back in the game

I've heard people call busyness a narcotic, but I'd also say it is a catharsis too. Busyness allows my brain, which is far too prone to navel-gazing, a reprieve from the internal stare. There's something to be said about the speed of a day that you don't know what's coming next. Today school wasn't so bad. I'm just overwhelmed by the stacks of paper. That's my next project. It has to be. I was getting irked at all the meetings and things I have to do after school this week: faculty meeting on Wednesday, parent conferences until 7:30 on Friday, a meeting in the County office. But, the Chief has been encouraging me to view it as a challenge to overcome rather than an exhausting burden. I'm picturing the writing tests that must be scored, the crap load of meetings, the crap load of grading, the crap load of organizing as hurdles on a 200M straightaway between Washington, DC and me.

The Chief said not to let the bastards to grind me down. She said, "We'll do everything in our power to get you on your vacation." And, she's helping me even more than usual: she's helping me score my papers and urging self-care on me. I would not have made it through this horrendous year without the infatiguable (sp?) support (concrete encouragement) that the Chief dishes out on a daily basis. Hail!

I'll keep you posted on the score between The Man and Me.

Go Heels! My team made it to the Final Four. I'm really pleased for the players who stayed an extra year-- I hope they go all the way!

ooze

I'm still sick, and I'm tired of being sick. And, I realized that a lot of my illness is stress related. My job has worn me down. A friend asked me what I do for fun, and there was a pause afterwards. This afternoon I was thinking about what I like about my job and my mind became a blank slate. I realized that I'm not going to be able to go to DC for Spring Break due to my job, and I started crying. Then, I pulled myself together and applied with a placement company. At least I'm doing something. I need to move somewhere where I can find community and a job that doesn't eat me alive.

And, I found a possible outlet for my writing. We shall see. This is a ray of light in the dismal landscape. I just wish I were decent at something lucrative.

And, I'm going to have to make exercise a priority for health reasons. I think that'll help with the stress. And, I have no idea how to inject fun into my weeks. (Quit my job?)

And, I need to cull things that aren't life-giving, being as I need no help suffocating. "No Exit" seems to be posted on my life right now, which proves that I have little to no faith in God.

Project Manifesto

I've detected a much needed project in my life. It's been poking its head out of a shell. The problem really started mid-way through my second year of Regent. And, my twenties have been rough, which is definitely a contributing factor. But, awareness is the first step. See if you can guess what my project is from these hints... or just me. I think this project properly implemented will make a great difference in the rest of my life.

fodder

Last night I heard this quotation: "Conservatives believe in the freedom from coercion. Liberals believe in the freedom from want." I've been pondering it. Neither is possible; both are problematic. Regardless, the quotation as flawed as it is paints the difference at a fundamental and philosophical level. Conservatives aren't mean-spirited but philosophically opposed to Obama's stances on things. Statism is scary to a lot of us. It reminds me of the distopias I read about in high school: The Handmaid's Tale, Anthem, Animal Farm, etcetera.

sick, oh

I left school at noon yesterday. I felt like crap, and when people asked me what's wrong I said my throat. But, it was this ambiguous, tight, raw, ache feeling through the majority of my body. (This feeling scares me because when I was in Japan I got this kind of sick and had 104 fever for about a week-- it was horrible and I was frightened out of my mind.)

I drove directly to the Minute Clinic about an eighth of a mile from my house and waited for 90 minutes. And, there were kids running around like heathens; I felt like handcuffing them to their ineffective parents. If a kid won't listen to you when she's two, God help all of us when she's thirteen.

Then, they ran some tests: strep, flu, blood. Strep and flu were negative, but my white blood cell count was extremely elevated-- over twice what most people have with strep. I felt somewhat vindicated that I wasn't a complete woos, which was what I was thinking when the other tests came back negative. They took lung x-rays. There's a little something in my right lung, but nothing worthy of the white cell count. He forgot about me a while, then when I reminded him that I was still there, he chatted with me and gave me a prescription and doctor's excuse. He was apologetic he couldn't pinpoint it, but said there was something (probably bacterial) going on. He went on to say this differentiated me from most of the his patients for whom he prescribed a sugar pill. All and all I spent three hours at the minute clinic. Good thing I wasn't dying.

Yesterday, I felt too crappy to do anything. I couldn't read, sleep, eat. I lay in my bed and hurt. I moved to the sofa when the Chief came home so that I'd have some company as I ached. I did scrounge up lesson plans that took over an hour.

