satin pillowcase and tilapia

are a few of my favorite things. My sewing instructor took me out to dinner to celebrate my birthday tonight. The Chief and G's husband came too. I ate tilapia. She made me a Carolina blue satin pillowcase with lace trim. It's gorgeous and will be good for my hair and skin. I went for a run in lieu of crosstraining-- running is so much easier and faster. Maybe I'll try to follow the training manual tomorrow. Hmm.

So, I read the first chapter in Lottery Rose to my classes yesterday, and today I read the first chapter in The Boy in the Striped Pajamas. Then, I let them vote on which story to read. Both classes voted for Striped Pajamas. It must be because it's a movie... or perhaps it's the lighter tone. They both have very heavy themes. Plus, I think we're prone to enjoy first person narration in these post mod times.

Getting the planning done for my my unofficial birthday party. I bought a whiffle ball (with bright blue bat) set and a red kickball. I'm hoping that the isolated thunderstorms slated for Saturday afternoon will be somewhere else other than the Catawba from2-7pm. They're calling for 80 degrees-- that's ideal.

I found out the Vancouver Half Marathon is two weeks after the Tofino one. Should I stay a little longer and run that one too? Decisions. Decisions.

new day

The past few school days have run smoothly, which is so relaxing. I don't come home with all my stores depleted-- a hollow shell of a human being. I come home and part of the day's festivities are already humorous. I have plans on how to spend my time after school. I had the energy to grade and work right after school.

Run update: Saturday's long run went brilliantly-- faster and longer than planned. Sunday went for a great 20 minute run when I should have been resting, but the run felt great. The genius runs caught me today. Fifteen minutes out I was really light headed and bodied. I must not have eaten enough today. Running, rowing and swimming function as appetite depressants for me. I needed to eat more snacks... maybe tomorrow. In college, I'd set an extra alarm clock an hour before my real one so that I could drink an Ensure before practice. If I drank it too close, then it would upset my stomach. The only thing worse than a 5am practice is being nauseated during a 5am practice.

I went shopping with my mom yesterday. She got some really cool pieces for my sister's various graduation fetes. It was fun to watch her try on the clothes. She found some pieces that she'll thoroughly enjoy.

I also realized how and gloom and doom I've become as I described my day as "freakishly good". I had a incredibly fun conversation with my brother today; he cracks me up.

5 more projects!

I awoke at 6:30 and ran at 7:30 before it got hot. Then, I went fabric shopping. I found a great pencil skirt pattern (I've decided they look more professional and sleek than A-line). This will be my fifth pattern; this will be my limit for the next while. I'd rather master the four major ones than branch out. These patterns suit my body, lifestyle and ability. Plus, it'll make dressing easier. So far, projects slated for late spring/early summer: white pencil skirt, white wide leg pants, khaki skirt, khaki wide leg pants, and a flax multi-colored pencil skirt-- all washable. The cotton I bought for the white pencil skirt is fabulous. We washed and dried it, and it needed no ironing (it has to be a blend). I already love this skirt and I've only cut it out. I think I might go back and buy up some more yards of the this exciting, low maintenance fabric. It has a nifty, subtle white on white pattern and would make a chic sheath and pants. Granted, it means I'll have to line each piece, but that's okay if I'll never have to iron them! The alchemy between the rectangle piece of fabric and the piece fascinates me. The pieces never fail to confound me. They either exceed my expectations or come out with me asking, "I thought this was a good idea?"

As I approach my birthday, I have a reflex of going into "year in review" mode. This year was dominated by my first year teaching, but I realized that the most enjoyable aspect has been learning to sew. Sewing alleviates that constant nagging feeling I have about my uselessness. I'm by nature abstract, so it's fabulous to have projects that have products beside typed papers with a letter assigned. Hopefully one day, I'll be proficient enough to be able to whip up concoctions for family and friends. A dress would make a great graduation present for my sister.

And, I hemmed my new dress. The hem's power to transform awes me. It's the same for darts. Geez, Louise and I are amazed at how minor changes have exponential payoff. There's a life metaphor/moral in there somewhere. I think I'll start replacing the "butterfly effect" with "hem effect" or "dart effect" to an audience of befuddled stares.

My long run went smoothly. I'm glad I ended up going so early; it got hot. We've fast-forwarded to summer.

flat tire

Yesterday was one of my best teaching days yet! I nipped discipline problems in the bud while remaining chipper. The kids wrote page long journals about their life in 20 years. They engaged in conversation about oxymorons and paradoxes. The classes were quick paced. The students and I were amazed at our efficiency.

