demographics Contrasted and weep.  Or, if you are in my shoes: feel guilt and shame from the Parenthood one and a depressing vindication with the other.

Macro view: I know such news isn't new.  The Romans dealt with this issue as did almost every culture where women have choice regarding their futures-- the mother's death has been a common side effect of birth throughout history.  We've largely distanced ourselves from that reality, but we haven't the costs of parenting-- women still bear the brunt of that.

Micro view: I also come from a family who has only one aunt who started having children in her 20's.  My mom had her first child at age 31 and her last one at 41.  My grandmother had her last child at age 41.  Neither my brother or uncle has any birth defects. It never occurred to me that I would have children in my 20's, but it also never occurred to me that I'd be single at age 33.  It's as one older lady told me at church, "But, you're not that ugly." And, statistically speaking, the odds of either happening are minimal to nonexistent.  I am a brave new world with little guidance.  The evangelical church is geared towards men and families.  Maybe that's the problem with the modern American church?  We're more interested in demographics than God, worship and obedience.  Churches have foci on "seekers" or "family-friendly" or whatever.  Maybe we should be a little more focused on God-- and the seekers and families will come?

It seems to me that the demographic shifts are being studied in terms of education and income.  But, I wonder what deeper issues related to identity and spiritual belief are at stake?  Where is the church in this seismic shift?  I'd like to see a study linking church attendance and debt to income levels into the marriage and children mix.  Where does the shift in importance of entertainment, stuff and education fit into the mix?  I think the shift from a saving culture to a credit culture is a shift in conceptualization of the future and personal responsibility: an anthropological and theological shift.  We're talking about trends in sexuality, households, and lifestyle-- this is profound.

I'm finding the only worthwhile way to combat the worry (macro and micro) has been digging into a study of Exodus.  How's that for an apparent non sequitur? But, then again, maybe not.  Yahweh responds to all of Moses's legitimate worries in Chapter 3: "I am."  This answer denotes God's authority and presence.  The verb is of "active being."  God is also equating being God of the fathers (Abraham, Jacob and Isaac) with being the God who is present and active (and in charge of) the Israelites in Egypt.  God is as present now as He was then.  As problematic as this seems, perhaps slavery and attempted genocide weighed just as heavily on the Israelites... or more so.  Maybe like Moses, I should change my question from "who am I" to asking God "who are you?"

"The beautiful is as useful as the useful."

 I'm trudging through the 1000+ pages of Les Mis and am finding it surprisingly good.  The writing is perceptive.  Okay, it's more romantic than realistic, but that's what art does, right?  We need to think about how things could be. It tests our boundaries and questions our ready assumptions.  Literature is a quiet but persistent alarm clock that wakes us up to the possibilities that lie just below the surface of our everyday experience.

I don't just say this on a theoretical level.  Reading Alain de Botton's How Proust Can Change Your Life opened up the possibility of applying good books to my life.  Because a good book can change your life given the opportunity.  I've experienced the barbaric yawp and energy of reading a new book that introduces me to a brand new perspective.  It's amazing!

A good piece of literature, especially one of the long, winding novels of Tolstoy or Hugo or George Elliot, etc., will also wheedle out of you some of the internal struggles I'm working out.  For instance, I'm working out my conflicting ideas and emotions about pretty things.

Even though I agree with my uncle's cheeky observation: "the bishop seems to be the second best person ever to walk the earth." I've had this quotation from Les Mis about the bishop in my mind's slow cooker for the past couple of weeks:

.... The paths enclosed four square plots bordered with box. Mme Magloire grew vegetables in three of these, and the bishop had planted flowers in the fourth.  There were a few fruit trees. Mme Magloir once said teasingly to him: 'Monseigneur, you believe in making use of everything, but this fourth plot is wasted. Salads are more useful than flowers.' 'You are wrong,' replied the bishop. 'The beautiful is as useful as the useful.' Then, after a pause, he added: 'More so, perhaps.' (p. 38)

To overvalue utility and practicality can be dangerous.  That was one of my biggest concerns with public school.  There was so much emphasis on these nebulous yet highly quantified curriculum.  Can a teacher teach character outside of plot?