I thought I'd take advantage of this window of opportunity (dulled pain and energy) and blog.

work, work, work

Work and weekend: I can tell I'm teaching alliteration. I worked 9 hours this weekend. I didn't take Saturday off, which we'll see if this is a smart move leading to a lower stress week... or a stupid move, leading to burn out. I got stuff done that I consider "Work Day Work": a bulletin board, a game and a poster of an acrostic poem about test-taking. And, it took me five hours, and I'm not finished.

I sometimes feel like the world's most ineffective teacher, and time is how I assuage my guilt. I put in hours of work. I don't know if it makes me any more effective, but the state is getting a splendid deal when you divide my salary by the hours I work.

I"ve been blogging less because of my Lenten promise and a realization of how much time I spend on my computer. I'm not sure my blogging and FB and emailing constitute "REAL" time. So, I'm experimenting how this is affecting my writing, reading and sanity.

I watched two great movies this weekend: "Iron Man" and "Pride and Prejudice". P&P was set in modern times; Jane and Elizabeth were roommates. It was light and entertaining. IM was fantastic.

I have two exciting ideas for stories that I'm going to play with this week. A colleague gave me a free notepad, which inspired me. It's a crazy notepad from an even crazier business venture. And, teaching Haikus gave me the idea of expanding the 17 syllables into stories. I haven't written fiction in a while. We shall see.




While I was working at the Public Library yesterday, a deep-voice announced over the PA that a Vietnamese Music group was going to perform in 5 minutes. I went; it was a crazy experiment. And, i bought a little "Vietenamese instrument". I met my mom and aunt for dinner. My aunt had just been on her first Eharmony date. We got to hear the details. I asked her how it went, and she replied, "He's smitten." I laughed-- that's so my family: seeing a date as a sells pitch. I then asked if she were smitten. She waved her hand and said, "I'd hang out with him again." So, I'm thinking she's not so much.

I attended the Lutheran Church again. I liked the music and readings. The people were friendly. The sermon lame. I think I can see myself going there. I just need to commit by joining a Sunday School or something.


Local flavor. I'm teaching "irony" too. Urban girl, eh?

splurge

I finally slept last night. The sleep tasted delicious, but it was even harder to get up. Ironic?

I've enjoyed breaking in my new clothes and shoes. My students enjoyed my clothes too.

I got a pedicure and manicure so that I am spiffy enough to wear the snazzy clothes.

My afternoon has been rough. The job is more stressful than ever, but I'm adjusting to it. The shock value has decreased. I'm learning to chant: c'est la vie; God is good.

Last night a friend taught the book of Ruth. He reminded me how important it is how we frame our story.

My favorite church marquis has a great quotation: "Get rich quick: count your blessings." It's a good, cheesy reminder. But, it helps me focus on the miniscule victories-- the positive. The couple of sponges who sit in my class rather than the sea of adversaries.

sidetracked

I had noble plans for today. I went to church, met my mom for lunch and went to Nordstrom's for a pair of sandals that she saw last week. That's where I wander off the black and white ideals of my illustrious plan. Said sandals were nowhere to be found. So, I found two other pairs of shoes: adorable and expensive. Then, we went to find a handbag to keep my shoes company because of the law of consumerism that goes like this Visas in motion tend to stay in motion. Found an awesome over the top bag... and a polka dot dress... and yellow dangle earrings... and a third pair of shoes. I enjoyed the time with my mom, and I felt very patriotic as I spent money in our depressed economy. My Visa is a check card so I'm not paying interest.

And, I love U2's No Line on the Horizon. The lyrics are really good. U2 make aging appear a good thing. They're cranking out new, amazing stuff rather than giving tours reliving their glory days from 20 years ago.

So, tomorrow I will grade the papers and do some of the paperwork I'd slated to do this afternoon. I'm trying to enjoy the time I spent with my mom and the deals I found instead of feeling guilty for not working the six or so hours I normally pull on a weekend. Being a teacher is a lot like being a student-- there's always a little dark rain cloud of work and guilt in your line of sight.

speed

Tuesday I left after 6:50 for work. I usually leave between 6:37-6:43. So, as irony had it, I was pulled over by a cop. I pulled out my license and sat patiently as he ran my license plate. He came up and asked if I knew I was speeding. I told him that I was just following the truck in front of me. He replied, "That can get you into trouble." To which I responded, "Apparently." As he studied my license, he told me I was racing at 45 through a 20 and 35 zone. I was quiet because I was in the wrong and in a hurry. I did manage to throw in "I teach" into an answer. I'm glad to report he let me off with a warning, and I have been really good at not speeding for the past five days. This following the law is going to take a change in habit. I'm giving up speeding for Lent. I try to think about the other people involved in my route (for instance the people who live in the houses along the road.)

