Thoughts on Anna Karenina

A couple of weeks ago I went to see the completely crappy Gerrard Butler flick in lieu of Anna Karenina, the trailer, because I was afraid I'd be disappointed by Keira Knightly.  Big mistake.

Today I went to see Anna Karenina with my uncle for his birthday. He's a Tolstoy fanatic (and I mean that as a true compliment).  My mom, my aunt, and my cousin, an accomplished actor, came along too.

Anna

This movie was brilliant!  I want to see it again.  and again.  It's an interesting interpretation of the book.  I felt it remained true to the story without strictly following the plot.  Bravo, Tom Stoppard.  For instance, the dance scene where Vronsky transfers his 'love' from Kitty to Anna.  That's not how it happens in the book, but the viewer ends up with the same feeling as she does reading the book's scenes-- gut wrenched.  I also found the expected sophomoric humor true to Tolstoy too: dog poot and nose blowing.  Tolstoy paid a lot of attention to the material world and to details that would never be filed under "high art". It's true to life that funny things happen at the most inopportune times.

I felt the movie took advantage of the visual cues: color, the theater, some of the shots are amazing... even if it occasionally was over the top.

Karenin

My biggest disappointment: Karenin.  Jude Law turned the detestable character into an almost likable bloke.  I take issue with this.  In the book, he's the epitome of frigid obligation.  He's narrow and rigid. He makes the reader's skin crawl without a single misstep.  He has no clue how to be human.  He has no friends.  He turns love into a formula.  He turns the gospel into a formula.  His forgiveness serves as a death sentence to Anna because of his incapability to love or receive or give grace.  Jude Law's Karenin is warm-blooded, which makes Anna out to be more of a tart than in actuality.  Tolstoy's Karenin would leech the life and spirit out of any passionate woman-- any woman.

I enjoyed how stylized the picture was.  I especially liked the completely choreographed bureaucracy  scene-- as were the society scenes.  Tolstoy felt the same way about bureaucracy and society; he was no fan.  I liked Levin, although I always imagined him older and bald.  Trust me, the movie's version was far easier on the eyes than my mind's eye's version.

The quotation: "There are as many loves as their are hearts" has gotten a lot of attention.  I believe Stoppard used it as the organizing point of his movie adaptation. I think Tolstoy makes a strong case that is limited to the character of the person who offers it: Karenin, Oblonsky, Vronsky, and Levin are capable of very different types of love-- some more true and real.  However, I don't think Tolstoy was a postmodernist.  He had more in mind that character flaws are limitations on one's ability to love.

Oblonsky

For example, the affable character Oblonsky; he's a chummy cad that one cannot help but like whose early dalliance caused the meeting between Anna and Vronsky.  (Is that a comment on how connected we are to one another and how are personal sin affects others?)  But, his inability to remain true to his wife Dolly is linked throughout the story to his debt.  He sells Dolly's land/dowry in order to cover his debts.  He lacks discipline and self control, which punishes his family.  He loves Dolly, but his love is limited to his refusal to restrain himself.  He is ruled by his appetites.   Whereas, Levin is almost the opposite: his honor almost prevents him asking Kitty to marry him again.  Then, there is Karenin who is incapable of love.  Does Vronsky love Anna?  That's the question my mom asked at the end of the film, and it's a good one.  I answered to the degree he was able.

 It's a thought-provoking film well worth seeing.

Batman and Bourne

Two weeks ago, the Chief and I underwent an intense psychological experiment.  We watched Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy.  We watched Batman Begins on Wednesday night, Dark Knight  on Thursday, and Dark Knight Rises on Saturday.  They were exceptional movies that I highly recommend. They were smart, complex and complete.

My brother's favorite is the final one.  I really liked the second and third one.  The Joker is hard to beat; Heath Ledger did a phenomenal job.  That said, I really liked the third one too.  I like the twist in the tale, which is fitting with Cat Woman.  The third one met its match with the Aurora shooting and the Olympics: those are powerful antagonists.  I've read reviews that boo the third one by saying it's over written and ridiculously implausible.  Of course it is-- it's a super hero tale based on a comic book.

Now, we're watching the Bournes.  Bourne Identity's flashy.  Bourne Supremacy is actually interesting-- the bad guy situation gets complicated.  Good and bad go awry.  They're good movies but pale in comparison to the Dark Knights.

I remember a guy told me that book series are popular with publishers because they represent less marketing because they already have a readership for the sequels.  This makes sense.  And, I like it as a reader... or a viewer.

I really like having the movies and watching them in close succession.  It's reminiscent of when I read the Harry Potters in Japan.  I devoured them.  I even went to Tokyo to buy one because it wasn't in my town.  It's excruciating to wait for an installment of a story to come out.  It's smart to wait until the last one is in place then you can gulp the entire story in one fell swoop.

The Never Ending Story

I hadn't seen this movie in forever!  A friend and I went to see it last night.  I highly recommend it.

