Parenting Trends and the Church

Read New Republic's article How Older Parenthood Will Upend American Society and Seeking Alpha's Chinese and American Demographics Contrasted and weep.  Or, if you are in my shoes: feel guilt and shame from the Parenthood one and a depressing vindication with the other.

Macro view: I know such news isn't new.  The Romans dealt with this issue as did almost every culture where women have choice regarding their futures-- the mother's death has been a common side effect of birth throughout history.  We've largely distanced ourselves from that reality, but we haven't the costs of parenting-- women still bear the brunt of that.

Micro view: I also come from a family who has only one aunt who started having children in her 20's.  My mom had her first child at age 31 and her last one at 41.  My grandmother had her last child at age 41.  Neither my brother or uncle has any birth defects. It never occurred to me that I would have children in my 20's, but it also never occurred to me that I'd be single at age 33.  It's as one older lady told me at church, "But, you're not that ugly." And, statistically speaking, the odds of either happening are minimal to nonexistent.  I am a brave new world with little guidance.  The evangelical church is geared towards men and families.  Maybe that's the problem with the modern American church?  We're more interested in demographics than God, worship and obedience.  Churches have foci on "seekers" or "family-friendly" or whatever.  Maybe we should be a little more focused on God-- and the seekers and families will come?

It seems to me that the demographic shifts are being studied in terms of education and income.  But, I wonder what deeper issues related to identity and spiritual belief are at stake?  Where is the church in this seismic shift?  I'd like to see a study linking church attendance and debt to income levels into the marriage and children mix.  Where does the shift in importance of entertainment, stuff and education fit into the mix?  I think the shift from a saving culture to a credit culture is a shift in conceptualization of the future and personal responsibility: an anthropological and theological shift.  We're talking about trends in sexuality, households, and lifestyle-- this is profound.

I'm finding the only worthwhile way to combat the worry (macro and micro) has been digging into a study of Exodus.  How's that for an apparent non sequitur? But, then again, maybe not.  Yahweh responds to all of Moses's legitimate worries in Chapter 3: "I am."  This answer denotes God's authority and presence.  The verb is of "active being."  God is also equating being God of the fathers (Abraham, Jacob and Isaac) with being the God who is present and active (and in charge of) the Israelites in Egypt.  God is as present now as He was then.  As problematic as this seems, perhaps slavery and attempted genocide weighed just as heavily on the Israelites... or more so.  Maybe like Moses, I should change my question from "who am I" to asking God "who are you?"

"The beautiful is as useful as the useful."

 I'm trudging through the 1000+ pages of Les Mis and am finding it surprisingly good.  The writing is perceptive.  Okay, it's more romantic than realistic, but that's what art does, right?  We need to think about how things could be. It tests our boundaries and questions our ready assumptions.  Literature is a quiet but persistent alarm clock that wakes us up to the possibilities that lie just below the surface of our everyday experience.

I don't just say this on a theoretical level.  Reading Alain de Botton's How Proust Can Change Your Life opened up the possibility of applying good books to my life.  Because a good book can change your life given the opportunity.  I've experienced the barbaric yawp and energy of reading a new book that introduces me to a brand new perspective.  It's amazing!

A good piece of literature, especially one of the long, winding novels of Tolstoy or Hugo or George Elliot, etc., will also wheedle out of you some of the internal struggles I'm working out.  For instance, I'm working out my conflicting ideas and emotions about pretty things.

Even though I agree with my uncle's cheeky observation: "the bishop seems to be the second best person ever to walk the earth." I've had this quotation from Les Mis about the bishop in my mind's slow cooker for the past couple of weeks:

.... The paths enclosed four square plots bordered with box. Mme Magloire grew vegetables in three of these, and the bishop had planted flowers in the fourth.  There were a few fruit trees. Mme Magloir once said teasingly to him: 'Monseigneur, you believe in making use of everything, but this fourth plot is wasted. Salads are more useful than flowers.' 'You are wrong,' replied the bishop. 'The beautiful is as useful as the useful.' Then, after a pause, he added: 'More so, perhaps.' (p. 38)

To overvalue utility and practicality can be dangerous.  That was one of my biggest concerns with public school.  There was so much emphasis on these nebulous yet highly quantified curriculum.  Can a teacher teach character outside of plot?

More recently, I've felt the danger of utilitarianism as I sit in my cubicle for ten-hour stretches.  Dear God, it's soul crushing!  The cream walls, the gray carpet, the felted cubicle, the plastic desk leeches my personality out of me.  I can feel myself turning into a zombie or a ghost.  I need to do more research to decide which one-- or, maybe, it just depends on the day.

So, I've started a campaign of pretty and cheer!  It started with the gnome.  Then, dark chocolate.  Now, we're into $3.99 Trader Joe's bouquets.  Also, a side campaign of a spritz of Chanel's Chance Eau Fraiche to each wrist to add some smell pretty.  And wearing cute clothes and shoes is beating the utilitarian blah's.

