bummer

The interview. Yeah... about that. I need to psyche myself up for things, especially if I'm not that excited about them. I got dressed up, which I thought would do the trick. But, I needed more than my thrift store finds to get me through this interview. Plus, there was a huge gap in the amount of work and responsibility and the pay. I'm basically supposed to start a business from scratch working 20 hours a week making $14 an hour with no benefits. What's in it for me? There was no teaching. I did not have a good attitude. I wasn't rude, but I wasn't Pollyanna. I didn't ooze enthusiasm.

The important part of my day was interior. I think Holy Spirit day hit me this afternoon. I really had some insights into my heart and life that were sobering yet encouraging. It happened while I read the last chapters of Cliff Williams' Singleness of Heart.

Another quote

I was at church for over seven hours today! Yikes. And, I should say at the YMCA because there is no church. I enjoyed it. I read the Scripture (Daniel 4:27-37 and I Thess 4:13-18). The sermon was topical on God's Sovereignty. But, back to me, I got compliments on my reading, but I had really good material. King Nebachednezzar going crazy gives the reader something with which to work. And, I met a cool guy during set up. We went to the same university but he graduated last year; we had some of the same professors. That was nice.

Quotation: "Everything has beauty" Confucius. I profoundly disagree with this statement. It in fact makes me upset because it sounds good, but it has terrible implications. There's beauty in genocide, infanticide, AIDS, slavery? Think a little, people. God can redeem things-- that makes God beautiful not the horrid circumstances.

***Update: I wrote my question as a comment on the pinterest pin and received a livid response. (I did write more tactfully than above.) My friend said my question was absurd. But, in my defense, I think genocide, etc. fall under the umbrella of "everything". I probably shouldn't have said anything because she took it as a personal attack. The beauty in this situation is: I think I'm going to use this as the starting question for my advent class-- we are in some desperate need of some true beauty in this broken world.

excitement with Alpha or Alpha!

Kendra Baird's painting
We had Holy Spirit day today. It was a slow start. I fell asleep during the TWO video lectures in the morning, an inauspicious beginning for sure. But, I went on a gorgeous walk with the lady from Montreal in my group and talked about the numerous parallels our very different lives have. We had way too much food, which depressed me because I knew how much it cost. However, a guy took the leftovers sans vegetable tray to the Men's Shelter. So, that was a good ending.

The awesome part of the day came after lunch: the hour and a half of prayer time. There was 45 minutes of soaking prayer and 45 minutes of intercessory prayer. I was on the receiving end of the soaking prayer, which was much needed. Then, Joy and I went around and prayed for all the women in the room. We asked them what they wanted to pray and then we took turns praying over them. (Someone referred to us as the minimalist team because we were few in words. I don't think it was a complaint rather a comparison.) It was an amazing blessing to pray with these women. I was overwhelmed by how much God loves each of us and struck by his design of our souls and lives. I guess we were a group of normal (boring?) people, but praying makes you aware of a much bigger and deeper story of which we're all a part. Our lives are not our own-- they belong to God and to each other. Talking about gifts of the Spirit brought home how God blesses individuals in order to bless the church. Being surrounded by these fellow course members was encouraging despite the lack of fireworks and feats of wonder. It was a lovely day; I'm glad I came. It provided some context. To quote Rowan Williams, we're all being "unmade in order to be remade" and the "goal of a Christian life is not enlightenment but wholeness."

much needed quotation

When we begin to believe God can provide the unexpected, we won't live our lives with doubts and constraints. -Cliff Young

I'm suffocating from doubt and self-imposed constraints right now. Today, I really busted after yesterday's loveliness with this thought, "I'm excited about an interview to become a secretary-- where did I go wrong?" I've just been feeling angst about all the things I don't have today. But, this is where faith is faith. God is good and sovereign-- reading in I Kings this morning was a good reminder.

crest!