Is it cheesy?
Yes, in a really cool way.

Is it hilarious?
Yes, not only where it was supposed to be.

Does it inspire you?
Yes, I came away from it fired up and in a better mood.

Does it give you insight into your childhood psyche?
Yes, it was really bizarre to see the parts I remembered.

This is what I remember from the movie

I forgot that it functioned as allegory, or maybe I didn't understand the concept of allegory in 1984.  The swamps of sadness, "the nothing", and the mirror of your true self were fascinating concepts.  And, I really love the role reading plays in the story, and the role the reader plays in the story. I really enjoyed them as an adult.  I also realized that I need a luck dragon.







When I came home and googled it, I found out the book on which it is based was written by Michael Ende who also wrote Momo, which is one of my favorite novels of all time.  I discovered it when I was in Japan.  So, I'm thinking I need to read the book.  Momo is definitely worth reading too; it feels like a philosopher telling a story.  It raises fascinating ideas, but it's no beach read.  Momo plays with concepts of time.

It was a nice way to spend an evening, especially since we ended on the rooftop of an Irish pub, sipping beer, chatting away about the story and life.

Brave, Esposito, and The Meaning of Marriage

This week's reviews.  Two movies and a book.  Get psyched.

Can I tell you how psyched I was to see Brave?  Who doesn't love a kick-ass princess?  I heard several friends talk about how great it was! Then, I saw it. Disappointment galore.

Merida is no kick-ass princess; she's a selfish, spoiled brat.  She's no Katniss; They only share archery.  Merida harms her family instead of helps them.  They're both feisty but go about it in very different ways.  I think the two characters give two completely different view of the role of freedom: Katniss= freedom as being at liberty to perform one's duty, and Merida= freedom as being at liberty to follow one's whims.  Here's a link to my two reviews regarding Katniss and The Hunger Games.

I thought Brave made light of the role of education and peace-making, and glossed over the necessity of decorum and culture for the most part.  It used hyperbole as if it were theI think it attempted to meld the traditional princess story with a coming of age story, but failed each genre miserably.  And, I think the whole concept of fate gets muddled with the double story.  I can't recommend it.  And, I have to say it further bothered me that such a befuddled, pointless story was set in Scotland.

Fans of the movie would argue that the transference of the "Legend as lesson" from mother to daughter is the point-- that one can learn from other's mistakes if one is wise.  But, I'm not sold on that.  I find it far more problematic that the protagonist would have killed her mother.  She asked that the witch change her mother in lieu of wishing to be changed.  (I'm guessing that I feel such animosity towards Merida, the cartoon character, because I'm dealing with the selfish, spoiled brat aspects of myself and wishing that my situation be changed instead of myself.  I identify with her much to my chagrin-- and it's quite enlightening for my evaluation of my situation when added to a conversation I had on Friday about differentiating between "personal preference" and philosophy/world view/character.)

PS.  I know I'm the dissenting opinion on Brave. Please feel free to disagree with me.

On the other hand, Esposito was awesome.  (Not only should we support local food, but we should support local arts.) It exceeded expectations. It's a love story set in a self-storage place in North Carolina.  Orange shirts and golf carts are involved!  It was obviously the first feature film for most of the ensemble (we're talking actors, writer, director), and that may have added to its charm.  But, it had a good idea and wrestled with questions of honesty, friendship, and character.  Esposito is along the lines of Junebug in terms of Southern flavor, but a little less polished.

It was really funny!  The writer and protagonist is a key player in an improv group.  There's definitely some improv going on in the movie.  The friend I went with wasn't overly thrilled with that aspect of the film, but I liked it.  I found it highly entertaining throughout.  The bit characters were quite fun; they made me think of this quote Designer Women quotation: "In the South we don't institutionalize the crazy, we celebrate them."  I think this idea would be an amazing sitcom.  It'd being distributed in October.  You should check it out.

Now for the book: The Meaning of Marriage by Tim and Kathy Keller.  I read it because my mother bought it for my cousin who's getting married later this month.  My mom asked me to read it in order to guarantee that it be read.  You see, books as gifts are a running joke between my mom and this cousin.  My mom is a former English teacher and my cousin hated/s reading.  You can see where this is headed.  Anyway, my mom would always give M a book with an IOU tucked in the book near the end.  After M read it, Mom would quiz her, and if she knew the answers would give her the money.  I think this time, she's just going to put a check into the book.  M will most likely rifle through the pages.

Anyway, I'm glad I read it.  Keller is a fantastic writer.  Here's my gist of the book.  Marriage isn't about personal happiness or fulfillment.  It's about commitment and covenant.  One's spouse is his or her partner in sanctification-- or as I said in my head, "sanctification buddy".  Marriage, by its essence, changes the individuals.  Marriage should be done in community.  Marriage is good... and hard.  Yet, marriage is no one's salvation.