My coworkers were poking fun of me... especially the 23 year-old boys. But, they're starting to buy into the cheer and pretty campaign.  One day the boy who sits next to me told me, "I'm going to wear my new shirt tomorrow."  "What color is it?" I asked.  He answered, "You'll have to wait and see."  The shirt was a little Miami Vice for my taste, but it's a start. Before you know it, he's going to have something quirky in his cube too.

The core of my pretty and cheer campaign is my walk during my lunch break.  There's something magical about going outside, watching people and animals, and just enjoying the blue or gray sky, the sound of the water, the excitement of bird sightings.  At the heart of the campaign is worship: awareness of a good God and humbleness and gratefulness.  To quote VH again on the bishop:

He pondered on the greatness and living presence of God, on the mystery of eternity in the future and, even more strange, eternity in the past, on all the infinity manifest to his eyes and to his senses; and without seeking to comprehend the incomprehensible he contemplated these things. He did not scrutinize God but let his eyes be dazzled. He pondered on the sublime conjunction of atoms that gives matter its substance; that reveals forces in discovering them, creates the separate within the whole, proportion within immensity, countless numbers within infinity; and through light gives birth to beauty. This conjunction, this ceaseless joining and disjoining, is life and death. (p.67)

Watch for the Light

I can't wait for Advent!*  December 2nd: the count-down is on.  I taught a class on Advent last year, which served as a great excuse to sprinkle my blog with advent poems and such.  No doubt there will be some of that this year. 

For a lot of history, the church has treated Advent in the same manner they treated Lent; there was more longing and penitence and less  shopping and decorating.  We miss so much skipping over Advent: a punch line needs a joke.  We don't do waiting in our culture-- we're far too important and busy.

I've been on a quest for a good Advent devotional book, a guide: Watch for the Light.  In this context, "good" means intelligent not sentimental, insightful not cliche, what I need to hear not what I want to hear.

I think I may have found it... after reading November 24th's reading, Blumhardt's "Action in Waiting":

".... We live in a mass of wrongs and untruths, and they surround us as a dark, dark night. Not even in the most flagrant things do we manage to break through....

"Anyone whose attention is fixed on the coming reign of God and who wants to see a change brought about in God's house will become more and more aware that there exists a universal wrongness that is pulled over us like a choking, suffocating blanket." (5-6)

"We must speak in practical terms.  Either Christ's coming has meaning for us now, or else it means nothing at all." (10)

"The all-important thing is to keep your eyes on what comes from God and to make way for it to come into being here on earth. If you always try to be heavenly and spiritually minded, you won't understand the everyday work God has for you to do...." (12)

Humble thyself.  "Because a transformation of this scale can never be achieved by human means, but only by divine intervention, Advent (to quote Bonhoeffer again) might be compared to a prison cell 'in which one waits and hope and does various unessential things... but is completely dependent on the fact that the door of freedom has to be opened from the outside.' It is a fitting metaphor. But dependency does not release us from responsibility. If the essence of Advent is expectancy, it is also readiness for action: watchfulness for every opening, and willingness to risk everything for freedom and a new beginning." (xvi)

I like how the writers lean into the tension of watching and willingness.  In fact, I need it.

I'll close with the poem the book opens:

Lo, in the silent night

A child to God is born

And all is brought again

That ere was lost or lorn.

Could but thy soul, O man,

Become a silent night!

God would be born in thee

And set all things aright!

                              15th Century

*Haha, a little Advent humor.

the weekend of bookshelf

On Friday my latent nesting instinct kicked in 6 months after moving.  I hung some of my pictures, and started going through some stuff. I even found a bookshelf on Craig's List Friday afternoon.  I emailed the dude and arranged a pick up that night: I borrowed a truck, gently coerced a neighbor into helping me unload it and bring it upstairs, and got the guy I bought it from with one of his neighbors to help me load it.

It was a bit daunting because the sucker was heavy.  In some ways it was nice to be a single woman because people were more willing to help me.  It was a little frustrating because I had to do it on everybody else's terms (I wanted to do it Sunday, the seller wanted to do it Friday; the neighbor helped me move it upstairs at 10 pm, etc.).  But, I ended up with what I wanted at a price I could afford-- I got a $100 check in the mail earlier this week that more than covered all the associated costs.

I unpacked all my boxes of books-- at least 12.  Bibliophiles, you know how great that feels.  I found some ones that I'd really missed: Wendell Berry's Collected Poems, NT Wright's Jesus.  And, in my 3 ring binders, I found my transcripts for my Master's.  I through away a lot of paper, and have a box of books to donate.  I'm a natural born pack rat. 

I love the bookshelf because one square is devoted to Russian novels, one square to poetry, etc.  And the shelves are deep-- so I have two rows to them.  I'm sure it'd cause an anal person a panic attack, but I love it!

The whole experience was empowering and humbling.  Friday night was full of tedium, but I organized three aspects (truck, pickup and drop off) with relative ease.  It was humbling that people were so willing to help for nothing in return.  Having my books was a little emotional because they reflect different periods in my past and bring back memories.  I unpacked Latin, Greek, Spanish, and English Lexicons.  Books I bought in Japan and Peru.  My Jonathan Edwards biography, which is surprisingly good.

