latest crusade worth joining

Save the Males is becoming a necessity. Men and masculinity are under attack to detriment of men, women and children. Not that women haven't suffered, but the answer is not retribution but equality. My sister and I were watching TV in early August. We were struck by how men were portrayed and attacked. It was infuriating to this feminist. This attack is the logical trajectory to the past forty years. I'd love to hear what people have to see.

the blitz

As for first days, the day went well. There are many kinks left to adjust; c'est la vie. Overall impressions: I like my kids and I'm good at being strict (sense of humor and matter-of-factness are key). I spent most of my day reading the student code of conduct out loud. (Yes, it was riveting when I read it. I have drama in spades. I did stumble over the "sexual organs" part: it goes on to list what they're referring to. I choked and then recovered. I didn't ask, "Any questions?" after that one.)

In my core classes, we talked strengths and goals. The tone was positive and realistic. I told them that goals had to concrete and qualifiable. "Better" is not a goal based on my criteria. The stand out for strengths was I asked, "What are you really good at? What do you love to do?"
He looked straight at me and said sheepishly, "Mow the lawn."
I grinned, "That's cool."
He looked back at his sheet of paper and wrote nothing.
"What do you like about working in the yard? Being outside? The physical nature? Sense of completion?"
He considered what I said and answered, "I like to work."
I said something like "nifty" or "awesome-- that will serve you well throughout life."

His earnestness and simplicity struck me as rare and good. How few people would say: I like to work. This kid is headed for a good life in a Wendell Berry sort of way.

There's this tough fragility to my kids. As they walked around the track, I was looking at both little kids and adults-- this maturing thing is a slow transition. I'm at awe at how articulate some of them are, and then several take off their shoes and drop kick them over other kids oblivious to the harm that could happen. And, at lunch I didn't have a seating chart so there was a boy table and a girl table. We'll see how long that lasts.

The day went by extremely quickly, and I am tired. When reviewing my day, I realized my propensity to dwell on the patches of issues (that could and should be addressed) instead of the delight. As far as commutes go, mine is top drawer. It's beautiful with fun, curvy roads. I only had to yell "Quiet" four times. Things will settle down. We'll have fun and learn a lot.

When I asked the Chief what she was looking forward to in the coming year, she said, "The kids."

She's right.

eegatz

I haven't run since my puny run on Monday night. I have an excuse. There's only been one day this week that I've worked under eleven hours. I'm going in tomorrow morning but have to finish up by 12:30 for a mandated hair appointment. The chief has decided that I need to look good Monday, which includes getting my hair done. I'm not exactly sure what I'm going for because the Chief even made the appointment.

I'm exhausted and excited. I think Sunday I might stay home and do all my laundry and prepare lunches so that will be taken care of. I'm letting myself work these crazy hours next week too. Then, I have to scale back to maybe two or three long days a week and one or two Saturdays a month. I'm going to rejoin the Y and maybe get a personal trainer so that I have a reason to leave. Must run marathon and I'm coming home too tired and too late to run. A creative enterprise is this teaching business.

I covet this parts-of-speech poster. Quick quiz: name the eight parts of speech in thirty seconds. Ha.

the flag

I pledged allegiance (sp?) to the American flag tonight. It's been a very long time since I've said it. I've put my hand on my heart at ball games but never said the full pledge. Saying the words felt good. I thought about the ideals of our country and all the people who have said it before me. It was like the feeling of transcendance that comes from liturgy: I get to say (and participate in) words that are far bigger than I am.

cute

Yesterday, I left my house at 7:15 am and got back after 9:15pm. This is my excuse for not blogging. I was at school for 11 hours. As I left at 6:30pm, I thought about a teacher told me that she calculated what she made per hour and it made her cry. I'm starting to understand.

This morning, I had to drive to a LA meeting. It took 20 minutes--all middle school teachers of the subject congregated to fill out a survey. Then, when I arrived at my school I got conned into going to another meeting about technology. None of the new teachers could log on to the program. (The tech person was txting other people and told us she'd come next week but she'd go ahead and show us what to do.) I'm a big fan of "presentations" that consist of a handout that the person reads aloud. WTF. After getting incensed, I excused myself and left. I'll soon find out if that kind of chutzpah is punishable; I'll just explain that the girl was wasting my time (and the school's time for that matter).