Singleness is also good; I think he means it since he's a pastor of about 3,000 singles.  Singles need to make sure that they neither glorify or fear marriage.  And, one should consider compatibility of character and friendship as the number one factors in potential partners.  A single should be looking at the person's potential not where they are now (talking about character).  He warned women not to get hung up about money and men about looks.

So, it's slightly more complex than that, and that is why you should read it!

Katniss expansion

Katniss Everdeen has caused quite a stir. Here's a review of other amazing chicks in books. Greatest Girl Characters in YA Lit

Here's a blog post by my favorite fashion blogger: Starts with a K, where her outfit pays homage to Katniss, and she suggests books that are similar to the Hunger Games series.

After having watched the Hunger Games movie and being disappointed, the friend with me pointed out, "It could have been much worse." He was right, but I suggest watching Winter's Bone. I feel that the stories have extremely similar themes, plots, and characters. The main difference is setting: the Ozark mountains in the modern times.

My favorite part of the Hunger Games movie has been the soundtrack. Here's the playlist:

1. "Abraham's Daughter" by Arcade Fire
2. "Tomorrow Will Be Kinder" by The Secret Sisters
3. "Nothing to Remember" by Neko Case
4. "Safe & Sound" by Taylor Swift featuring The Civil Wars
5. "The Ruler & The Killer" by Kid Cudi
6. "Dark Days" by Punch Brothers
7. "One Engine" by The Decemberists
8. "Daughter's Lament" by Carolina Chocolate Drops
9. "Kingdom Come" by The Civil Wars
10. "Take the Heartland" by Glen Hansard
11. "Come Away to the Water" by Maroon 5 featuring Rozzi Crane
12. "Run Daddy Run" by Miranda Lambert ft Pistol Annies
13. "Rules" by Jayme Dee
14. "Eyes Open" by Taylor Swift
15. "Lover is Childlike" by The Low Anthem
16. "Just a Game" by Birdy

My favorite tracks are 3,10, 13, and 16, but I like most of them.

pilates

Pilates kicked my butt today. A good, swift kick. I should have known when all the chicks were decked out in legit gear showing off their svelte bodies. Next time, I'm going to a class with chubby people in sweat pants. I was in the back equally unbalanced with the lone dude. I was sweating and mildly stressed, then my sense of humor came to my rescue. It was oddly ridiculous: while we were doing these bizarre, painful exercises, people were shouting out about stock options and christmas decor. And, I felt like I got a good enough workout that I didn't feel obligated to run in the rain. And, I ate healthily the rest of the day. My snack tonight was carrots. Carrots. Clearly, this week-old gym membership is working its magic. Next thing I'm going to be selling athletic gear at Sports Authority, drinking protein shakes and training for an Ironman. Watch out!

And, I heard back from two job prospects. One of them I talked with the guy on the phone for over an hour. I think I'd really like the work, but it pays very little. Very little is of course much more than I'm making right now, and it's very interesting, worthwhile work.... And, it's work. We shall see. Maybe, they'll work in tandem. The other's a little blah, but it'd pay the bills better than saving the world.

I watched The World's Greatest Dad with Robin Williams. It's interesting not great. The soundtrack is good, and I love Robin Williams. The protagonist is real-- not overly like-able but still sympathetic.

Review: The Elegance of the Hedgehog and Sarah's Key

Key
Elegance

Spoiler Alert: I may ruin the plot twists if you read this; however, I may entice you to enjoy the stories if you read this.

I was sitting back in my chair with my copy of The Elegance of the Hedgehog<, reflecting on the story, when Sarah's Key slammed into my thoughts. There are so many connections and crossovers.

Both follow the lives of a girl and a woman separately until the story lines cross. However, Sarah's Key the the girl is in WWII and the woman in contemporary, and the Hedgehog's two protagonists are contemporary. The stories both center around apartment buildings in Paris. Both stories delve into the power of personal destiny and the power of the individual. All the characters change due to interaction with one another. The stories have to do with the role that self-knowledge and self-perception play in our lives and ability to interact with each other.

The girls in both stories struggle with their power to impact others. Sarah is a fighter; she both saves and harms someone. But, her plan could have worked if her parents would have helped. Paloma at first finds it pointless to fight and then changes her mind. Paloma discovers the key to life is to engage rather than to observe. Sarah cannot escape her engagement. It seems as if the authors use the young characters as a canvas to paint out how determined and shaped a person is by when, where and to whom she is born. I guess the same is true too of the older ones. It reminds me of J. Alfred Prufrock's question "Do I dare disturb the universe?"

The older protagonists are changed as well. Julia is a restless fighter too; she has to discover the truth regardless of the cost. The status quo holds no power over her, yet in the end the status quo wrecks her life. But, she is willing to bear the brunt. Whereas, Renee is bewitched with her understanding of the status quo and what it requires of her.