I figured out a class I want to teach on writing spiritual autobiography, and two books I'd use as texts.  I found my personal training text books I need to come up with a strength workout for myself.

Much like training for a marathon, I feel like I was handed another key piece of my identity.

Batman and Bourne

Two weeks ago, the Chief and I underwent an intense psychological experiment.  We watched Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy.  We watched Batman Begins on Wednesday night, Dark Knight  on Thursday, and Dark Knight Rises on Saturday.  They were exceptional movies that I highly recommend. They were smart, complex and complete.

My brother's favorite is the final one.  I really liked the second and third one.  The Joker is hard to beat; Heath Ledger did a phenomenal job.  That said, I really liked the third one too.  I like the twist in the tale, which is fitting with Cat Woman.  The third one met its match with the Aurora shooting and the Olympics: those are powerful antagonists.  I've read reviews that boo the third one by saying it's over written and ridiculously implausible.  Of course it is-- it's a super hero tale based on a comic book.

Now, we're watching the Bournes.  Bourne Identity's flashy.  Bourne Supremacy is actually interesting-- the bad guy situation gets complicated.  Good and bad go awry.  They're good movies but pale in comparison to the Dark Knights.

I remember a guy told me that book series are popular with publishers because they represent less marketing because they already have a readership for the sequels.  This makes sense.  And, I like it as a reader... or a viewer.

I really like having the movies and watching them in close succession.  It's reminiscent of when I read the Harry Potters in Japan.  I devoured them.  I even went to Tokyo to buy one because it wasn't in my town.  It's excruciating to wait for an installment of a story to come out.  It's smart to wait until the last one is in place then you can gulp the entire story in one fell swoop.

Southern afternoon

Farmers' Market. Watermelon, cucumbers, etc. Entertaining conversations with farmers. Took recycling and the attendant called me "ma'am" twice.

Lunch. I love a vegetable plate with macaroni and cheese, zucchini and squash, and pinto beans with sweet tea and my friend at a new restaurant.

Bookstore.  Bought a book (the last one of the title!). Read magazines for free. Excellent people watching.

Peach Ice Cream in South Carolina. Then we drove down to South Carolina... because why not? We went to the Peach Tree and shopped for produce.  Did you know there's sweet potato syrup? Then we got peach ice cream cones!  Ice cream is dangerous: my friend's scoop fell off her cone while driving.  She caught it.  We had to pull off the road.  We survived.

Drive. Past horse pastures, gardens, and lovely houses.

Not alone

"We read to know we are not alone," wrote CS Lewis.  This is one of my favorite quotations.  I had a professor who said some of his best friends were books.  A book can offer amazing companionship.  The Catcher in the Rye and Holden Caulfield were my good friends in tenth grade.  I loved the ducks in Central Park question, the baseball glove, discussion of pimples, and the"phonies".  Holden got it.

Tenth grade was also the year I gave up reading horoscopes.  I was reading some teenage-ish magazine's horoscope, and MY horoscope stated that I would meet a cute boy near my locker and that we'd fall in love.  I got really peeved because a) I didn't have a locker and b) there were no boys at my school.  So, I was not going to fall madly in love that month.  Not only that, but it was wrong from its conception: it was using the law of averages (lockers and boys are pretty safe bets for most high schools), and my situation didn't fit.  For some reason, this resonated deeply in my teenage philosophical sensibilities.

So, I've transferred my disdain of horoscopes to daily devotionals.  Seriously, how on target can they be?  And, I can't do daily devotionals for women.  I find them insulting (clearly, I have some deep-seated issues.)

But, the human condition is universal.  JD Salinger nailed teenage angst and ennui.  The horoscopist nailed my desire to fall in love with a cute boy... just didn't realize how high the odds were stacked against me.  And, I think the universality is especially true on a spiritual level.  St. Augustine's description of "the God-shaped hole" in our hearts is the crux of so much pain.

Anyway, that was a really long introduction to the fact that I've been reading two daily devotionals recently.  One is "Streams in the Desert Volume 1" that I bought for $2.00 and smells like it's older than I am but in a bookish way.  And the other one is cheesy, but I'm enjoying it: Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.  It's written in Jesus's voice-- it's as if he's talking to you.  It's super cheesy and a great reminder of his realness.  And, it's really short.

Streams in the Desert was first copyrighted in 1925, so it can be a little stilted at times.  (But, if you read this blog, you'll do just fine with it.)  But, July 31st entry was perfect for my July 31, 2012:

"He guided them by the skillfulness of his hands." (Psa. 78:72)

When you are doubtful as to your course, submit your judgment absolutely to the Spirit of God, and ask Him to shut against you every door but the right one... Meanwhile keep on as you are and consider the absence of indication to be the indication of God's will that you are on His track... As you go down the long corridor, you will find that He has preceded you, and locked many doors which you would fain have entered; but beyond these there is one which He has left unlocked. Open it and enter, and you will find yourself face to face with a bend of the river of opportunity, broader and deeper than anything you had dared to imagine in your sunniest dreams.  Launch forth upon it; it conducts to the open sea.

