plus side

Free time is a definite benefit to unemployment. It's an exercise to take advantage of it, to use it constructively. I have a tendency to get overwhelmed when I don't know the end point and spaz out, escaping any form of productivity. I remember a rowing workout where my coach explained that we would do anywhere from 3-12 all out 1k sprints. I said all out for three looks different than all out for twelve. Then she said, "No, it doesn't." You could argue both our points, but hers is stronger. I've got to give all my effort in each sprint regardless of how many are to come. I like to plan for the future even I don't have the least clue what it will bring. Take for instance, this time last year, I had no idea that I'd be unemployed, dog-sitting, in a long-distance relationship, training for a marathon.

One time when I was lamenting my lack-luster career and station in life my sister gently chastised me. My sister always warns me that I have no clue what the future holds; so, I need to be neither fearful nor complacent. She's right.

So, I'm trying to look for a job that I'll succeed in, grow in my faith in God, and enjoy the time instead of feeling guilty. So, I'm reading a lot and watching movies and cooking. Yesterday afternoon I watched The Greatest Movie Ever Sold. I would highly recommend it. It's the same guy who did Supersize Me. It provokes thought and awareness. Is advertising bad? Can we live without it? How influenced are we by it? Et cetera.

I've also been muscling through a bio of the Brontes and enjoying a bio of Eudora Welty aptly titled Eudora. I've read Welty's memoir and a lot of her work. I like Flannery O'Connor better but Eudora is great. Here are two quotes from the first page:
1) "As you have seen, I am a writer who came of a sheltered life. A sheltered life can be a daring life as well. For all serious daring starts from within." from her own One Writer's Beginnings
2) "'It wasn't that Eudora Welty was plain,' said a woman who had grown up in Jackson and now lives in Boston. 'She was ugly to the point of being grotesque. In the South, that was tantamount to being an old maid....'"

I'm finding it really entertaining and interesting, esp. since The Help takes place in Jackson, Mississippi too.

friend-ed

I just "friended" Miroslav Volf on Facebook. You know you're a theology geek when you care. As completely pointless as that is, it still feels kind of cool.

In other news, I started reading the first biography of Eudora Welty. It's really good. Way better than the one on the Brontes I'm muscling through.

fractal geometry musings

I watched this program on fractals last night. Benoit Mandelbrot "discovered" them in 1975 when he worked for IBM. He's a brilliant mathematician who irritated the European establishment; so he said, "Screw you guys. I'm going to America." As I understand it, he came up with an equation that explains repeating patterns in nature and some 19th century math conundrums. Thus, creating fractals. Mandelbrot came up with "fractals" from the Latin for "broken". Geometry and most of math is looking at smoothness; whereas, fractals investigates roughness. It's a way of looking at parts instead of the whole or in relation to the whole. It's a way of applying math to the visual world. Until Mandelbrot's breakthrough.

The two main components my brain latched onto were 1)self-similarity and 2) inter dimensionality because I have a natural fascination with these concepts. (Our mom should have let us play with Barbies so we would have a fighting chance at normalcy.)

Self-similarity is how the whole and the part reflect each other's pattern. For instance, think about an oak tree and a twig from that oak tree. Stand the twig up to mirror the tree. Its branching system is the same just to a different scale. This is true with clouds and blood vessels. And, the larger the system the more efficient it is. A elephant is 200,000 times the size of a mouse but only requires 10,000 times the amount of calories-- which means it's twenty times more efficient. There's a built in economy of scale.

Does self-similarity exist in history? Is there a natural lapping over of micro and macro history? Does my personal history reflect the larger history of the US or according to the Scriptures? Is Yahweh and Israel's relationship the pattern for my relationship with him? Is my identity crisis endemic of the US as a whole?

