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I think I might start asking "do you want champagne?" in lieu of "how are you?" It really changes the atmosphere of the conversation as only effervescing alcohol can... even if it is only the mention of it. Even if you were in a really horrid situation, you would still want champagne, I imagine. It reconstructs the most dreary day into a celebration.
I told my brother that there was only one true answer to this question: something along the lines of "Yes!" or "Absolutely!" He pointed out that "Do you have something stronger?" would be a viable response.
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