School news: The real problem kid got removed from my team. But, after school on Friday when he came back from the suspension, he threw something and hit me in the head. When I marched him up to the principal's office, he was muttering expletives and threats to me. I hope this is enough to get him into counseling. He's a smart kid, but he's got some anger and emotional issues. And, another kid "shot" me in class. I can't imagine having done that when I was in 7th grade, but that's neither here nor there. My teachers didn't have jeans day either. But, my afternoon block went well. We discussed Gandhi, wrote scary stories, and explicated a poem.

Phone news: I caught up with a good Regent friend on Wednesday night. My brother came home Thursday night. And, I chatted with my cousin on Friday night. I miss having interaction with males; they have a different (which makes it useful) perspective. My time with these dear guys encouraged me.

Books: My book club failed to meet this week, which was discouraging. But, I finally read A Theology of Reading all the way through. It's a rigorous, worth-while read. I'm going to be mulling over several of his points for the rest of my life I imagine. The book was talking about applying the Law of Love to reading, creating a hermeneutic of love or charitable reading. All his examples from literature and his discussing of the history and philosophy of interpretation was fascinating. I came away with "loving attentiveness" and engaging in conversation, and willingness to be changed. He also got me thinking about the Christian concept of will, what love is, and how language of rights have usurped the language of love in our culture (and the implications).

Today I finished "Fat Kid Rules the World". It's a hilarious, beautiful book. It's a small-scale Confederacy of Dunces. It's episodic, character sketches. The first person narrator was excellent. It was painfully awkward and achingly beautiful. It was quick and compact. Troy, "Big T", is a 300 pound high school senior. He's miserable, and he meets a punk rocker as he contemplates jumping in front of a subway train. It's an unlikely friendship. The characters are cartoonish in nature, but somehow she breathes life and believability into them. Fat kid learns to play the drums. The book deals with addiction, abuse, obesity and other very raw and very real issues. I recommend it highly, esp for kids who are social misfits and/or are into music. There's obscenity but it fits the characters. One of my favorite lines is: "I'd spent years waiting for those exact words and it never once occured to me to give them away." There were parts of the book that resonated with me a little too much.

I started Lewis' Great Divorce tonight. What a beautiful and thought-provoking book. It's our next selection in book club.

I had a lazy day today. I've felt jet-lagged all week due to daylight saving time. My sleep schedule has been off. So, I think my laziness is a result of that.

Lent sacrifice: I'm not succeeding with my vow to forgo internet, but I am reading more of my Bible daily. And, it's pinpointed that internet is a definite point of time suckage for me.

words heavy and old

"Language reveals the man. Speak that I may see thee," said Ben Jonson. This quotation is a close relation to Lincoln's "It is better to stay silent and let people think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." As somebody with a big mouth and as a recent recipient of the aftermath of a wagging tongue, I am experiencing the Scripture's truth about talking too much, too self-indulgently.

Wichtenstein wrote, "Words are deeds." And, as I chew on all these words on words, the phrase "pondered in her heart" comes to mind. Mary pondered things in the seat of her motivation, will, emotion and intellect. I play it off as if I'm a "verbal processor" and an extremely slow and inefficient one at that. But, there's something profound at stake that I dismiss too lightly with that flippant retort.

Our language and communication are undergoing a shift. We're converting to movies instead of books. Our spelling, punctuation and grammar are becoming far more casual. We've grown lazy and apathetic even in our vocabulary. Imprecise diction is common. We prefer instant gratification to the painstaking effort of writing precisely what we mean-- txt instead of letter writing. Perhaps there's a degree of inflation involved with the words we encounter on a daily basis. There's no devotion to the family tree of a word, etymology. We're coining words to decipher our advances in technology. But, we're no longer learning Greek and Latin. We're becoming a society of men without chests and ideas without roots (in history).

This afternoon I savored my brother's barb: "Ok, F. Scott. You remind me of a dorm master with no students, how zen like!" I enjoy witty banter as much as the next person. But, is this wrong? Is silly bad? It's just words with a different valence.

I need to be attentive to my words' weight. Venting should probably be directed toward prayer. Venting is self-indulgent in my case. And, as I taught Buddhism today, I thought about how meditation in Christianity isn't a goal of cessation of thought but of transformation of thought. James Houston called it a "psalmic consciousness". We believe our Savior is the Word and we're called to imitate him.