Today was okay. I'm learning how to relax in the disfunction and chaos. Things are never as they should be. The copier is always jammed or busy with 10 page packets when I'm working with tight margins. My planning-period ward needed much one on one work with prepositional phrases. Today as we were writing down literary terms to play bingo, I could see the kids get excited about how much they learned. They wouldn't stop spouting terms even though it meant more work. They were having fun. But, the natives are restless with the weather gorgeous.

But, the highlight of this teaching week has come during Walk and Talk. My 12 and 13 year olds are enthralled by the catepillars. They pick them up and play with them: they have the critters crawl up sticks. So, there are a couple of boys we had to say, "Don't step on them." But, for the most part they're gentle and curious with them. Seeing my little punks play with catepillars makes me appreciate them more. It reminds me that there's more to them than bravado, whining, body humor and sexual innuendo. I got to see them as precious little kids delighting in fuzzy worms.

This afternoon as I was hurrying to meet the Chief in order to meet my sister for dinner, I realized I had a flat. I could hear and feel it. Thankfully, the custodian was out dealing with trash. He fixed it with only a few comments about how dang hot it was. I gave him the towel I had in my gym bag, which helped a little.

I went to the place I bought the tires with the donut. They replaced the tire; whatever metal I ran over tore up the inside of the tire. Yay, for warranties and good customer service. I need to get Triple A for my car. It's common sense when your car has over 254k miles on it one might think.

I finished Jean Ferris's Bad tonight. I felt a large part of the book was about the power of literature in a reader's life. I got a list of books I'd like to read from it (Road to Oz). The protagonist's teacher assigns her books, which she falls in love with in juvie hall. I enjoyed it, and, more importantly, I think my kids will. I now have to create a Reading Guide. Then, I've started Sebestyen's Word by Heart. It's a powerful story, but I wonder if the setting and diction will mess with my kids.

Slated for tomorrow: long run and sewing. Don't I sound like a hip 60 year old-- not to mention I ordered something from Talbot's this week. And, I'm so ready for bed. Note to self: I hang out with the Chief and her sister altogether too much.

moderately unique

I had a quality conversation with my sister this afternoon. It was intense, intimate and spiritual. We're close because closeness has been forced on us and has become habit. And, there is the bizarre and true adage, "blood is thicker than water." We talked about experiencing God, disruptive thinking, moderate uniqueness and being grown-ups. It was a summative conversation-- one for the annals.

I received the feedback from my final formal observation today: I showed growth and am completely up to speed (well at least in my HR folder). I took the Chief out to dinner to celebrate.

I've been remarkably happy the past couple of days. It's similar to the euphoria of falling in love. But, there's no said guy. I'm thinking it's either hormonal or a giant relief of the completion of the school year on the horizon.

So far, Day 5 of my half-marathon training is going well. I'm sore from last night's Body Pump; I'm glad I stuck to the weenie weights. Strength conditioning counts as cross-training, doesn't it?

Schools going well. I think I've finally acclimated to the environment and stress. I'm less prone to being overwhelmed.

weekend's accomplishments

I accomplished fun this weekend. Lots of fun. I got in a lot of exercise (running, weightlifting, walking), book club (the conversation actually played into several choices I've made this weekend), "Sunshine Cleaning", sushi, church (and a hymn earlier than the 10th Century). I helped my aunt move offices on Saturday, which sounds like work, and enjoyed it. I hadn't seen her in a while, and mindless labor is cathartic at times.

I went to bed at 10pm on Friday and Saturday nights, which contributed to the dirth of blogging. I got no school work accomplished. So, that will account for my Monday and Tuesday nights. But, sleep is so very good. I feel much more peaceful, relaxed and hopeful. Overwhelming crisises don't loom in every crook and cranny when I'm rested.

I decided to train for the Half Marathon after realizing I'm no longer in good enough shape to wing anything over five miles. This decision kind of surprised me, but the resolve has energized me... and settle a lot of my school angst. I'm now feeling the weight of my humanity in more than my job. Balance is good. And, I chatted with my sewing instructor. It sounds as if we're both ready to get back in the proverbial saddle.

My writing has fallen to the way side, but I rationalize this state of affairs by saying living a full satisfying life provides fodder. For instance, the Chief and I lost the phone today, but finally discovered it in a Nordstrom's bag. The first time I called it, I got a busy signal.

