The Four Loves has to be one of my favorite books by CS Lewis. I found the introduction in which he discusses gift-love and receipt-love to be a game-changer for me. It is really tough to receive love, especially when you are unable to reciprocate. When you're the giver, you have control; and when you're the receiver, you're vulnerable and relinquish control. He argues that are human relationships prepare us for agape, which is completely receipt-love from our standpoint.
Plus, I got a lot out of the chapter on friends, and the idea of being shoulder-to-shoulder, facing the world. He calls friendship the highest love because it is the purest of the human loves. He equates eros with fire and hunger-- something that has more to do with our animal instincts. He says friendship is much more and contends eros is at its best set within a friendship. He's a big fan of friends turning into more, but females and relationships with them was never his strong suit. Both his mother and wife died young, and he had no sisters. Women were not really a part of his world; they were mostly characters in books for him. I digress.
I agree with his chapter on friendship. Friendship is good and makes life livable. I think it is one of God's greatest gifts to us, which makes sense considering he's a triune God. In Sacred Space "Consciousness" prayer for May 12, it states, "Help me Lord to be more conscious of your presence. Teach me to recognise your presence in others. Fill my heart with gratitude for the times Your love has been shown to me through the care of others."
And, I'm really grateful for God's love being shown through the care of others. This week has been chalk full of concrete instances. Friends' generosities have made me cry and filled me with hope this week. I can feel my worth through their love. Some of it came in terms of money, and some came in terms of sharing really helpful information that was private and made the person vulnerable.
It's been very interesting learning how to love and be loved in this period of unemployment. I have two friends who have been the stalwarts throughout the ordeal. The guy has been through an extended period of unemployment, so he understands it from experience. He has a useful compassion. And, my other friend is a social worker by trade and has an amazingly tender heart for all people, including me. She reminds me that often times people care but simply don't know how to demonstrate their care. They don't know how to love or help me through this time. And, I'm learning the key to friendship is presence. So much of friendship comes down to participation.
I'm also realizing the importance of struggle and suffering in our lives. People who make it through are generally gentler, kinder people than the people who haven't been through tough times. But this is a generalization. Some people come out even more brittle: "If I had to go through it, so do you" kind of mentality. Ravi Zacharias says we'll end life with one of three types of heart: hard, broken or tender. The two amazing friends have been some really rough patches and come through with tender hearts and greater faith.
I'm realizing that I put a lot of emphasis on accomplishments. I was duly impressed by the accomplishments of a lot of my friends at my high school reunion. But, I'm realizing that the eternal question is: who am I becoming? I was depressed at my birthday because this year was a total bust-- my only accomplishment was making it through in one piece. But, I'm now reconfiguring the question: how have I grown? Is my heart softer? Do I feel more gratitude? More humility? Am I more patient, kind, loving, etc? Is my heart more prayerful? Am I more like my friends?
No comments:
Post a Comment