My rambling is a bit ironic considering the subject.

my drive home

My drive home had a theme today. We'll call it "Howdy, Partner". I've never seen a kid riding a bike around suited up for a Rodeo. The lad was having a really good time. He doesn't let Monday rain on his parade.

Then, I loved this marquis. It's human-centered theology at its best! God wants to make your dreams come true, buddy! Just be nice and come to church on Sundays (and Wednesday nights) and Daddy'll get you that Cadillac.

My drive was hilarious and thought-provoking. I had my windows down and some tunes blaring. And, to think this time last week there were six inches of snow on the ground-- I drove nowhere. There's a profound analogy lurking around... or maybe just a typical March in North Carolina. Symbolism is tricky.

I have a twenty-five minute commute, and it's got to be one of the best commutes around... unless I get caught behind a bus. Today I saw two cops out trolling for speeders. I'm really lucky I was in observational mode today or I might be whining about a large (and deserved) ticket. I do enjoy speeding on those windy roads. I hope you had a good commute.

early stress

My weekend was productive, full and cheerful. I graded papers, met the Chief at the new Italian restaurant, and met a friend for drinks. Saturday I sipped coffee and read, ran then went to get my hair cut. But, my stylist didn't cut it. He proved to me that I don't have split ends. He educated me on how to moisturize my hair (it's a six week project friends). He spent 30 minutes with me and I didn't pay him anything. He's a good guy. It's going to be July before I can pull my hair back into a ponytail.

I then went over to my sewing instructor and worked on my gray slacks and blue shorts. They're good stuff; they're chic, comfortable and versatile. She'd finished up my vest (she did the buttons and button holes). I brought over some girl scout cookies that I thought would taste good with milk and would make a good snack during a break. However, when I brought them in she said, "Thank you. You shouldn't have." Not even I had the chutzpah to say, "Don't worry, I didn't." She saved me some calories. I came home and read and worked on some lessons for next week. It was productive down time. I've haven't gotten much time to myself this year.

The Chief came home from her style excursion with fabulous hair, cute shoes and early birthday presents for me. I really like the clothes for me, which is rare. One time she picked out these skirts for me; they had ruffles. I don't do ruffles. She did really well gaging my taste. It's mostly minimalist.. or should I say tacky minimalist. I'm not sure how I'd describe my style. But, there were two pieces that she said, "You are NOT to wear this to school. You need to reserve some clothes for you."

I did a lot of thinking... about my future... about big, abstract ideas that I don't have the time to ponder while I scurry through my week one activity at a time. Today's sermon was a reminder that transformation is a slow process.

Somehow this weekend proved confidence inspiring. Something about the warm, cheery weather that made me want to fly a kite. My hairdresser's, sewing instructor's and mom's generosity. The big thoughts (more accurately-- the big questions) breathed hope and optimism into the lens I view the world. This teaching gig, this living circumstance is a point of my life rather than the culmination of it. There's more to come.

In fact, I've started planning my 30th Birthday Party! It's going to be an outdoor, multi-generational celebration of all the people in this part of the world that I love. I'm thinking we'll have a picnic at the Whitewater Center and do the climbing wall, zipline, rafting, mountain biking, cards, frisbee. It'll be fun!

Next week is full. This weekend was full. I was really busy in high school-- 14 hours a day busy-- but somehow I find this season of my life more chaotic. I've developed a fairly routine schedule, but there's so much work to be done.

tweed skirt

This skirt is tied with my wool sheath for favorite item I've sewed thus far. It's really comfortable. I feel British and horsey when I wear it... as if I should have a corduroy jacket and a pipe or have graduated from Oxford or Edinburough. It's comfortable and classic. I wear it with my boots (pictured) or some brown dansko clogs with opaque brown tights. I wear it with olive green sweaters as well.

belted sheath

This sheath caused the vest. I had a lot of left over material, and my teacher hates to waste material. I haven't owned a non-sports vest since elementary or junior high.

This was the third sheath I've sewn. It's wool and lined. I wear it by itself and as a jumper with blouses or turtlenecks underneath. It's versatile, flattering and soft. It's also very heavy. I wear with my boots or my Roxis and black opaque tights. I'm going to enjoy it for years to come.

the vest

I brought the vest home last night. This piece was by far the smallest, most intricate, most time-consuming piece I've made to date. This said, I think it's going to be fabulous teach in all day; it's a little more professional than my North Face. Of course, I'll probably put it away until next year. This time last week it was snowing. Now it's hovering around 70 degrees Fahernheit (sp?).