But, my afternoon meeting was cool. We painted African masks and worked with the technology with the text book. It was a fun and useful meeting. I was getting cynical about the possibility.

I don't like the 2 other grade level teachers that teach my subject matter. It's that simple. They're kind of whiney and silly (but not cool silly). I chatted over my disdain for the oafs with my spiritual director. Who better than a Benedictine to discuss living in community? He gave me some practical and philosophical advice. He told me not to let people and circumstances suck the goodness, joy and pleasure out of the quotidian. Philippians 4:9, isn't it? The PE teacher me the same thing as I quietly rolled my eyes with the incompetent tech.

Well, he said, "Cute, ain't it? There's going to be a lot of this. Might as well get used to it."

I'm getting excited and overwhelmed about the school year. I'm going to meet with N & C tonight for dinner. Yippee.

not ready

I am not ready to meet with my spiritual director tomorrow. In fact, I made a conscious decision to watch the Olympics in lieu of being spiritual. (But, watching the gymnasts perform on the rings was pretty awe-inspiring.) I don't feel prepared or clean enough somehow. I guess it's a good thing that I'm going-- keeps me honest. Today's run was a crapfest as well.

I really like and respect my principal and teammate. And, there are two other super-duper teachers. Navigating the faculty socio-political scene is going to be tricky-tricky. But, I have at least one kindred spirit.

again

I had another fabulous Sunday long funrun. I went a longer distance and a shorter time. Am I stud or was the temperature lower? And, I'm not as tired, but my right knee went a little wonky minutes 20-35 then straightened out by the end of the run. I should ice.

I attended a service of a church plant that a sincere chap started. I find him endearing. However, I did not find a new church home. But, as I waded through the service and read through the bulletin, I discovered that I wanting a church with a strong teaching component. The church's mother church (or whatever it's called) is having a spiritual formation mini-retreat and September Wednesday night classes. And not on flakey abstraction, which proves you're hip. The classes I'm interested in are one on the history and uses of creeds and catechisms in a healthy faith. And, one of my favorite Christian thinkers and doers is teaching a class on Romans. As you can tell, these opportunities perked me up and alerted me to something I've been missing. I love learning meaty stuff. I hope it's meaty.

I spent 6.5 hours in my classroom yesterday. With all my mom's backing and my sister's work and planning, the room is starting to look like a classroom. I'm going to really like it and maybe the students will too. I have a lot of plants. And, my sister found cool non-teachery objects to hang on the wall. For instance, she got this huge poster of elephants and a mask to symbolize sub-saharan Africa, and a poster of a painting of a pagoda and oriental fans for Asia. My sister's decoration is such an excellent entrance for imagination and connection. But, my mom urged me not to make it busy; she said kids don't need access to information (they have tons of information); they need ways to process, interpret, analyze and synthesize data.

And, the shape of my classes' schedules is beginning to form. The pacing guide for Social Studies is actually useful; the one for Language Arts is noteably less so. The LA dissects the part of a story as if you can teach plot separate from character, etc; I find that problematic on so many levels. Of course, I'm a veteran teacher with valuable and valued opinions.

I'm also figuring my out of teaching schedule; I'm guessing I'll work at least 55 hours a week this year. Training for my marathon will be a priority. So will spiritual direction. Questions: small group and writing group. Do I cull these because neither benefits me? I enjoy both, but I can't detect any growth because of them. Inertia is not good logic. Along the same lines, I so wish I had a church I felt at home in. Do I make do with the familiar and the okay while I transition into a time, energy and emotion-sucking job?

I need to invest in a magic-eight ball.

Mandy, you should move to Charlotte. Please. I need kindred spirits who run. Jerry? Tim? Jenny? Andrea? Greg? Pretty please.

dilemma?

I'm prone to dilemmas. It's something in my makeup. I even paused to decide between "dilemmas" and "dilemmae".

I need to calm down and learn some humility. Take it down a notch... in everything.

So, my dilemmas are: what do I wear tomorrow? (Ha, just kidding. It'll be something I've already ironed. Probably. Maybe not.) And, of course, there's a guy dilemma. I just need to go to a speed-date thing. That seems like fun.