Both stories preach the power of kindness and selflessness (Ozu and the farming couple) and the necessity of being willing to receive other's generosity (of spirit and stuff). Both are very tight, complete stories, which, luckily, is something that my mom taught me to appreciate. They are not wholesome stories in the Focus on the Family or Disney sense with a safe story line with clear black and white boundaries. They're good stories in that they all strings of idea are tied together and accounted for. They're beautiful in their willingness to explore and redeem seeming ugliness. Is it possible for something good to be born out of something bad? These brilliant stories answer yes.

I remember going to see The Departed with my mom. We met a couple from the church I grew up who was leaving the theater in disgust-- they couldn't get over the violence and language. My mom and I listened to their distressed comments, and then went to the movie. My mom wryly observed afterwards, "I believe we saw very different movies." I'm glad I grew up in a Christian family that wasn't appalled by four-letter words or anger or violence. I wasn't raised to be fearful or ignorant, but to believe in a good and powerful God who enjoys beauty and story and is bigger than any evil.

I think integral to any well-constructed story is hope. There's always the capacity/chance for the character to grow and be changed-- in essence to experience grace. However, the character doesn't have to capitalize on the opportunity. In these stories, all the protagonists are open to grace even though they don't escape evil. There is the beauty.








A wiki overview of the book.

ode to reepicheep: review of Voyage of the Dawn Treader

I waited until I'd reread the book because it had been a long time. I'm glad I did-- it helped me appreciate the movie. Voyage of the Dawn Treader (VDT) is a poignant little ditty. Several scenes are breath-taking. CSL has a knack for coming up with simple, concrete symbolism to explain incredibly complex, esoteric ideas. For instance, Eustace the Dragon trying to rub off his skin and Aslan taking over and cutting deep and hurting Eustace in order for him to become human. However, CSL falls short with delivery and presentation. He's a brilliant chef who serves his french cuisine on dusty paper plates. Lewis's ideas are enjoyable, but he doesn't get mired down with smooth transitions or integrating different threads of story throughout the books. Perhaps he'd been seduced by the deus ex machina of the stories he'd studied. Early literature isn't overly concerned with plausibility. My uncle pointed out that although he prefers the Chronicles of Narnia that JRR Tolkien writes a far tighter and more integrated story. CSL's stories are highly imaginative and scantily clad biblical theology.

The movie is very different from the book in chronology and has fewer scenes. However, the movie tightens the story line by introducing the "green mist" as the overarching conflict. Furthermore, the movie introduces a reason for sailing by collecting the swords of the seven lords to dispel the dreaded green mist and reclaim the Narnians that had been sacrificed to the evil. The movie takes many liberties with the book, but most are in line with the book. I really missed the part of Eustace becoming a dragon and slowly figuring out that he's the dragon that he's trying to escape-- it's funny and a great explanation of the doctrine of sin. And, the other scene near the end when Aslan tells Lucy and Edmond that they won't be back. The movie leaves out the part where Lucy tells Aslan that it is He that she will miss not Narnia.

However, the best part of VDT movie and book is Reepicheep, the valiant mouse who won't shut up. He's the most endearing character in the books! He has such a huge heart, which we see with kindness and gentleness with Eustace the Dragon. We see it again as he sings his song about Aslan's land. He is all about honor and friendship; he's a knight of the first order. He's extremely comfortable with himself and doesn't accept limitation and cowers to no one or no circumstance. It's such a beautiful scene when Lucy finally gets to hug him.

"Inception"

On my trip from Guayaquil, Ecuador to Trujillo, Peru via the most dangerous border crossing in South America, I sat beside the coolest Indian kid ever. He had just graduated from university and worked for 8 months at a crap job living at home in order to save to go on a trip with his friends to South America. We talked for about 6 hours then finally drifted off to sleep. He told me about the Salt Flats in Bolivia and about the rain forest. I told him about the Galapagos and staying with my friend's family. We talked about his future: did he want to go to law school or not-- was it worth the debt? I talked about my love-hate relationship with teaching. And we talked movies. He told me that one thing that got him excited about going back was that he was going to get to see Inception. Apparently all his friends were blasting Facebook with how fabulous it was. Then this week another friend posted that "Inception was a total mind bomb." Finally I was at a RedBox at the Wal-Mart in Gastonia the day before the snow. They had it; I rented it.

Warning: there may be spoilers.

I watched it two nights in a row. It reminds me of Shutter Island-- it's the Funhouse mirrors psychological thriller genre. It's the questionable narrator issue, which is fun. And trippy and, at times, annoying. It was definitely entertaining and well-acted. Most of the characters were likeable.

The movie plays with how dreams function, and, consequently, how thieves can steal ideas-- or in this case, plant ideas. There were multiple story lines, which makes sense given the format of a dream within a dream within a dream. The two main ones for me was for Cobb to succeed in planting the idea in Fischer and for Ariadne to help Cobb defeat Mal/subconscious.