Then there is inter-dimensionality in respect to fractals. In Euclidean geometry, there are clearly defined dimensions. A line is one-dimensional. A quadrilateral is two-dimensional. A cube is three-dimensional. But, is it possible to for something to exist between two separate dimensions? Fractal geometry says YES! Something can be 2.376-dimensional. The higher the fraction the rougher the edges and closer to the higher dimension. It's a really interesting version of liminality. Liminal comes from the greek for "threshold"; its the space in between two known spaces.

This concept intrigues me because it seems to bridge a link between broken-ness and growth, which I think is true. We know it's true with building muscle and that is why rest is so integral to athletic training. This concept reminded me of my favorite Puritan quotation, "God breaks every heart differently" and the Buddhist concept of a storm breaking before beauty is born. Craziness and broken-ness can be interpreted as progress in some circumstances.

I like how Mandelbrot bent math to fit reality. He didn't adapt nature to a principle but played with the principle until it fit the reality of nature. This is the same reason I'm so much more comfortable with biblical theology than systematic theology. Biblical theology is 3.8976 dimensional to systematic's 3.2374 dimensional. It's rougher but more realistic.

marathon training

When I learned I didn't get the job a couple of weeks ago, I was shocked. That night after crying, I decided, "F it. I'm training for a marathon." I figured: a) I have the time, b) it'll give me something to talk about and do besides being unemployed, c) the endorphins will be much needed, d) it'll help me sleep and e) it'll make my figure even more svelte ;).

So far, I've been doing well except for the long runs. I'm getting massively intimidated by them. 10 miles in this heat and humidity is daunting. But, I was talking about it with a girl at my church who's a legit runner. And, by legit runner, I mean she's qualified for the Boston more than once. She told me to press on during the heat and not be afraid to run slowly, and when it comes fall I'll be in much better shape than I would think. She also offered to run with me. That's motivation.

Plus, I found this cool website where I can map my runs and keep a running diary. That's fun! It's called www.walkjogrun.net. You can map out your own runs and look at other people's courses. It even gives you an elevation map. This will be fun.

This is week three of an 18 week schedule. The marathon I'm gunning for takes place December 10th. Wouldn't it be cool to run the Boston at least once?!? Then, I'll where to go from there: ultra, iron man, Boston, etc.

Reversed Thunder: The Revelation of John and the Praying Imagination

I had a hard time reading this book, but I muscled through. I definitely underlined some passages and reveled in some of the chapters' epigraphs, but overall found it difficult. I think this has more to do with my internal landscape than the book, or maybe it was a combination. Peterson always reminds me that the Christian walk is an adventure beyond us (we need the Spirit) rather than a tedious moral TDL. This reminder I need. He reminds me that for all material acts there is a spiritual dimension and vice versa. The church is both a geographic and theological reality. Worship is far more profound than feel-good emotion; it's entering into eternity. Salvation is a meal and a war. Prayer definitely fits in both categories. He lambasts gnosticism and materialism.

Some quotations:
"To live in the past or future is easy. To live in the present is like threading a needle." Walker Percy

Church:
"The life of faith is developed under the image of the Trinity in the context of community." (44)

Worship:
Christians worship with a conviction that they are in the presence of God. Worship is an act of attention to the living God who rules, speaks and reveals, creates and redeems, orders and blesses. Outsiders, observing these acts of worship, see nothing like that.... Revelation 4 and 5 answers the question and gives the last word on worship in five parts: worship centers, gathers, reveals, sings and affirms." (59)

"During the act of worship something has been happening to the worshipers: minds are cleared; perceptions come into focus; spirits are renewed." (66)

Evil:
"But nothing evil has the staying power of good." (77)

Politics:
"Politics reaches into dimensions of behavior and belief.... Dissenters in a society are as dangerous as criminals to the political establishment." (123)

Review: The Elegance of the Hedgehog and Sarah's Key

Key
Elegance

Spoiler Alert: I may ruin the plot twists if you read this; however, I may entice you to enjoy the stories if you read this.

I was sitting back in my chair with my copy of The Elegance of the Hedgehog<, reflecting on the story, when Sarah's Key slammed into my thoughts. There are so many connections and crossovers.