But, I have a growing peace about teaching this year. I'm amazed at how good a fit the school is for me, and how willing people are to help. God is good.

zealous not jealous

I'm tired: proof that life is good. It's the delicious kind of tired that one earns from a productive day. I had meetings from 8-4:30 then I came home and answered a bevy of phone calls and emails. A friend took me out to dinner to celebrate my job; we had a good time catching up. I always get to hear how fabulous my brother is from this friend. She asked me, "Do you think he's the slightest bit spoiled with two big sisters and a mother who dote on him?" I told her we aren't the only members of his fan club-- just the founding members.

I was exasperated with the state of my classroom, but my sister and mother worked on it today while I was in new teacher orientation. My room was so disgusting that my mom dained to use the word, "gross". Yay, family to the rescue. Apparently, they had fun playing with the staff too.

Yesterday, I worked on my room after having breakfast with an old friend. We laughed so hard and discussed theology. It was good.

Tomorrow, we celebrate my mom's birthday with a day of festivities. She's going to enjoy herself. Friday, after teacher orientation I'm going out with some friends to say goodbye to N who's moving to Germany for two years.

As for the orientation, I'm a swinging pendulum. Sometimes, I'm really engaged and soaking up the ideas. Other times, I'm rolling my eyes (figuritively of course) and thinking this is my tax money at work. Some of the people are intelligent, creative and hard working. Some are annoying.

This flaccid excuse of a human being, let alone a teacher, had the audacity to ask me why they let me teach. Of course, this was after she told me that "she wasn't a reader". I kindly explained that I had taught and that I had real degrees. Perhaps, I took it too far when I told her that we made fun of education majors at my university. Seriously, you could pick them out. (I guess you could say that about Classics majors, English majors, etc.) But, where do you start with a person who has such a limited understanding that education departments are brand spanking new (with a none too impressive track record) in the span of things? Not to mention public education is basically a Puritan experiment, which I'm not quite sure I'd judge successful.

However, the chief contends that I will discover a few kindred spirits among the rabble.

cranky 2 happy

Today was long and hard but good. I taught Sunday School, which was okay. I need to pow-wow with my co-teacher; we have different styles in classroom management. I think the rotation style sets up for awkwardness. There's no way to set a routine with the kids. Kids dig routines. I dig routine. (Good thing: M gave me some groovy shoes to teach in. Thank you.

Then I had brunch with some family. I love my family, but my cousins' wife and girlfriend epitomize the non-Madeira girl. You know, the vapid variety of girl who think small, tidy thoughts. Those girls are not the type I'd ever call up to hang out. But, my aunt and cousins rock; they're hilarious and interesting. I'm always a bit distracted by disappointment. But, who knows, maybe my cousins will rub off on them and spark some life into them.

My aunt and I then went to get coffee and post-game analysis. I said, "They have really good lemon bars." AL replied, "Do you want to split a fudge brownie?" I said, "Sure."

Then I met with a friend from church to mine his brain about spiritual direction and sip roosiboos (or however you spell it and pronounce it). By the time I drove home after this lineup, I needed Bach's Sonatas and Partitas. But, they were not enough. I came home to numerous unsolicited hints about hemming the skirt I made yesterday. Shut it. Already.

But, then, I went on a long run. AAAAHHHHHH. It was so good, improving my mood to the level of a well-adjusted human being. Then, I ate green beans and homemade potato salad for dinner. Then went out with my sister and am now enjoying www.engrish.com. Awesome.

opening ceremony in beijing

The Olympics arouse in me an intangible excitment, mystique and awe. Athletics represent the beauty of striving of perseverance of passion. And, there's the unbelievable talent and skill of the Olympians. Originally in Greece, the Olympics honored Zeus and were men only.

My favorite parts of the opening games was learning. I have never heard of some of those countries nor how they pronounce their country's name. And, Gabon's "president for life" took the cake for most entertaining phrase. I believe you mean dictator. He's entered his forty-first year. And, I like that Canada pays her athletes around 20k for winning medals; we'll see if green incentive works. I also liked how the commentators mentioned how polite the crowd was as if they had a choice. I have no real favorites. Twenty UNC alums and students are participating in the '08 Olympics-- not too shabby. Go Heels.

people=busy

My schedule is experiencing severe population growth. Weekly, its appointment density increases exponentially. Suddenly, I'm having to exercise priorities. Yowsers. Last night, I came home to three phone messages, requiring callbacks. I only made two. It makes me a little panicky but excited. I'm experiencing a levity of soul that I haven't felt in over a year... maybe two.