More recently, I've felt the danger of utilitarianism as I sit in my cubicle for ten-hour stretches.  Dear God, it's soul crushing!  The cream walls, the gray carpet, the felted cubicle, the plastic desk leeches my personality out of me.  I can feel myself turning into a zombie or a ghost.  I need to do more research to decide which one-- or, maybe, it just depends on the day.

So, I've started a campaign of pretty and cheer!  It started with the gnome.  Then, dark chocolate.  Now, we're into $3.99 Trader Joe's bouquets.  Also, a side campaign of a spritz of Chanel's Chance Eau Fraiche to each wrist to add some smell pretty.  And wearing cute clothes and shoes is beating the utilitarian blah's.

My coworkers were poking fun of me... especially the 23 year-old boys. But, they're starting to buy into the cheer and pretty campaign.  One day the boy who sits next to me told me, "I'm going to wear my new shirt tomorrow."  "What color is it?" I asked.  He answered, "You'll have to wait and see."  The shirt was a little Miami Vice for my taste, but it's a start. Before you know it, he's going to have something quirky in his cube too.

The core of my pretty and cheer campaign is my walk during my lunch break.  There's something magical about going outside, watching people and animals, and just enjoying the blue or gray sky, the sound of the water, the excitement of bird sightings.  At the heart of the campaign is worship: awareness of a good God and humbleness and gratefulness.  To quote VH again on the bishop:

He pondered on the greatness and living presence of God, on the mystery of eternity in the future and, even more strange, eternity in the past, on all the infinity manifest to his eyes and to his senses; and without seeking to comprehend the incomprehensible he contemplated these things. He did not scrutinize God but let his eyes be dazzled. He pondered on the sublime conjunction of atoms that gives matter its substance; that reveals forces in discovering them, creates the separate within the whole, proportion within immensity, countless numbers within infinity; and through light gives birth to beauty. This conjunction, this ceaseless joining and disjoining, is life and death. (p.67)

rough start

Yesterday, I ate a traditional Southern New Year's meal:  Collard greens (dollars), black-eyed peas (coins=luck), corn bread (gold), and pork (supposedly, pigs are the one animal that can't walk backwards-- aren't they considered really smart too?  hmm...).  The more you eat, the better your luck is.  I skipped lunch so I could eat two helpings of everything!!!

However, I did not succumb to the tradition of New Year's resolutions. The only resolution I make is not to go to a gym in January. I think they're silly because the things I need to work on are going to take the rest of my lifetime.  However, I'm trying to become a better listener.  There was actually a class on listening one summer at Regent.  My friend Tim took it; he graciously laughed at most of my jokes about it.  But, now I think at a point in my maturity (intellectual, emotional, and spiritual) where I would benefit from that class... instead of see it as joke fodder.

I decided to go kayaking on January 1st would be a brilliant way to kick off the new year. I made this decision without checking the weather forecast.  It rained... and, apparently, I'm not an avid enough outdoorswoman.  I went and got a makeover at a store-- if you can't kayak, you might as well play with makeup.

Today a belt in my car broke while I was driving.  I called my mechanic, and he told me he'd look at it.   He fixed it.  I was super glad it happened this afternoon instead of 9:30 pm on my drive home on the interstate.  

I think there's a lot of room for improvement in 2013-- from last year.  I sent a job application last night.  I'm going on a date with a new guy tomorrow.  Here's to possibility!

Here are the two quotations that I'm commonplacing for the new year.  I found them comforting and convicting:

I don’t fear that at the end God will ask why I wasn’t Moses (great leader) or Thomas Aquinas (towering intellect), but why I wasn’t myself.  -Miroslav Volf

"We have this idea that everyone should be...totally whole, totally together spiritually, and totally fulfilled. That is a myth. In reality, our lack of fulfillment is the most precious gift we have. It is the source of our passion, our creativity, our search for God. All the best of life comes out of our human yearning - our not being satisfied...." -Gerald Mays, quoted in "Water in My Soul" by Luci Shaw.


(I took the pictures on January 29th, 2012 on my lunch break.)