What struck me the most were the metaphors of the characters' names: Dom Cobb, Arthur, Mal, Ariadne, Eames, Yosef, Fischer, Phillipa and Luke. These two short articles Impose's article and Technorati's article give you a break down of the meaning.

It's engaging and entertaining. It raises a lot of interesting issues. Different scenes and connections have been popping into my head all day.

The line that struck me the most was one that Eames said to Arthur as he pulled out a grenade launcher: "You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling." Arthur had been trying unsuccessfully to fend off bad guys with a rifle.

This quotation struck me because it's a) hilarious and b) true. I so often settle for a far smaller and duller life than God has called me. Obedience and holiness is daring to dream a little bigger. Prayer, hope, love and faith are daring to dream a little bigger. So often we let marketers tell us what to want and how we should let ourselves be defined.

The second most important quotation came while they were discussing how to plant the idea into Fischer's mind. They'd already discussed that for an idea to stick they'd have to translate it into emotion. Cobb goes on to say: "I think positive emotion trumps negative emotion every time."

This quotation struck me as a teacher and a friend. I need to keep this in my mind when I want to reach someone, including myself. It reminds me of the idea of always making decisions out of a place of consolation instead of desolation.

Here's a list of quotations from Inception.

There are definitely parts of the movie that are contrived. But the fight scene without gravity trumps the Couching Tiger Hidden Dragon scenes... or at least matches it. It's worth seeing if for just the idea of layered dreams. I'd like to own this movie when it becomes affordable. So five months after the coolest Indian kid ever planted the idea of watching the movie, I saw Inception.

The King's Speech & The Fighter

The King's Speech is a superb movie: well written, well acted. Tonight I went to see The Fighter. It was well acted and believable but hard. There was a lot of violence and harshness in The Fighter. In The King's Speech, the emotional brutality was equal but mitigated by elegance and wit.

The stories are roughly the same: hero overcoming obstacles (Bertie had the speech impediment, Micky poor management and training), dysfunctional family, a crucial/defining moment (Bertie the speech, Micky the title fight), an older brother failing at his chance (David falling in love with Wallis Simpson, Dicky's addiction to crack), both felt they had failed people's expectations, both protagonists were spurned on by their wife/girlfriend, the conflict was ultimately internal (Bertie not being defined by his stutter, Micky letting go of his ties to his family). Both movies were based on real people.

Coming out of The Fighter, I felt like I had been roughed up. My mom's words "It sucks to be poor" came to mind. Micky's mom was self-absorbed and greedy. He didn't have education and exposure to alternatives. All the cards were out on the table in Micky's family. There were manipulators and bad guys, but nothing was ever left to innuendo.

Whereas, Bertie had to deal with loneliness and being surrounded by sychophants. One could call it death by protocol reminiscent of the line from The Madness of King George: "I had forgotten how to seem." As long as the lips were curled in a smile, mouths could utter poisonous words. The most brutal scene of the two movies was between brothers Bertie and David. David purposely misunderstood Bertie and attacked him at his most vulnerable point in a jocular tone. And the other scene between Bertie and his father was almost as brutal-- both render the stutterer speechless.

There was no seeming in The Fighter. If a character had a problem with another character, they'd inevitably duke it out. Energy wasn't wasted on wit. Even the girls got into fist fights.

At one level, the movies served as a reminder that the human condition is the same whether one is poor or rich. No socio economic level has a monopoly on dysfunctional families, heavy expectations, true love, internal conflict, or greatness. One needs good friends, common sense and determination.

Overall, I enjoyed The King's Speech far more than The Fighter. Mark Wahlberg and Christian Bale did a fantastic job, but the movie was too violent on too many levels for me. The King's Speech subtlety and elegance made the story more enjoyable and allowed for more humor.

"A Set of Rules Inside Your Head"

The above title was one of the three definitions of "grammar" I read today. I just added exponentially to my (already above average) nerdiness. You're asking, "Dear God, how is that possible?" I'll tell you: a 300-page, college-level textbook on grammar. Yes, I can chat about prescriptive AND descriptive grammar. Look me up at your next cocktail party.

And, as if grammar nerddom were not enough, I'm preparing an essay on "Assertive Discipline". I have to admit my inner 7th grader was drawn to a theory with "ass" in it-- it's so terribly relevant to discipline. My education classes are useful, but I think my textbook errs on the side of self-importance: it could be a bulleted list as far as I'm concerned.

I'm finally getting productive after several days of a haze of busyness blanketing a dirth of unproductivity. I knocked out three lessons today. At this rate, I'll finish both my classes in fewer than two weeks. On Friday, I found out that I will be offered a contract for next year (for the same position I had last year) as soon as I turn in my grades. Perhaps the uncertainity was weighing on me more than I realized.

Other big decision: I've decided to apply to PhD programs for Fall 2010. Who knows if I'll get in? If I'll get funding? But, I won't for sure if I don't apply.