I met with my spiritual director last night; he commented that my countenance is more joyful. And, we started strategizing on how to build my schedule while maintaining the necessary foundations. How to be mindful and purposeful rather than reactionary. We'll see how successful I am. So, now I'm cleaning, planning and organizing. It's easy to be productive now that I have a tangible goal.

I enjoyed lunch yesterday with a future colleague. My sister got a job offer from the corporation she interned with; she's pleased even if not overly surprised.

a new blog

I've started a new blog to chronicle my forays into public-school teaching: Little Green Apple. Perhaps, it's due to studying differentiation, tiering and grouping; perhaps, it's spaghetti-ing. So far it has some sexy book reviews. (I have a friend who teaches journalism who says the key to marketing is "sexy".)

Due to this teaching gig, I spent four hours yesterday (emailing, calling and faxing Japan, Vancouver, Boone and DC). I have to get people to fill out work verification forms, and a lot of people are on vacation. Good times!! I remind myself that I'm jumping these hoops for a job rather than the possibility of a job. It's worth it. Unlike filling applications that take over two hours and then not even to get a call back.

I'm meeting my team teacher at Panera for lunch. I'm excited. I asked the Chief what I should wear. She resisted rolling her eyes and said, "Jeans or shorts. It's casual." A lot rides on our relationship.

I'm busy whiddling away at ideas and the curriculum. I read "Rikki-Tikki-Tavi" last night. I love that story, and it's blatant propaganda for the Raj.

I had a the best run last night; I had to stop myself. I felt as if I were wading in luke-warm vegetable beef soup due to the humidity. But, the moon was good company with his cheshire grin. I need to plan some kind of cross-training. Does weight-training count?

realizations

I'm adverse to maturing. I had a coach in college who called me and my boat "scrappers"; she meant it as a compliment. We're fighters, bulldogs, stout-hearted. But, far too often, I fray with my make-up and the world the way it is. (Who doesn't prefer beauty to wit?) As my excitement mounts for teaching, I'm doing some platonic self-examination (the unexamined life is not worth living). I need to assess my strengths and weaknesses, and find a way to implement a classroom management style that accentuates the positive in my students and myself. Preparing to teach has made me very aware of the behaviors and attitudes I model: it's humbling. I can't imagine what the process must be for the parent prone to navel-gazing. Perhaps, the realizations are good and will lead to a new and improved self with an ample dose of grace and perseverance.

***

I've embarked on reading teacher books, which are introducing me to some skills and principles. I'm learning a lot. Reading about teaching is a very different kind of reading for me; it's a different intellectual excercise. I'm used to thinking in more abstract terms. It feels similar to reading Runner's World-- some articles pertain to me and I adjust the information to fit my situation. I'm reading for knowledge and understanding, but ultimately to change and grow. I'm going to have skills after this year.

***

I need to change churches. I went into hyper-analytical mode during Sunday's service. No prayer occurred during the entire service. Not a single prayer. And, this after a sermon series on prayer. A fundamental disconnect exists somewhere. I tried to consider all the possible reasons that they're would be no prayer, but I couldn't come up with a satisfying one. All I could think about is what a person new to the faith would walk away with from this service: vague, emotional nothingness. Maybe if the vague, emotional nothingness was positive enough, they'll come back. The sermon seemed more about Rothko and Juno than, say, Jesus. Every sermon seems to gaze into the navel of the human condition, but that's merely a finite slice of the human condition and the Christian faith. Jesus can (and does) woo anybody in any circumstance, but this is taking hipness too far. Did I worship and connect with the living God? No. Did I enjoy chatting with friends? Yes. There's something off in how I'm wired and how I engage in worship with this church. Perhaps I have different expectations and concept of Sunday service. Perhaps, I'm too simple for this church. I have a plan for this Sunday, but am up in the air for the next ones. One Sunday at a time. I'll have to ween myself off.

***

I enjoy running. I'm slowly getting in shape. Training for a marathon is going to be rough my first year of teaching, but I think it'll force me to take care of myself.