"Autumn Rain" by Cynthia Herron on the Freed Gallery

So, today was a fantastic day for me! 1) A business called me this morning to set up an interview (Monday at 7:15). 2) Then, a manager from a tutoring business interviewed me by phone, and I got the job. 3) And, then after that news, I got an email from a school I applied to over a month ago to fill out a survey for the headmistress. THIS is the job I really want. It's a secretary, but it's good hours at a good school and would be good for also tutoring and teaching adjunct. 4) As if that wasn't enough, I went to the thrift shop and found a gorgeous coral sweater set for $6 and an old charcoal gray wool skirt (old= really good material, excellent construction and classic style) $7. 5) Had a fantastic time celebrating my brother's 24th birthday with him and my mom. It's a low key kind of a birthday, and he was okay with that. Both their pastors came by, and all three of us were drinking. (This is kind of bad in the South, the younger pastor actually said something (haha).)

But, my excellent day was the ying to my sister's yang day. The bottom fell out for her. But, she was a good sport and said that the ying went to me instead of some total stranger. We like to keep the highs and lows in the family.

My sister's heart break and my hopefulness are a microcosm of the world and reminded me of this Advent quotations:

"All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy." -Romans 8:22-5

"I've learned how much the Advent season holds, how it breaks into our lives with images of dark and light, first and last things, watchfulness and longing, origin and destiny." Kathleen Norris

I would say it confronts with the gloriousness and wretchedness of our humanness and ultimately our helplessness. And, it reframes it in the context of God's forever loving kindness. His withness. His compassion for us. We who can't help ourselves our made complete by the Creator of the universe.

I'm listening to a steady downpour of rain. It's lovely and relaxing. It's also a metaphor of God's blessing in the OT and in Charlotte, NC.

on marriage

from Amazon


Tim and Kathy Keller have just released a book on marriage titled The Meaning of Marriage, based on a popular sermon series he did. I love reading about marriage, but I haven't read it yet. My favorite book on marriage is by a Regent grad called The Mystery of Marriage. So, maybe this will rank up there. We will see.

However, I did watch the The Meaning of Marriage live discussion tonight. It was thought provoking.

What I like about these books (presuming the discussion is related to the book) is that they're primarily about your relationship with God and present marriage as a catalyst in becoming holy. God will sanctify his people anyway he pleases. I'm not sure evangelicals have really bought into this. Bethany was a moderator, and she talked about how to apply the ideas to her life as a single. She said it was easy: loving the stranger and confronting your selfishness (plenty of opportunity for that as a single), embracing femininity (or masculinity as the case may be) doesn't require marriage, loving and forgiving someone who's hurt you-- single people have friends and family for that too.

So, oddly, reading about marriage makes me more content about being single. It fights all my urges to settle for a nice guy-- there's a lot on the line. And, last month a friend's husband contacted me to buy me a flight to her birthday party in Austin, TX so I can come for the weekend. If I were to get married, I want a husband who not only remembers my birthday but knows my random friends and contacts them on my behalf (he hasn't even met me in person). Tim Keller kept on talking about your spouse as your best friend and counsellor. That you fall in love with the person God is making him into and vice versa. Books like these raise the bar.

Advent: 2nd Coming

Come, Lord Jesus!

Come, Lord Jesus! Do I dare
Cry: Lord Jesus, quickly come!
Flash the lightning in the air,
Crash the thunder on my home!
Should I speak this awful prayer?
Come, Lord Jesus, help me dare.

Come, Lord Jesus! You I call
To come (come soon!) are not the child
Who lay once in the manger stall
Are not the infant meek and mild.
You come in judgment on our all:
Help me to know you, whom I call.

Come, Lord Jesus! Come this night
With your purging and your power,
For the earth is dark with blight
And in sin we run and cower
Before the splendid, raging sight
Of the breaking of the night.

Come, my Lord! Our darkness end!
Break the bonds of time and space.
All the powers of evil rend
By the radiance of your face.
The laughing stars with joy attend:
Come Lord Jesus! By my end!

L'engle

I can't get this to fit on a power point slide. Should I break it up or just pick a couple of stanzas? If a break up, which stanzas would you choose?