God guides us, often by circumstances.  At one moment the way may seem utterly blocked; and then shortly afterward some trivial incident occurs, which might not seem much to others, but which to the keen eye of faith speaks volumes. Sometimes these are repeated in various ways, in answer to prayer. They are not haphazard results of chance, but the opening up of circumstances in the direction we would walk. And they begin to multiply as we advance toward our goal, just as the lights do as we near a populous town, when darting through the land by night express. -F.B. Meyer 

I really needed these words and the pictures they paint yesterday (and today) and don't think it was haphazard results of chance that I came across them.  Right now, it does feel like I'm walking down a long corridor with a lot of locked doors.  But, it helps to think of God as a parent locking doors/ putting up safety walls to prevent my doing something really stupid.

And, although it feels futile to keep applying to jobs, and writing letters trying to figure out licensure.  I'm always finding the balance between faith and action.  It's as my grandpa used to say, "The harder I work, the luckier I get."  I need to keep going down the corridor trying doors, knowing that I'm not alone.

weird that it isn't wierd

"I" before "e" except after "c".

"Weird": where form and function meet.

Can you tell that I just noticed that about the word?  I probably was all over the factoid when I was in third grade, then, gratefully, I moved on to other things.  But, all things, including style and ideas, are cyclical.

Yesterday was one weird day.

The weather was a moist, monochrome grey that crescendoed into this glorious, horrific thunderstorm that lasted an hour.  The thunder could have inspired Beethoven when deaf.  I just lay on the sofa and pulled down the blinds and enjoyed.

Then I drove to the big city, and it hadn't even rained.  That's the kind of detail that tests your sanity.  I was talking about the weather, because I'm polite and weird like that. Nobody knew about the thunderstorm; I might as well been talking about "the voices".

Before the thunderstorm, I visited some ladies at a nursing home.  It was not what I was expecting.  I was hoping that I'd be a ray of sunshine for these little ladies.  I didn't rely on my looks and charm alone: I brought them candy.  It ended up that I crashed two parties; they already had visitors.  I stayed over an hour with the first lady and her visitor.  They'd been missionaries in Haiti together.  They were fascinating women... and beautiful in the true, real sense.

My interaction with these women created or uncovered some form of discomfort.  It wasn't that I felt judged; they were gentle, kind, and keen women.  Maybe, it was because they were so solid, completely lacking in pretense and guile.  It made me think of the grass in Lewis' The Great Divorce.  This grass cut the visitors' feet who were ghost-like.  It's the weight of holiness.  Being in their presence reminded me of being around my favorite prof in Vancouver.  There's a qualitative difference in spending time with these people.  They're tuned into eternity.  I felt completely seen and heard in their presence.  The "completely" part is the terrifying part.  I'm sure they could sense my anxiety and shame, which is my lack of trust in Jesus.

After the thunderstorm, I had more conversations about identity.  I called one of my friends and midway through the conversation, she said, "I've been crying."  Come to find out, she'd gotten a spray-on tan that was much darker than she'd expected, which caused this identity crisis.  She felt this was a manifestation of trying to be somebody other than God created her to be.  And, I had another conversation about addiction in Christians.

It was a weird, heavy, wonderful day that I'll be carrying around for a while.  I feel like yesterday, Friday the 13th, was a lesson that I'm not quite ready for.  But, maybe I'll understand it somewhere down the road.  It was the kind of day that could turn you into a Calvinist.  It was the kind of day that reminds me of the meaning and shape of life. It was the kind of day that God was really there.

Weird: maybe my life is where form and function meet in my own journey.  Maybe similar to the English language, the exceptions prove the rule.  Expectations, like phonics, have a 70% success rate; the other 30% is where the magic, mystery and miracles exist.

whatever... libraries are expensive

I went to the library in Charlotte to check on my fines: $26.50.  That's a hard back at Barnes and Noble. I had several books that moved with me.  I finally remembered to turn them in a couple of months later. (Fines max out at $10; librarians do have some heart.)

The fines are bad enough, but the librarian's snarky attitude.  I probably should have suggested she whisper; instead, I got her to print them out.  I have the printout in my purse just in case.

Goodwill, Value Village, Salvation Army... these are the best places to shop for books.

Don't worry: I have two library cards.  Take that, uptight library lady! I'm still in business.

Katniss expansion

Katniss Everdeen has caused quite a stir. Here's a review of other amazing chicks in books. Greatest Girl Characters in YA Lit

Here's a blog post by my favorite fashion blogger: Starts with a K, where her outfit pays homage to Katniss, and she suggests books that are similar to the Hunger Games series.

After having watched the Hunger Games movie and being disappointed, the friend with me pointed out, "It could have been much worse." He was right, but I suggest watching Winter's Bone. I feel that the stories have extremely similar themes, plots, and characters. The main difference is setting: the Ozark mountains in the modern times.