***

I'm goal-oriented. Now that I have a job, I'm far more productive and efficient.

puppy story

My favorite story from hanging out with Murphy and Maggie:

The Chief came over to the house with me. I'd taken the pups out to frolick and such in the backyard. Then, Maggie, the Chief and I were relaxing on the porch. The Chief and I read. The Chief, who apparently is a latent dog-whisperer, tells me, "I think she wants to get up on the sofa next to you."

I lug Maggie up onto the sofa. She adjusts herself to sit perpendicular to me with her head resting on my leg. I, who am not a dog whisperer latent or otherwise, know to pet her. I rub her back as I read my book. We sit contentedly.

Then, the Chief interrupts my reading, "It's irritating when you pet me in the same place repeatedly."

It takes me a second to register that my mom is telling me how to pet the dog from the dog's point of view. That perspective would be "first dog singular". She has stopped reading her book and started analyzing and critiquing my petting skills. But, to spice things up she spoke from the dog's view. This episode gave me an insight into my eccentricities: they're natural.

But, the Chief does not stop there, oh no. She says, "Pet me between my eyes and down my snout." (Yes, she used the word, "snout".) Then, when I follow her instructions, she says, "Very nice."

Finally after several rounds of being told how to properly pet this dog, I ask Mom, "Why are you telling me how to pet Maggie?"

"Because I can see her facial expressions, and they register what she likes," she answers.

Awesome.

propaganda pooches

I'm dogsitting some cuties. I think they're a cockapoo and a poo. The black one's Murphy, and the white one's Maggie. The puppies are well-mannered and considerate. They like to cuddle and sit right next to you, but, you see, they smell like dog. And, Murphy will climb up on the cushion behind you and stick her snout next to your cheekbone, providing a whiff of dog and dog breath. And, she'll gently paw your shoulder (two light strokes) to let you know that she needs to be petted. They're cute high maintenance. I catch myself doing exactly what they want me to do. Maggie will bring me her kong, I'll stop what I'm doing and go put a treat in it and bring it back to her. Murphy will stand on her hind legs, bouncing her paws in the air; then, I'll go get her a treat.

I grew up with dogs and cats, but dogs and cats outside. We had two black labs and a cat. We lived out in the country on a dirt road and everybody was happy. And, one of my friends had a weiner dog named Baxter who was trained: he'd heel and all. What a fabulous pooch.

Now if I were to have dogs, I'd want a Rhodesian ridgeback, quiet beagle or a whippet. Dogs are a huge responsibility. I feel taxed by having to water my plants regularly. I'm not sure I'm up to dog-level responsibility. But, these lil pooches make me want to strive for a beagle. I

politics and friendship

Most of my friends are Democrats, and most are enamored with Obama. It's odd, but I'm used to it. There's something odd about my world view. I have a very low view of government and politics. In fact, neither presidential candidate does it for me. I'm put out with McCain as well; it's just that I don't have visceral reaction of profound disgust when I see McCain. It seems that for a lot of people voting Democrat assuages their guilt for the situation our country is in and relieves them of the responsibility of getting personally involved. The problem is slightly bigger than the tax structure; it's a heart thing-- collective and individual. And, it's going to take us all getting involved.

This diatribe is the result of a late night conversation with J who lives west of me and forgets that I'm in a different time zone. I asked him what his thoughts were on the presidential race. And, I listened to his thoughts for 30 minutes. Rarely do I agree completely with J, but I always find him and his thought process fascinating. He's enamored with Obama. His favorite is actually Edwards, and I'm still friends with him. I love and respect him so much (and know it's mutual) that I can actually listen to him talk politics. I think I'm just not going to vote-- the mature and logical decision, I know. J says Obama needs my vote. I told him my not voting was in Obama's favor.

School news: I didn't meet my team teacher today, but I did meet the janitor and financial secretary. I bought some decorations and posters for my classroom but get a sinking feeling to think about how much it's going to cost to decorate the stinking room (it's going to cost several hundred dollars-- it's big and old). The chief told me to focus on the lesson plans-- the classroom is secondary. So, I'll focus on what I can do. It's part of being positive. Do what you can, and don't stew over what you have no control over. I need to model for the students, eh?