It's shell is completely wool. It's also completely lined. Princess seams. It's going to be warm and comfortable.

jolt

Fridays are good. My tolerance is high because the end is within sight. My students behaved... well. My mentor and I are pooling our kids together for a poetry lesson a week. She taught Limericks and Irish Blessings. They read to each other in pairs. Then, they wrote one of each in pairs. I think they enjoyed the exercise. It's the quietest I'd seen the bunch. I was impressed. I'm going to teach Haikus and Tongue Twisters (alliteration) next week. I'm getting excited about putting the lesson together.

My kids were speculating about my social life. I told them I don't have one (that in teaching a gave up friends and family)-- that I live in a box. They asked my what kind of box. I said a small one because I'm poor. They asked what about your car. I said I have a garage box for it. They asked where the box was. I said it's none of their concern. But, this cheeky exchange came after some of them told me that my team teacher had been discussing aspects of my (very exciting) private life with them. This fact disturbed me. I need to compose my thoughts and meet with my principal to see how best to deal with it. I need to provide details and facts because they are far more sustainable than he said, she said garbage. It really bothers me that she was discussing me with the students; it's unprofessional and creepy. I fail to see how there could be a possible reason or positive motivation behind it.

Another memorable exchange was with my "classroom helper". He was talking about how much money teachers make. I looked at him increduously. He remained adamant. I explained to him in relative terms, my sister. I told him that my sister and I have the exact same education level from roughly equivalent institutions. I then said, "She makes three times what I make. I make one-third what she makes." But, it made me think about how poor he must be to think that a southern teacher's salary is good. Sheesh, I find it barely livable. That makes me spoiled, I guess.

Tonight went to an independent Italian restaurant-- I had a good time, lasagna and syrah. Then, I went out to another Med-American restaurant to meet a friend, have drinks and listen to live music. Come to find out, they USUALLY have live music on Fridays. Good to know, I'll call in advance next time. We ended up having a good time.

inspired

Rough day 723 draws to a close. It wasn't without the many quotidian graces necessary for my soul and sanity: good people, good words, encouragement, laughter. Memoria is real. My day provides enough interaction for multiple interpretations.

A couple of nights ago my brother and I were bantering over the phone. We lighted upon this gem: "Prudent is the new sexy." This snappy phrase made me giggle as I paid my car insurance via phone and automated system. I went ahead and paid next month. Yes, I'm that sexy.

I met a friend for tea tonight. A friend who knows me well enough to see my job and circumstances as temporary. She's good to remind me of this. She's a bit of gadfly in a good sort of way. She reminds me that this period is good for my resume and rebuilding my sanity, but there is a better fitting job, social life and potential mate out there... and it won't happen if I let exhaustion and inertia rule me.

Oh, a colleague asked if she could set me up on a date. As she elaborated on the guy, I inferred he's an obese Baptist preacher. Dude, how do you turn down an offer like that? Especially if you have a fabulous sense of humor and have a knack for sharing anecdotes on a blog. I'm so gonna enjoy this. My tea friend said, "Remember not to let the zingers fly." No zingers aflight at that coffee.

frustration alley

Advice is easy to come by. The majority of my students frustrate me. They won't shut up, and they turn in crappy work and expect decent grades. On the whole, my seventh graders churn out decent 5th grade work. It's hard to teach when they will not be quiet. I'm limited in my consequences. Putting their name on the board is fun for them. They're nonchalant about silent lunch and break detention. I can't keep them after school. "Redirect" doesn't live up to its name. They simply don't care, and their parents don't care as long as there's no inconvenience.

I have great lesson plans (this week: some of Eliot's cat poetry and Ancient India), and they get stymied by middle schoolers being absolute idiots. It's too easy to say that I don't have the temperment to work with seventh graders; it's more complex than that. I feel that I'm set up to fail because I want them to think and learn language and culture. Whereas, my school is focused on scores, and my students are focused on social life.

I like to think that this year is not completely for naught. But, this afternoon when I sent for a custodian to clean up a puddle of urine under a student's desk during a class change, I realized this job is so much more than teaching. And, really, how can I be prepared for a seventh graders wetting her pants two days in a row. The best I can do is play it low key.