Can you tell how I'm experimenting with syntax? I'm trying not to frontload sentences with prepositional phrases and such. I'm trying this a little longer, but then will try to integrate the two styles.

wrap around porch

I drove over to a friend's after work. My offering was ice cream sandwiches because she asked for something like and has a sixth grader. N who's been in Germany since August brought beer. We ate enchiladas and salads and drank beer. Then we moved outside onto the porch and sat in Adirondacks. An owl perched in the huge tree. It was beautiful and awesome and huge. I couldn't believe when I looked at the clock and it was nine. Yikes, I'd arrived at 5:30. I'm behind on my TDL, but 'twas well worth it.

revamp

I need to revamp busy-- to figure out the architecture of balance. It pains me to reach this point, but I think I need a schedule. I was so productive in high school, and it was due to the structure of my time. Breakfast check in was by 7:45 am. Study hall was from 8-9:30. Sports 3:30-5:30. Lights out was at 11. Everything was so nice and slotted. I still managed to have a ton of fun and down time: it was called the weekend.

Structure and order are not a bad thing. I need a time budget in order to prioritize my priorities. It sucks when I get to the end of the day and am too exhausted to read or journal. And, it's my own fault. I'm responsible for letting myself get to the point where I resent my job. I think this schedule thing will function as a type of boundary.

We shall see. Today was a day that made me consider a leave of absence. But, it was redeemed by the meeting after school-- they fed us Outback chicken, salad and potato. The restaurant donated it to the new teachers. And, the Junior League donated cook books. Awesome.

hatchin' a plot, schemin' a scheme

and listening to the new U2. Tonight after meeting with the accredidation/certification specialist for my LEA and discussing the courses I need to take to get certified, I'm jazzed about the classes I have to take. For instance, a college level grammar class is on the list. Is that cool or what? And, we're talking adolescent literature and European history and some other groovy classes. Then, there's middle school methodology. I have a deep-seated disdain for people who use the word "methodology" over "methods" in the same manner I loathe "utilize" over "use" and "distinctive" over "distinct" or the word "unique". They're loaded with pretense and self-importance and lack basic logic and understanding.

And, this excitement over classes is balancing out the hope that's expanding in my soul's defunct hope factory. I'm writing cover letters to schools where I'd love to teach and in cities where I'd love to live and subjects I'd love to teach. It's encouraging to apply to these schools that are out of my league. Writing these letters reminds me of all of the stuff out in the world that I long to do. I'm not dried and shrivelled yet. But, the letter-writing is reminding me of the things I have to offer and spurring me to take classes to keep growing. So, I'm trying to framing this experience as movement in the right direction. I'll probably be here another year, but I'll be more practiced with applications and interviewing and more learned.

School wasn't that bad today. When I started to get panicky and weepy, I wrote a list of small tasks to accomplish, and it got me back on track.

Plus, I'm considering joining a master's rowing team to get my butt in shape and meet some people I have something in common with.

Easter 2009

skipped Easter 2007 due to the hijinks of time zones, flying from Charlotte Douglas to Narita. After that miss, I promised myself that I'd be home and in church if at all possible for Christmas and Easter. This morning was beautiful. Virginia kept saying, "This is the day the Lord has made!" He is risen! Church was packed. The sermon prickled, which is what a sermon is supposed to do. You're supposed to feel a little uncomfortable in my estimation. Spending time with Virg is a reminder of what my grandpa said, "If you live, you're going to get old." And the Easter sermon was a reminder that frailty and death are NOT natural. God did not intend for us to suffer this way, but he allowed his son to die for us. This Easter functioned as an alarm clock for a busy day.

It was fun to see everybody in their Easter finery. It was good to spend time with my family. And we shopped for earrings, bracelets and necklaces from my sister's Nica hope jewelry. Fashion with a heart.

home made

Love's been on my mind lately. More specifically, I've been mulling over the difference between real love and ideal love. While growing up, my mother always said, "You have to accept love the way people give it, and it's rarely the way you'd like." My grandpa bought me Ensure by the case when I was rowing in college because he thought I'd gotten too skinny. He never used the L word; he'd always tell me that he was proud of me.

I realize I'm expecting the wrong thing. Love is newborn awkward-- precious and cute but vulnerable and unruly. It's home-made awkward-- every batch comes out different. It's custom not standardized. It's humble and easily overlooked. It's quiet and gentle making it easily ignored. No soundtracks or sequins or capes to draw attention to it.

For instance, my mom helping me every evening for a week grade papers, plan lessons, organize reviews, pack, clean so that I could go to DC. Her willingness to give up her nights and join with me gave me the energy to plow through the work. And, I enjoyed myself so much-- knowing the cost sweetened the experience.