My favorite part of the Hunger Games movie has been the soundtrack. Here's the playlist:

1. "Abraham's Daughter" by Arcade Fire
2. "Tomorrow Will Be Kinder" by The Secret Sisters
3. "Nothing to Remember" by Neko Case
4. "Safe & Sound" by Taylor Swift featuring The Civil Wars
5. "The Ruler & The Killer" by Kid Cudi
6. "Dark Days" by Punch Brothers
7. "One Engine" by The Decemberists
8. "Daughter's Lament" by Carolina Chocolate Drops
9. "Kingdom Come" by The Civil Wars
10. "Take the Heartland" by Glen Hansard
11. "Come Away to the Water" by Maroon 5 featuring Rozzi Crane
12. "Run Daddy Run" by Miranda Lambert ft Pistol Annies
13. "Rules" by Jayme Dee
14. "Eyes Open" by Taylor Swift
15. "Lover is Childlike" by The Low Anthem
16. "Just a Game" by Birdy

My favorite tracks are 3,10, 13, and 16, but I like most of them.

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

This is the first book in a great YA dystopian trilogy. The movie opens Friday! I taught this book to 7th graders last year who loved it. The author wrote for TV, so she has a knack for suspenseful endings to chapters. I know adults who've stayed up until 3am or fallen asleep on the sofa on "school nights" because of the suspense of this book.

Why I like this book:

Universal Themes
Good v. evil. Do good and evil exist-- or are they just cultural concepts?
Big v. little. Was Nietzsche right?
Friendship. What does friendship entail? Is there more to it than sharing secrets?
Family. A parent dies, and a child has to take charge. Roles shift. What are the givens and necessities in familial bonds?
Courage. What is courage? Where does courage live and thrive? What brings courage out in a person?
Survival. What gives humans the will to fight against seemingly insurmountable odds?
Love. What does love look like, feel like, act like? What does love mean? Who and what's worth loving?
Hope.
Liberty.
Role of government.

Kick-Ass Female Protagonist
Thank you, God, for giving teenager a girl worth emulating! Move over, Bella and Twilight. Bella is such spineless, whiney, soul-less, pointless protagonist. My heart sank every time I saw a 12 or 13 yo girl toting around one of the Twilight books.

Relevance
Reality television? Video games? Politics? Does any of this stuff impact our daily lives? Do we need to question this stuff's role in our lives?

Craftmanship
Poignant use of symbolism. Say, the dandelion. Bread.

Readability
It's a quick, fun read.

Movie tie-ins. It was shot in North Carolina. The Capitol scenes were shot in uptown Charlotte. A lot of the wilderness scenes were shot in Shelby.

I think there are going to be a lot of connections between this movie and Winter's Bone. Watch it and see for yourself.

May the odds ever be in your favor!

Diane Ackerman's An Alchemy of Mind: The Marvel and Mystery of the Brain

This book is excellent! I like most books I review, but this one is definitely a starred review. It's the kind of book that takes root in your mind and finagles its way into your daydreams and conversations with unsuspecting friends. I was emailing a friend I hadn't seen in years about something, and somehow a paragraph about mammals' sleep patterns appeared. He was cool and worked some weird facts into his reply.

Diane Ackerman blends science, art and everything into this book in a beautiful and playful manner. She reminds you what a fun adventure thought is. Based on reading this book, I'd recommend anything by this author. She reminds me of my favorite professors-- I didn't care what they were teaching because their teaching was enough. I hated Greek, but Prof. Wooten made Lysius' court cases come alive and seem completely relevant and fascinating. She's a curious teacher-- what's not to like?

The book is well crafted from the macro level of organization to the micro of sentences. It's witty and wise. Even the Table of Contents is delightful:

MIRACLE WATERS
(Evolution)
Chapter 1. The Enchanted Loom
Imagining the brain.
Chapter 2. This Island Earth
Evolution; the world's tiniest reptile; our brain and other animals.
Chapter 3. Why We Ask "Why?"
What happens in the right brain vs. the left brain; why we're driven to tell stories.
Chapter 4. The Fibs of Being
Consciousness; some definitions and theories.
Chapter 5. Light Breaks Where No Sun Shines
The unconscious; how it collaborates with the unconscious mind.

SWEET DREAMS OF REASON (The Physical Brain) Chapters 6-12
PAVILIONS OF DESIRE (Memory)13-19
NEVER A DULL TORMENT (The Self, and Other Fictions) 20-24
THE WORLD IS BREAKING SOMEONE ELSE'S HEART (Emotions) 25-26
THE COLOR OF SAYING (Language) 27-30
THE WILDERNESS WITHIN (The World We Share) 31-34

Aren't those fascinating, enticing titles? My job already finished because you're already dying to read it.