I'm praying (and if you're the praying type who prays for me...) for a lit path. I don't see this 7th grade gig as permanent. I say, no more than a total of three years if the economy is as tanked as it seems to be. Two if I'm very lucky. One if I find out I'm the recepient of a large, insulated trust fund. But, I need to learn how to teach these hummers. How to get them to be quiet. I'm figuring out a lot. I need to learn how to insert myself completely into a moment: how to be completely present.


I have a lot to journal about due to reading Outliers, Scripture and some musings. You know ideas about determinism, loving neighbor, what are the perimeters of a good job and when does it become workaholicism. I stick to the basics. After all, the unexamined life isn't worth living.

I took this photo in a cave in a Japanese temple. Apparently the little Buddhas represent prayers (in other cases they represent fetuses) before a representation of the prayer (I'm thinking this one is love). This photo reminds me how utterly ridiculous we are. We're silly, and God loves us even when he knows us more fully than we know ourselves.

snow day 2

Time felt gooey today. It was similar to eating a cinnamon bun at Grounds for Coffee at Dunbar on a Vancouver Tuesday: warm, decadent and sinful. But a girl has got to do it from time to time.

With the second snow day, I finally reached the tasks that remain on the margins of my schedule. I did my bible study, read in my book club book, did some school work, read in Outliers, bought some organizational supplies. I played in the snow for about an hour. By "play in the snow", I mean clean off the Chief's and my cars. It was a fun work out. The snow was crunchy and required strategy and muscle.

I spent too much time on the internets (breaking my Lenten promise for the third time-- yowsers). I chatted with my brother and came up with a fun plan for next week. And, my bible study edified me. God is in control. Recession, depression, crazy colleagues, foggy future, loneliness, unfulfilled dreams, apathy. God is good. God is powerful. Suffering is nothing new.

And, I spent too much time working. But, it was the part of my job that I enjoy: planning, reading, et al.

I corresponded with the University lady who said she was getting conflicting dicatates (fewer adjunctsand different classes) for summer school. She told me at the very least that she'd schedule me for the fall. I'd like to work out the kinks in the summer. But, I am the beggar not the chooser.

Yay, new U2 album!

snow day

Six inches of wet snow landed in my hometown. It's been a couple of years since we've received this much snow. (I went for the sexy picture-- the Webber and windchimes!) We set records for March 1st for both rain (over two inches) and snow. The snow is very bright and lovely. As I went about my day, I did multiple double takes, looking outside. I'd pass a window and glance out. I'd return to the window and gaze with a smile. I confess I did not build a snow man or sled or throw a snowball. I did crunch around in it-- I took two walks. Instead, I graded papers. I read. I talked on the phone. I napped. ( I'm staving off a cold.) I organized. I sipped Earl Grey. I relaxed. Now I need to get some more work done so I can fully enjoy tomorrow's snow day. I'm fighting the make-up day dread; I have no control over it. So, I might as well enjoy the day as it is meted out. I need to learn to replace my many "whys" with "thank yous".

The following quotation arrested me (and was quite timely in Lent's call for self-reflective prayer): "That you may love [Jesus Christ] truly understand that his love is proved in three areas of your life-- in your thinking, in your talking, and in your manner of working," says Richard Rolle.

Now, I shall try to call M and C one more time each. I shall read my lessons for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

wrong side

I've had a lovely day and managed an awful mood for most of it! It's a talent of mine. Church was good. I took away the need for prayerful reflection of who I really am before God. The priest emphasized that change (ie. improvement) can come only with help from God. It was no Oprah episode.

I bought a cashmere wrap that I'd been thinking about for a long time. But, now that I've bought it, I'm thinking it's not worth the money on my salary. If it represented a smaller proportion of my salary, I'd say yes. But, as it is, I need to prioritize. I already have sweaters, sweatshirts, scarves. As lovely as the wrap is, I can't justify it. It's good to know. And, I'll return it next time I'm in SouthPark. I guess I got a hankering for an elegant shawl while at the Symphony the past couple of times. Ladies look so lovely and gently polished in a shawl. Upon reflection, it'll take more than a shawl for me to attain that level of elegance.

I attended a concert this afternoon. I stayed until the intermission and heard some of Handel's Arias and a section of Bach's Brandenburg Concerto. It was amazing! The musicians played the harpsicord, viola de gambo and all these older (almost obsolete) instruments. Pro Musica joined the Charlotte Civic Orchestra. It was enjoyable.

I cam home and took a nap and awoke to two inches of snow, and it's still snowing hours later. The County has already cancelled school.