IKEA overwhelmed me this afternoon. I'd been to the one in Vancouver and DC, but this was the first time I'd been to the one in Charlotte. Ye gods, it's enormous and full of stuff. All kinds of stuff. And, it's kind of creepy because I feel like I'm playing in other peoples' houses.

Last night, I watched "Food, Inc." with a friend and her friend's Christian women's discussion group. I enjoyed it. It felt a lot like book reviews of books I've either read or wanted to read. Both H and I left the theater deflated. How can a supermarket be this evil? Is there anything I can do about it? Knowledge is power, but it's also incredibly depressing.

Creativity corner: I'm coming up with middle-school centers. It's so much fun! I'm coming up with creative ways to engage students with the material. I love this stuff-- it doesn't feel like work. It's so full of imagination.

I'm going on retreat with my mom next Wednesday through Saturday. It should be really interesting and good.

work, work, work

Work and weekend: I can tell I'm teaching alliteration. I worked 9 hours this weekend. I didn't take Saturday off, which we'll see if this is a smart move leading to a lower stress week... or a stupid move, leading to burn out. I got stuff done that I consider "Work Day Work": a bulletin board, a game and a poster of an acrostic poem about test-taking. And, it took me five hours, and I'm not finished.

I sometimes feel like the world's most ineffective teacher, and time is how I assuage my guilt. I put in hours of work. I don't know if it makes me any more effective, but the state is getting a splendid deal when you divide my salary by the hours I work.

I"ve been blogging less because of my Lenten promise and a realization of how much time I spend on my computer. I'm not sure my blogging and FB and emailing constitute "REAL" time. So, I'm experimenting how this is affecting my writing, reading and sanity.

I watched two great movies this weekend: "Iron Man" and "Pride and Prejudice". P&P was set in modern times; Jane and Elizabeth were roommates. It was light and entertaining. IM was fantastic.

I have two exciting ideas for stories that I'm going to play with this week. A colleague gave me a free notepad, which inspired me. It's a crazy notepad from an even crazier business venture. And, teaching Haikus gave me the idea of expanding the 17 syllables into stories. I haven't written fiction in a while. We shall see.




While I was working at the Public Library yesterday, a deep-voice announced over the PA that a Vietnamese Music group was going to perform in 5 minutes. I went; it was a crazy experiment. And, i bought a little "Vietenamese instrument". I met my mom and aunt for dinner. My aunt had just been on her first Eharmony date. We got to hear the details. I asked her how it went, and she replied, "He's smitten." I laughed-- that's so my family: seeing a date as a sells pitch. I then asked if she were smitten. She waved her hand and said, "I'd hang out with him again." So, I'm thinking she's not so much.

I attended the Lutheran Church again. I liked the music and readings. The people were friendly. The sermon lame. I think I can see myself going there. I just need to commit by joining a Sunday School or something.


Local flavor. I'm teaching "irony" too. Urban girl, eh?

wobble

I watched "Last Kiss" with Zach Braff just now, and it's a Monday night. I'm wild and crazy like that. The flick is thought-provoking in an almost suffocating way. Life is lots of gray. It was a hard movie to watch: slow and painful. The characters are very believable. And, the theme of a crisis at one's 30th birthday seemed relevant when I bought it. There's a strong family (or theme) resemblence between it and Garden State. My brother has never watched Garden State all the way through... and he's tried several times. I took several breaks tonight, but always came back. When I watch or read movies or books with these themes and worldview, I'm so glad I can pray to a God who listens. I always agree with their portrait, but I just there's more than what meets the eye. And, I can deal with this starkness better than forced, unearned happy endings. I think the Christian world view is remarkably spacious thanks to the doctrines of sin and creation. We don't need to be shy around depravity or beauty. As for the movie, I recommend it with some reservation. There's gratuitous sex scenes and it shows a lot of unhappy relationships. But, it shows amazing friendship and raises pertinent questions. Not a good date movie, but maybe a good breakup movie. idk.

I'm not teaching tomorrow!! Even better, I'm staying home to grade writing assessments. I've been loaded down with this dread, and I've been putting it off (yes, the very behavior I chastize my students for). But, on Friday, my principal asked me if I'd like her to get me a substitute and take a day to grade them. I told her yes. I had a much better weekend knowing I had time to do it-- I didn't feel guilty going on a hike. I have ambitious plans for my day-- I don't think it'll take eight hours. But, knowing me, I might be working tomorrow night. We shall see.