The book is worth owning solely for Chapter 30: Shakespeare on the Brain. The chapter's epigraph: "[He understood]... the quality of the real universe, the divine, magical, terrifying and ecstatic reality in which we all live." - C.S. Lewis

There's a plethora of worthwhile quotations: for instance: "... the spirit of inhabitable awe... Edward Hirsch, The Demon and the Angel

The book's epigraph:
my mind is
a big hunk of irrevocable nothing which touch and
taste and smell and hearing and sight keep hitting and
chipping with sharp fatal tools
in an agony of sensual chisels i perform squirms of
chrome and execute strides of cobalt
nevertheless i
feel that i cleverly am being altered that i slightly am
becoming something a little different, in fact
myself
Hereupon helpless i utter lilac shrieks and scarlet
bellowings. e.e. cummings, Portraits, VII

Another Chapter's epigraph:
“We die containing a richness of lovers and tribes, tastes we have swallowed, bodies we have plunged into and swum up as if rivers of wisdom, characters we have climbed into as if trees, fears we have hidden in as if caves. I wish for all this to be marked on by body when I am dead. I believe in such cartography - to be marked by nature, not just to label ourselves on a map like the names of rich men and women on buildings. We are communal histories, communal books. We are not owned or monogamous in our taste or experience. All I desired was to walk upon such an earth that had no maps.”
― Michael Ondaatje, The English Patient

She even weaves alchemical symbols into the book. This book is engaging, beautiful and fun. It lives up to its title. You will be altered by reading it. What more can you ask from a good book?

The Quiet American by Graham Greene

I have a thing for modern Catholic writers: Walker Percy, Flannery O'Connor, Evelyn Waugh, Thomas Merton, Dorothy Day, and Graham Greene. I'll even put Kathleen Norris in the group-- she's an oblate with a Benedictine order. I find their writing true, characters real, and ideas necessary. It's kind of a serious thing that proves CSL's statement: "We read in order to know we're not alone." I'm never alone when reading these people. They are my clan.

Graham Greene makes the most despicable characters spicable. Well, he makes them tolerable if not endearing. His whiskey priest in the Power and the Glory is genius: my post on the Power and the Glory. He has the uncanny ability to make the reader realize that she has a lot in common with this terrible, easily judged character. He blurs the lines between good and evil by calling into question social norms. His "bad guys" are reminescent of the publican praying outside the synagogue. They have the humility to forgo on pretense.

In The Quiet American, Fowler is a small, desperate, weak man, and Pyle is ambitious, naive, and dangerous. With a lesser author, liking both these characters wouldn't be possible. His characters are very believable and he conquers really big ideas... like proxy war and colonialism, and religion. And, his style is highly readable yet artful.

Here's Fowler on war and politics:
"Thought's a luxury. Do you think the peasant sits and thinks of God and democracy when he gets inside his hut at night?" (119)

"Isms and ocracies. Give me facts. A rubber planter beats his labourer-- all right, I'm against him. He hasn't been instructed to do it by the Minister of the Colonies. In France, I expect he'd beat his wife. I've seen a priest, so poor he hasn't a change of trousers, working fifteen hours a day from hut to hut in a cholera epidemic, eating nothing but rice and salt fish, saying his Mass with an old cup-- a wooden platter. I don't believe in God and yet I'm for that priest. Why don't you call that colonialism?"

".... We haven't a liberal party any more-- liberalism's infected all the other parties. We are all either liberal conservatives or liberal socialists; we all have a good conscience. I'd rather be an exploiter who fights for what he exploits, and dies with it. Look at the history of Burma. (120-1)

Fowler on religion:

" If this cathedral had existed for five centuries instead of two decades, would it have gathered a kind of convincingness with the scratches of feet and the erosion of the weather? Would somebody who was convincible like my wife find here a faith she couldn't find in human beings? And if I had really wanted faith would I have found it in her Norman church? But I had never desired faith. The job of a reporter is to expose and record.... I had no visions or miracles in my repertoire of memory." (110)

"Repertoire of memory": what a brilliant, weighted phrase. The human mind does pick and choose which memories to play.

"It's strange what fear does to a man." (says the priest.)
"It would never do that to me. If I believed in any God at all, I should still hate the idea of confession. Kneeling in one of your boxes. Exposing myself to another man. You must excuse me, Father, but to me it seems morbid-- even unmanly."
"Oh," he said lightly, "I expect you are a good man. I don't suppose you've ever had much to regret." (57)

Oh, the gentle knowing wisdom of the priest.


There's the "love" triangle between Pyle, Fowler, and Fowler's Vietnamese lover, which, of course, mirrors the politics and war. The American's the idealistic ass. Greene is British after all.

This book demonstrates the power of art to raise necessary questions in a fairly inoffensive manner. I think this book is extremely timely considering the American presence in Afghanistan-- are we really helping the Afghanis? Are isms and ocracies a legitimate reason to kill a human being?

This book has made me realize how grateful I am to regain my capacity to read and engage with good books. It was really hard when I didn't have the attention to do it. Three cheers for good books!

The Innocence and Wisdom of Father Brown by GK Chesterton

I discovered Chesterton in seminary, which isn't really a shock. He's such a fantastic thinker and so quick-witted and joyful. I'd put his wit up with Oscar Wilde, but it has a very different flavor. I'd have loved to watch him debate. However, I actually read my first Father Brown mystery, "The Blue Cross", this year in an anthology. I'm a big fan of murder mysteries because they are the most moral fiction we have.

In seminary, I came up with a theory that the chubbier a theologian was the jollier his theology. Take John Newton. He was rotund at the height of his writing on grace. Take the Desert Fathers; they thought laughter was bad for the soul. But, I think my theory explains the difference between Martin Luther and John Calvin... and their followers.

