acceptance and enjoyment

I feel often I misconstrue openess and acceptance for resignation and failure. It's hard to enjoy something that you feel resigned to doing. And, and I've been fighting resignation is where I've been in my life recently. I feel if I relax into my job and life that it will somehow leech my spirit and future. But, I that's hogwash. As several of my friends point out on an annoyingly frequent nature, I'm in a season.

Today, as I walked down the eigth grade hall, I thought about how different it would look if I knew this was my last year being here. I'd find all the idiosyncracies quaint instead of annoying.

And, today I was really enjoying teaching poetry. It's fun. About half of each of my classes was getting into it too. I tried to bribe and/or ignore the other half. And, several of my students just came up and hugged me. L told me that my outfit was much better today, and that I shouldn't wear heels if I didn't like them. And, a student from last year came and hung out with me after school-- she told me how much I helped her. And, about eight kids stayed around to chat.

Now, I'm off to watch the soccer and baseball games. I have students playing in both. I just got finished helping the art teacher contour draw some of the sections of the mural. Today was a lovely day except for evil secretary yelling at me for something she screwed up. But, the good far outweighed the bad.

This is enjoyment and acceptance not resignation... I think. When I came back from helping with the mural, I had an email from a school I've sent an application. So, this may be my last year.

lessons

The weather is cooperating with my spring break. It's absolutely gorgeous, and I'm sunburned. I'm in Richmond, VA, staying with my sister. I've been doing a lot of running and walking in the historic parts. This morning I wandered around Hollywood Cemetary where three presidents and Jefferson Davis are burried. It's enjoyable to be outside just sitting or standing.

I got a Blackberry on Saturday because my brother broke his phone. There was a buy one get one free deal. Yep. I walked into that one. I can see why they're referred to as crackberries. It's hypnotic all the updates you get. And, I like word mole... a lot. My highest score thus far is 57 with "squirrel". And, I'm trying to find a free, easy to use budget application to use on my phone.

I am supposed to hear from the National Writing Project by the end of this week. I'm nervous and excited. I'm reminding myself that it'll be expensive and a pain in the butt-- so it's not all bad if I don't get accepted. But, it will be awesome.

I learned again how poor I am during a conversation with the CPA who does my taxes. Yowsers, I was going to buy a new laptop, a sewing machine, put an extra thousand towards my student loan and the rest in savings. I'm hilarious with a great imagination. I'll get a lesser version of the laptop I want if I getting into the summer institute and I'm looking for a used sewing machine.

So, I learned the difference between a "deduction" and a "credit" are from said CPA-- that's part of the problem. I thought the interest on student loans functioned as a credit-- nope, it's a deduction.

I really need another job. My position is changing a lot with the smaller budget. It'll take a lot of time but without any worthy gains. I don't want to do it.

I'm trying to introspect, but it's hard to unwind enough to get to the good stuff.

Waiting is a difficult task. It requires a lot of faith and hope in God's goodness and power... and observational skills. I'm concerned He's taking me in a different direction than I'm interested in going. This poverty thinking stinks. But, maintaining an eternal perspective in near impossible-- that's where the Bible and prayer come into play, I presume.

My sister has a lot of fantastic cook books. She's been calling me "the monk" as I copy her recipes ino my recipe book.

prep for spring break

It's surreal that we've made it to Spring Break. I just printed up my grades to sign and hand in to the secretary.

Now I'm off to a 30 minute abs class. I'm not sure my abs are up for 30 minutes of anything, esp. working. We'll see. It's my friends birthday and this is what she wanted to do.

And, I signed up for two 10ks. One is next Saturday-- it's a road race. One is May 22-- it's a trail run at the National Whitewater center. I think I'm ready for 10ks but not quite there for halfs.

Found some awesome vegan recipes. Citrus Basil Lentils.

Heading up to Richmond tomorrow.