Both follow the lives of a girl and a woman separately until the story lines cross. However, Sarah's Key the the girl is in WWII and the woman in contemporary, and the Hedgehog's two protagonists are contemporary. The stories both center around apartment buildings in Paris. Both stories delve into the power of personal destiny and the power of the individual. All the characters change due to interaction with one another. The stories have to do with the role that self-knowledge and self-perception play in our lives and ability to interact with each other.

The girls in both stories struggle with their power to impact others. Sarah is a fighter; she both saves and harms someone. But, her plan could have worked if her parents would have helped. Paloma at first finds it pointless to fight and then changes her mind. Paloma discovers the key to life is to engage rather than to observe. Sarah cannot escape her engagement. It seems as if the authors use the young characters as a canvas to paint out how determined and shaped a person is by when, where and to whom she is born. I guess the same is true too of the older ones. It reminds me of J. Alfred Prufrock's question "Do I dare disturb the universe?"

The older protagonists are changed as well. Julia is a restless fighter too; she has to discover the truth regardless of the cost. The status quo holds no power over her, yet in the end the status quo wrecks her life. But, she is willing to bear the brunt. Whereas, Renee is bewitched with her understanding of the status quo and what it requires of her.

Both stories preach the power of kindness and selflessness (Ozu and the farming couple) and the necessity of being willing to receive other's generosity (of spirit and stuff). Both are very tight, complete stories, which, luckily, is something that my mom taught me to appreciate. They are not wholesome stories in the Focus on the Family or Disney sense with a safe story line with clear black and white boundaries. They're good stories in that they all strings of idea are tied together and accounted for. They're beautiful in their willingness to explore and redeem seeming ugliness. Is it possible for something good to be born out of something bad? These brilliant stories answer yes.

I remember going to see The Departed with my mom. We met a couple from the church I grew up who was leaving the theater in disgust-- they couldn't get over the violence and language. My mom and I listened to their distressed comments, and then went to the movie. My mom wryly observed afterwards, "I believe we saw very different movies." I'm glad I grew up in a Christian family that wasn't appalled by four-letter words or anger or violence. I wasn't raised to be fearful or ignorant, but to believe in a good and powerful God who enjoys beauty and story and is bigger than any evil.

I think integral to any well-constructed story is hope. There's always the capacity/chance for the character to grow and be changed-- in essence to experience grace. However, the character doesn't have to capitalize on the opportunity. In these stories, all the protagonists are open to grace even though they don't escape evil. There is the beauty.








A wiki overview of the book.

Reading Scripture

Reading Scripture is always a good thing. It is especially good when I get to the read the Old and New Testament readings during the worship service! Can I tell you how much I love doing this? It's like asking a fish to swim laps. A pigeon to deliver a note. A ferret to ferret. A rainbow to curve.

The answer: It's beautiful, mysterious, natural, and perfect. Oddly enough, it's a chance to get to use my seminary education. Any reading is an act of interpretation. I study some commentaries to make sure I get the emphasis correctly. I practice because it improves my reading and intonation. I really think God can use his Scripture to speak into a person's life sans sermon. I don't want to hinder the power of the Word and the Spirit.

Plus, let's face it: I'm a nerd. It's a really good devotion, and I'm prepared to hear the sermon. It's really nice to read out loud. I forget this because I'm always in a hurry.

This reading business has been a really pleasant gift of high church. I've always bemoaned the fact I have no gifts that can be used in worship. One time I joked with a friend, "Maybe I can run laps for the offertory." But, this is a really odd junction of my unique self fitting into the body of Christ. It's quite nice really. Can you tell I'm reading Romans 12:1-8 and Psalm 138 tomorrow? But not in that order.

I've gotten a lot of compliments and thank yous for my reading and voice. Who knew? My favorite compliment went like this, "You understand the concept of the comma." So, it's ever so nice and ever so rare for the x (my enjoyment) and y (usefulness) axis to converge on me like this.