Father Brown's character is a lovable little mole of a man. He's nothing to look at and terribly odd, but he's terribly keen and wise. He understands human nature at a fundamental level. The plots are not always brilliant, but there's always a haunting idea embedded in the story. And, Chesterton's writing is phenomenal.

Father Brown on crime as a work of art:

"A crime," he said slowly, "is like any other work of art. Don't look surprised; crimes are by no mean the only works of art that come from an infernal workshop. But every work of art, divine or diabolic, has one indispensable mark-- I mean, that the center of it is simple, however much the fulfillment may be complicated...." He then goes on to prove his theory with Hamlet; he makes numerous literary allusions which are fun and accurate. (from The Queer Feet, p.57)

On politicians:

"Men may keep a sort of level of good, but no man has ever been able to keep on one level of evil. That road goes down and down. The kind man drinks and turns cruel; the frank man kills and lies about it. Many a man I've known started like to be an honest outlaw, a merry robber of the rich, and ended stamped into slime." (The Flying Stars, p. 73).

On conversation:

"Have you ever noticed this-- that people never answer what you say? They answer what you mean-- or what they think you mean...." (The Invisible Man, p. 89)

On Sleep:

"Sleep!" cried Father Brown. "Sleep. We have come to the end of the ways. Do you know what sleep is? Do you know that every man that sleeps believes in God? It is a sacrament, if only a natural one. Something has fallen on us that falls very seldom on men; perhaps the worst thing that can fall on them."

Craven's parted lips came together to say, "What do you mean?"

The priest had turned his face to the castle as he answered:
"We have found the truth; and the truth makes no sense."
... when they reached the castle again he threw himself upon sleep with the simplicity of a dog." (The Honour of Israel Gow, p. 102)

On miracles and the modern mind:

""The modern mind always mixes up two different ideas: mystery in the sense of what is marvellous, and mystery in the sense of what is complicated. That is half its difficulty about miracles. A miracle is startling; but it is simple. It is simple because it is a miracle. It is power coming directly from God (or the devil) instead of indirectly through nature or human wills...." (The wrong shape, p.121)

On humility:

"....Humility is the mother of giants. One sees great things from the valley; only small things from the peak."
....
"I am a man," answered Father Brown gravely; "and therefore have all devils in my heart...." (The Hammer of God, pp. 158-9)

Example of his poetic language (and literary illusion):

The thousand arms of the forest were grey, and its million fingers silver. In a sky dark green-blue-like slate the stars were bleak and brilliant like splintered ice. All that quickly wooded and sparsely tenanted countryside was stiff with a bitter and brittle frost. The black hollows between the trunks of the trees looked like bottomless, black caverns of that Scandinavian hell, a hell of incalculable cold.... (The Sign of the Broken Sword, p.176)


My recommendation: buy this book at a used bookstore to pick up when you want to smile and think for a bit.

Harper's Rules Reviewed

My aunt gave me a copy of Harper's Rules by Danny Cahill about finding love and a job. He connects the two in a novel/self-help hybrid. I appreciate the attempt at a story device even if I don't think Cahill will be nominated for a Pulitzer for his effort. The characters are flat and remain that way. The dialogue is so bad that it made me laugh (that's a compliment, I guess). There's no intrigue-- nothing is left to the reader. Everything is s-p-e-l-l-e-d out. Everything. It must be something to do with the business style of writing-- emphasis on clarity rather than, say, style.

Synopsis:

Harper the brilliant, egotistic head hunter is helping his former client Casey out of a hard spot. Casey's about to lose her job, which Harper finds out through his sheer awesomeness. Casey, a recent divorcee, resigns her job (a no-no) but Harper already has some interviews lined up for her. Voila, Harper writes chapters, texts and chats her through finding her dream job and man. Please note all my cliches, they were inspired by the book.

The cardboard nature of the plot and characters isn't what got me through the 140 page book. There's actually some good advice. I bracketed some sections and put a couple of asterisks in the margins next to some useful pointers.

1. "You haven't committed yet to your career. Down deep you are waiting for a sign, for enough good things to happen to you to justify making a commitment. But, it doesn't work that way. You have to commit first, and then, because you have committed, good things come to you." (p.142)

Cliched, yes. True, yes. Relevant to my professional and personal life, yes.

2. TIme to leave Diagnostic Questions (pp.9-11)

One question: Was it ever what you really wanted?
Another: How many times a day do you laugh during the day?
Another: Do you believe what they tell you at work?
Another: Do you like the work but feel uncomfortable in the culture?

He takes these excellent questions and unpacks them concisely. And, as you can see, they work for a job or a relationship. Brilliant.

3. There's some excellent insight to the interviewing process about the crucial nature of timing and how to express interest.

4. He makes a reference to F. Scott Fitzgerald's concept of the lover and the beloved in a relationship. The power dynamic is in the beloved's favor. And, this reference was believable, satisfying, and sad. Sad because it reminds me of visiting my sister while she was in business school. She and some of her fellow MBAers were just short of brilliant and well-read, but they drank like fish. There's a poetic soul insulated by a cynical, practical shell.