As I walked, I realized as ambivalent as I am about my job that I'm happier engaged in a project (teaching 7th grade) than roaming in search mode. I'm more productive and emotionally balanced when working 50+ hours. Perhaps, this has to do with my Scottish genes.

the curious case of benjamin button

Hollywood can take a fascinating story and mash it up until it becomes a romantic comedy. Voila, the Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It's a cute, feel-good movie: love at first sight that blossoms into true, eternal love. It's entertaining, but the cinematic version lacks both internal and external logic. The make up work was phenomenal: Cate Blanchett and Brad Pitt looked old (and young). The movie was also had acceptable racism: white people are evil and materialistic and black people have soul and substance. (The one statement of race in the short story was that something along the lines that Mr. Button wished that his son were born black, which is a far stretch from the movie. Benjamin is raised by his family.) There was a lightning joke that ran throughout the movie that felt out of place (and cheap) each time. Yet, the movie maintains an American optimism throughout, which is something quite different from Christian hope. The movie is cute but lacks depth and any statement beyond the Hollywood status quo.

When I got home last night, I looked up the short story on which the movie was based, "Curious Case of Benjamin Button" by F Scott Fitzgerald. I liked the story far more than the movie. It was more edgy and substantative. Benjamin Button grows tired of the woman with whom he falls in love. The characters are more peevish, fickle and believable; and, there's the societal aspect that Fitzgerald nails better than historian; Button attempts to go to Yale, giving birth in a hospital. The short story makes sense: Benjamin is a huge baby who talks-- it's incredibly surreal but has an internal logic. But, the movie doesn't leave with that Hollywood euphoria: everybody's is beautiful, life is beautiful; ergo, I'm happy. Fitzgerald's story (on my first reading) appears to be addressing our general distaste for aberration of any kind; it's uncomfortable and forces us to change (and we resist and the abnormal people fall to the way side). Whereas, the movie seems to be about an unrealistic true love that beats all the odds.

blah, blah, blah

I hope you didn't die from holding your breath for the details from my field trip Friday. Relief: it went A-Okay. The highlight was my brother coming as a chaperone. Several of the girls came up to me to tell me how good lookin' he is. One even said, "You and your brother look nothing alike. Your brother's really cute." Thanks, dude, remember who assigns grades. The two questions that they asked him about me were how old I am and how old is my car. I think it's hilarious that they care about either. They are more fascinated about what my favorite flavor of ice cream is over writing an essay or anything important. My brother even managed to stay awake for the movie unlike my team teacher. I turned around to quell the ruckus in the row behind me. Then, I discovered it was due to my fellow teacher sleeping with her mouth open. I shushed the girls, but didn't call them down (it was funny). I get miffed at her for things like that... we're supposed to be role models. I find such behavior the antithesis of professional.

My brother's observations after watching Tale of Despereaux were 1) what's up with Despereaux's WWI era flight hat and 2) the vegetable guy was really cool. I recognized the Princess' voice but couldn't place it. It's the actor who plays Hermione in the Harry Potters.

After picking my sister at the airport, I ate Kung Pao spaghetti and headed over to my uncle's to watch the Panthers game. We had an amazing time from "helping" my aunt with her eHarmony profile (she was a really good sport as we poked fun at her for thirty minutes)... she was also tipsy. I found out that I have a webkin named after me: it's a tiger. Grr, baby.

After whining about my job to my cousin, he said, "Join the military." We chatted about that. But, that's a real possibility. The pay would be better. PT would be part of the job. I don't think it could be any worse than what I'm doing now. I could even see if I could enter as Chaplain. I could get stationed somewhere really amazing (and still have Americans around me). I need to look into this. Public Education is not going to be my career path. I don't know if this is just a flash in the pan, but this job is just an the extended version of a excruciating suicide. I need to finish this year strong; and, I need an exit plan. This is not for me. I could do four years of army then a JD or PhD. Or, something along those lines. And, I need to get out of this geographical area. I don't have any friends that I see more than once a week. My soul needs more than that. And, I need a place where there's at least the potential of finding a guy interesting to date. So, my conversation with my cousin has got the hamster on the wheel.

it's official

I prefer Captain Wentworth and Colonel Brandon to Mr. Darcy. I just watched the BBC's Sense and Sensibility and have decided I am in dire need of my very own Col. Brandon. I wonder where one goes to order him? Macy's? Barnes and Noble? Probably, the internets would work best... a girl can find anything on the internets.

I had three interviews today. One went exceedingly well, but I mustn't get my hope up. And, I concocted the world's best fruit salad: blackberries, blueberries, strawberries, kiwi, peaches and nectarines. No cantalope and grapes-- the baby's breath of the fruit salad world.

I had a lovely run, but am in desperate need of a chiropracter and masseuse due to my zealous training. No doubt when I locate Col Brandon, he'll crack my back if I ask politely.

exhausted from beating a dead horse

Perhaps a new approach is called for in my quest for a job, preferably a job that incorporates my education and natural bents. So I'm travelling down two new avenues to see where they lead. One's a little bizarre; the other is reasonable. I have a growing affinity for dead ends. But, God is good: AP came to my rescue. When a Mad girl has got your back, you're covered. Within two hours of our conversation, she had produced results. I like it. We'll see if a job materializes, but her help did function as CPR in my hope department.