Then there's E's generosity in sharing her life and house to me for a few days. We shared the old parts of our friendship-- The Olde Brogue, walking, friends and ventured into new territory.

Or the most recent example is J-D and me planning and orchestrating the delivery of the outdoor table and chairs Mom purchased and deemed would fit in my station wagon. (Eyeballing it doesn't always work.) Two trips and 1.5 hours later the apparatus was on Mom's patio.



Then, of course, there's Good Friday and Easter. Nobody was expecting Love (or love) to be so vulnerable and powerful. We celebrate the grace of the cross with pastel bunnies and hot cross buns when it seems splinters and rare meat would be more apropos. Love is both fierce and vulerable, glaring and unpretentious. I'm learning love requires a interpretive mechanism. As I comb through some of my memories, I've recognized points of my history that were infused with love that I was unable to experience at the time. So often the proper responses to love are "yes, please" and "thank you".

This rumination on love also has led to thinking about how I love people. But, that's for another entry.

zoo

Zoo. Hot Chocolate. Sloth Bears. Eager Volunteer. Tacos at Uncle Julio's. Vienna. Tysons One. PF Chang's. Lots of fun. Nippy. Exhaustion. Fun.

happy and snappy

I'm writing this on A's computer in Arlington, VA. I lived a magnificent day! I woke up at 7:30, fed the 12 hour meter, ate breakfast, rode the orange line to the Smithsonian stop. Then, I met S who I haven't seen in 8 years. We had a great time. First thing after the hug, we were accosted by an Australian TV crew for an interview. Come to find out, it was a spoof. I signed the release so that they could use it.

We laughed and joked as we admired the cherry blossoms in the rain. And, we chuckled at our artsy shots of the Tulip Library with Don's Johns in the background. We went to the Natural Science Museum and checked out the Darwin and Orchid exhibit. Then we went to the National Gallery's Sculpture Garden and then the National Gallery. S knows art; I enjoyed her knowledge and observations.

We almost made it to the East building, but lunch and the gift shop stopped us. Lunch was good; we ordered the exact same thing except we got different hot teas. We talked about our lives and goals... and turning 30.

Then she had to go to work. I ended up going to the Freer and Sackler museums. I got really cool Teacher's guides for Islam Art, Ancient China and the Silk Road that incorporate the art into history lessons. They also have the kids produce something.

I then went to the East building and saw the Illuminated Manuscript Exhibit and the Calder room. I took illegal pictures in both; I got fussed at in both. I didn't see any signs.

I went out to eat with A at this nifty "European Fast Food" restaurant. It was delicious, fresh and different.

Then I went to shop for a wedding present for R; I missed his wedding in August. I'll give them: Berry's "Collected Poems", Collins' "Sailing Around the Room Alone" and Eliot's "Four Quartets".

Tomorrow I'm going to the zoo with E.

I'm exhausted; I think Carolina will manage to win this championship without me watching.

tdl, parents and origami

Can I come up with titles or what? I don't beat around the bush; I cut to the chase. My titles are in line with 18th and 19th Century Titles that are about 20 words long, communicating exactly the journey on which you're embarking.

My overwhelming To Do List has been whittled down to reasonable. My departure date of Sunday is eminently reasonable. I feel a sense of accomplishment that I got so much completed-- I still have some to do, but not nearly what it was. I'm still missing some of my students' writing assessments, which makes me nervous. I've scoured my desk and all the papers around my room. So, that's unresolved. But, much of the other work I tore through.

We had parent-teacher conferences from 12-7 tonight. Six parents signed up, and fifteen parents showed up. I was hoping for a little more down time to grade, but some of the meetings were productive. Again I felt the profound differences between my teammate and me; we're different on many levels. However, I had a more rational approach than emotional this time around. It's an interesting spot working as an equal with someone who's twenty years older. Furthermore, our educations, intellects, interests and backgrounds differ. I need to decide whether to ask for a switch now or later.

I'm excited about tomorrow's lesson that integrates Language Arts and Social Studies. We're going to make origami. First, we're going to read the directions and analyze it as an informational text. Then, we're going to make a couple. Then, I'm going to read Sadaku and the 1,000 Paper Cranes. The story will integrate the origami with yesterday's lesson about the atom bomb and Hiroshima. I want to talk about the power of story and art over facts. I want to talk about how origami is a great lesson in Japanese culture (it's slow and kind of pointless, but it's also beautiful and requires a high level of patience and attentiveness). I'm really excited. I hope my kids like it!

This week has been full and good. It's surreal that April is upon us! Surreal and sweet.