This book isn't by Tolstoy, that's for sure. But I actually read every page, which is more than I can say for most of this kind of book. Most of the time I'd just skim.

weirdness and waiting

(spoiler alert: 2+2 remains 2+2; there is no resolution. But, if you're a regular, you're used to it.)

funeral
+job application
+cousin having baby (it's a girl)
+gut-wrenching conversation with a friend with a broken heart
+studying Advent (2 very different wreaths: 1) hope, faith, joy, & love 2) patriarchs, prophets, John the Baptist, Mary)
+Mexican for lunch
+car inspection and tag renewal
=Today

Life is all about weird juxtaposition. The profound and profane all crowded and jostled in the same subway car. Death, birth, bureaucracy, grace, red tape, enlightenment, boredom, laughter, disappointment.

Thought of the day: I've been role-playing through the Advent Cast: Mary, Joseph, John the Baptist, Wise Men, shepherds, etc., trying to unlock the spiritual/practical application of the historical story. (I can't help myself. I spent several semesters studying Lectio Divina.) Mary is self-explanatory-- Jesus lives and grows inside us in a nutshell. I was wrestling with Joseph-- he clearly demonstrates obedience and servanthood. But, upon my conversation with my friend, I think I may see Joseph as the role of the broken-hearted and shattered/unfulfilled-dreamers. Imagine what he must to have gone through if he loved Mary; he arrives at treating Mary with some dignity on his own. However, God doesn't let him off the hook. He's called to go into this continent of self-denial and faith that's far beyond normal expectation. It's like a precursor of the Sermon on the Mount mixed with Job post apocalypse where he gets double the children.

To sum up the rest of this incoherent post I'll quote my mom's response to my blathering on about Advent: "Studying is fun, isn't it?" You may read on if you wish.

There are the three comings Advent celebrates/acknowledges:

1. his arrival into history/incarnation
2. his return/second coming
3. intermediate entrance into our lives

All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy. -Romans 8:22-5 (Message)

I've learned how much the Advent season holds, how it breaks into our lives with images of dark and light, first and last things, watchfulness and longing, origin and destiny. Kathleen Norris

reading material

Oh, how the West has gone awry. Here are some articles on how we tweak the basics and come up short. None of this is new... not even the articles.Haiti Doesn't Need Your Old Tshirt
Steve Jobs: Secular Prophet

why Flannery O'Connor?

She was an awkward smart aleck from the South that wrote stark, true stories. She loved birds. She went to Mass everyday during Iowa's Writer's Conference. She knew she was brilliant, and honored her genius through hard work and a monastic lifestyle. It wasn't hubris, it was focus. She lived a determined life. She thought deeply about faith, life and God. There's nothing frou-frou about her. Apparently, she had a very nasal Southern drawl and the drollest sense of humor around. She died of Lupus at a young age and didn't seem to bury herself with self pity. She wasn't pretty in a culture that judged women by that sole criterium; she didn't care. She had some very deep, lifelong friendships.‎ She loved people, but her love lacked sentimentality. She believed in the power and value of art. She strove for perfection. She believed in sin. She makes Christianity appealing for those of us who aren't nice.

She makes me want to write a short story. She makes me do a double take on my everyday experience.

Quotations:

"The truth will make you odd."

"You tell a story because a statement would be inadequate. When anybody asks what a story is about, the only proper thing is to tell them to read the story. The meaning of fiction is not abstract meaning but experienced reading, and the purpose of making statements about the meaning of a story is only to help you experience that meaning more fully."

Reading Scripture

Reading Scripture is always a good thing. It is especially good when I get to the read the Old and New Testament readings during the worship service! Can I tell you how much I love doing this? It's like asking a fish to swim laps. A pigeon to deliver a note. A ferret to ferret. A rainbow to curve.

The answer: It's beautiful, mysterious, natural, and perfect. Oddly enough, it's a chance to get to use my seminary education. Any reading is an act of interpretation. I study some commentaries to make sure I get the emphasis correctly. I practice because it improves my reading and intonation. I really think God can use his Scripture to speak into a person's life sans sermon. I don't want to hinder the power of the Word and the Spirit.

Plus, let's face it: I'm a nerd. It's a really good devotion, and I'm prepared to hear the sermon. It's really nice to read out loud. I forget this because I'm always in a hurry.

This reading business has been a really pleasant gift of high church. I've always bemoaned the fact I have no gifts that can be used in worship. One time I joked with a friend, "Maybe I can run laps for the offertory." But, this is a really odd junction of my unique self fitting into the body of Christ. It's quite nice really. Can you tell I'm reading Romans 12:1-8 and Psalm 138 tomorrow? But not in that order.

I've gotten a lot of compliments and thank yous for my reading and voice. Who knew? My favorite compliment went like this, "You understand the concept of the comma." So, it's ever so nice and ever so rare for the x (my enjoyment) and y (usefulness) axis to converge on me like this.

I just found this article "The Age of Austerity?"! It's incredibly thought-povoking. I agree with what he's saying, but it causes in me the same kind of angst that reading Wendell Berry does because I leave feeling "But how do we get there?"