game on

Butch fixed my car. The rhythmic thumping sound disappeared, but the alignment got wacked. My new right front wheel bearing set me back $234 instead of the estimated $370 (Butch looked up the wrong screen on Saturday morning). That was a pleasant surprise. I always go to Mom and Pop joints whenever possible; "Butch" is a fitting name for a mechanic-- maybe not for a heart surgeon. Fixed car is a definite relief, esp. since it wasn't the transmission or engine.

I don't have the temperment or the fortitude it takes to teach seventh grade. I cry, "Uncle" everyday before noon. I was ready to go home when I picked up my homeroom from gym. They were going ballistic, walking in the grass, picking at each other. I feel my prissiness come out: "Be civilized." And, I remark, "Unbelievable" when I'm utterly confounded by someone's antics. I had 2 things stolen from my desk Friday.

So, I'm going to cut out fun: there's going to be lots of seat work and a draconian discipline system. Screw my idea of an economy of plusses and minuses-- my little darlings stole some of the items I bought out of my cabinet I forgot to lock. If they get their name on the board: silent lunch. If they get a check beside their name: Redirect. Things are out of hand. It feels like I'm discipling and following through, but I must not be. I just to call parents every night a child misbehaves. Hell, what's another hour to a twelve hour day. And, I'm having issues with projectiles, so, I'm going to have them leave their bookbags at the front of the room. I did send some emails out to Department chairs for adjunct positions.

I'm going for a walk-- I'm too stressed to run. Walking is more cathartic for stress... running for anger.

And, I need to write and read more. I'm thinking that public school wasn't a good fit for me as a student and it isn't a good fit for me as a teacher. Perhaps, I'm relenquishing personal responsibility too readily.