My brother framed this segment of my life in terms of spiritual odyssey instead of the frame I've been using: dismal failure. It's beyond cliche to talk about letting go of what you thought your life would look like so I shan't.

I watched two movies AGAIN today. I saw WALL E with the chief in a theater; then we watched Casino Royale. AP laughed when I said WALL E lacked nuance, but it did. It's cute not profound. It's overly didactic: be sure to strap on your metaphor helmet-- it's an avalanche zone. And, I saw Casino Royale in the theater twice when it came out. I like it. The action sequences were amazing on the big screen and lost some of their umph on our TV screen. But, I noticed some connections I missed before.

a two-movie day

Today I ate 5 sausage biscuits: two for breakfast and three for dinner (I also ate some fruit and vegetables: a cucumber, a tomato and a banana split). The biscuits were oddly satisfying. I'd probably repeat it tomorrow except we've run out of them.

Not only have I scarfed biscuit for biscuit with my brother (he can even eat them late night, whereas I have limits), we're haircut for haircut, and movie and movie for movie and movie. Differences: I ran while he watched the baseball game in which the Red Sox lost to the Angels? Come now. He's reading CSL's Silver Chair and I'm O'Connor's A Good Man Is Hard to Find. Different haircuts although it was the same stylist. FYI: we're not identical twins.

MOVIES:

Disclaimer: I'm a movie glutton. I can watch just about anything and like it. To prove my point I'll admit that two of my all-time favorite movies are So I Married an Ax Murderer and Babette's Feast. Heck, I liked Semi-Pro, and I do enjoy a good pretentious film every now and then (Valley of Elah was my favorite for 2007).

My brother and I went to see Dark Knight. It was excellent! I will have to see it again. It's dense. Hype usually ruins movies for me. Example: I saw Shakespeare in Love after it won all those awards, and my response, "This is it?" SIL wasn't bad, but neither was it brilliant. But, this movie is well cast, well acted, well written. And Batman's toys are so much fun. Literary themes of good and evil and questions of human nature and anarchy weave their way throughout the movie. The characters are 3D: good guys aren't sterling nor the bad rotten. It was so enthralling that I didn't mind how packed the house was and the copious amount of popcorn literally in surround sound. (Who deemed popcorn "the movie snack"? If I owned a movie theater, popcorn would be replaced with yogurt, bananas and sausage biscuits.)

Then, we watched Thomas Crowne Affair with Pierce Brosnan. It was good, but suffered from the obvious comparison. The Chief described the "love scenes" aptly with a single word, "crass". The rock-star lifestyle, scenery and clothes were enjoyable. The lovers' testing one another reminded me of Shakespeare's Antony and Cleopatra. And, the plot twists were clever enough to make me grin, but suffer from the comparison with the Oscar Wilde play I watched last week.

misflicker

My past two days have been sponsored by frustration and angst (more so than usual). Patience has never been my strong suit. But, the nonchalance and disregard I'm getting from employers has really unhinged me right now. On the phone with my brother, I was estimating how many rejections I've experienced, expecting some compassion. His response was: "It should make it easier to put yourself out there." I've developed resignation but not aloofness. I'm no longer surprised but it still feels personal. It helps me realize how few friends I have-- lots of people have advice and few people listen.

My desolations don't need naming; it just seems that all HR departments are trash heaps for the people who couldn't hack it in other parts of the country.

But, my consolations were tiny and delicate:

1. Helped a friend organize her kitchen cabinets.

2. Watched A Good Woman, an excellent movie with Helen Hunt, based on Oscar Wilde's "Lady Windemere's Fan". It's a play of redemption and the good and evil inside of all of us. And, it's so well-crafted and witty and true. Oscar Wilde is one of my favorite writers. I came away with the idea of hope and self-examination... and how often we settle for the obvious in lieu of the truth. There were numerous quotations noteworthy:

"It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious."


3. I love Wendell Berry. His writing is brilliant, simple and true. Simple in the sense of pure, without dross. Perhaps, I should say elegant. His characters remind of the neighbors I grew up with on the dirt road in Clover, SC.

From "Pray without Ceasing" in Wendell Berry's Fidelity

"'.... I believed then, and I believe now, that he was not a bad man. But we are all as little children. Some know it and some don't.'
She looked at me to see if I was one who knew it, and I nodded, but I was only thirty and did not know it yet." (12)

This fictional grandmother offered me a lot of grace through this scene for me and for others. Sometimes, I'm overwhelmed by immaturity and selfishness and lack of vision and hope, but I'm like a little kid-- it's hubris to be surprised by my shortcomings and get aggravated at others.

"... one of the characteristic diseases of the twentieth century was making its way: the suspicion that one would be improved if they were someplace else." (20)

He makes wander-lust sound abominable, but there's no escaping yourself. I have this disease. It's scary to invest and put down roots. I've gotten used to the student life. But, it is a disease-- it saps joy out of stuff.

4. A delightful email that prodded me to a delightful (and much needed) run.