My life is one long, lovely tangent. It seems I always end up perpendicular to my goal. For instance, today. I got onto Itunes to purchase Josh Ritter's "Kathleen". Ten minutes later, I bought Dar Williams' "The Beauty of the Rain" (and no Josh Ritter).
Or, earlier this evening, I left the cloth store to go to Office Depot to buy some plastic sleeves for my students' notebooks. I landed across the street from Office Depot at Target where I bought contact lens cleaner, hygiene products, including a toothbrush, several greeting cards, a plastic box, and heart shaped York peppermint patties. I didn't exactly execute Plan A.
I find I do this whenever I work or write. I set out on what seems to be an obvious, straightforward path and end up somewhere else. This afternoon I wanted to work on lesson plans. Instead, I did four loads of laundry, cleaned and organized my bedroom and bathroom. My essential goal of being productive was met, but I didn't hit my target at all.
I have a knack for getting lost. It's rarely a "in the dark of an eerie forest with an evil villain chasing you" kind of lost. It's a more of a "rambling in an Greek village where none of the citizens speak English and realize you have no idea how to get back to your hotel" kind of lost.
I wonder if my goal-setting mechanism is faulty or if I'm allergic to every To Do List I write. I love writing TDLs. In fact, my lengthy lists always become jokes with my roommates because I never look at them again. I'm a Random Abstract in a world of Concrete Sequential. It's odd because I'm so terribly pragmatic. In short, I'm a dessert recipe that calls for a tablespoon of tarragon. I just need to chillax as my twelve year-olds tell me.
Whenever I needle myself about this idiosyncracy, I inevitable return to the JRR Tolkien poem:
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.
In a world of shiny people who write and execute 10 year plans, I feel like a wandering, lackluster dolt. But, perhaps, this is not so. Perhaps, my proclivity for getting lost is a gift. Maybe my tangent is leading to the exact point I need to be in the straightest way. The tangential nature of me and my life leaves me feeling like a stranger in a strange land. And, after all, I am. We're on a journey where not all gold glitters nor those who wander are necessarily lost. This is not what Madison Ave. would have us believe. So, I gain my bearings by burrowing into every glorious story I can get my grubby hands on.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
false alarm
Ha! My computer is back to normal this morning. I drained the battery, wept, turned it off, gnashed teeth, then recharged it. Voila!
My laptop could smell the 7th grader on me, and it decided to give me some attitude. What a relief! I hope it's back to normal.
My laptop could smell the 7th grader on me, and it decided to give me some attitude. What a relief! I hope it's back to normal.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
notice
My computer is on the fritz. It's going wonky. It's four years old. So, things may get patchy for a while. I'm hoping it's just being ornery, but my luck is rarely that good.
News: I had fun serving dinner at the homeless shelter last night. I dished out cake with a sixth grader. It was interesting, fun and humbling. I'm considering making it a weekly gig-- they need volunteers Wednesdays and Fridays. And, I went to a colleague's father's visitation. This activities provided some much needed perspective.
News: I had fun serving dinner at the homeless shelter last night. I dished out cake with a sixth grader. It was interesting, fun and humbling. I'm considering making it a weekly gig-- they need volunteers Wednesdays and Fridays. And, I went to a colleague's father's visitation. This activities provided some much needed perspective.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
25 Things: an exercise in self-absorption
1. I dig poetry and classical music.
2. Where the Wild Things Are profoundly impacted my intellectual, spiritual and emotional life.
3. I took 5.5 years of ballet to no avail.
4. I lettered in running, swimming and rowing. They’re what I like to call cat sports.
5. I took piano lessons in 2-3rd grades and played the Horn in 7-10th grades.
6. Bach is my favorite composer. His music settles me.
7. My favorite toy as a kid was a nameless white mouse who squeaked when you squeezed it. (yes, it was a cat toy).
8. I also owned an aquamarine elephant stuffed animal that played "It's a Small World After All" when wound up. This is the root of my political leanings.
9. I had a crush on Holden Caulfield in 10th grade, and I crushed on Robert Sean Leonard and Thomas Jefferson in 11th grade. No guy has yet to live up to this trio.
10. I like to think I haven’t read my favorite book yet.
11. Vancouver is my favorite city. I’d even switch to British English and spell it “favourite” if it’d help me get the papers to move.
12. I love to run, read and write. Furthermore, I’ve discovered there’s no correlation between what you love to do and what you’re good at.
13. I excel at awkwardness.
14. I need novelty but thrive on routine. I’m going to rock my 70s and 80s.
15. When I consider God’s goodness, I see the most evidence in my friends and family. Quality.
16. If I were independently wealthy, I would be a perpetual student and travel in the summers.
17. I’m a whiner, but I like to think my wit makes up for it.
18. I ate seven homemade brownies today.
19. ACDC’s “Shook Me” makes every running mix I burn.
20. I’d rather run five miles than do 5 crunches and pushups.
21. I look like my maternal grandfather.
22. I rarely remember my sleeping dreams.
23. I’m fond of hyperbole and my own sense of humor.
24. At this point, I’m ambivalent about teaching, or maybe I’m ambivalent about teaching 7th graders.
25. I eat just about everything, esp. homemade brownies. I draw the line at organs.
2. Where the Wild Things Are profoundly impacted my intellectual, spiritual and emotional life.
3. I took 5.5 years of ballet to no avail.
4. I lettered in running, swimming and rowing. They’re what I like to call cat sports.
5. I took piano lessons in 2-3rd grades and played the Horn in 7-10th grades.
6. Bach is my favorite composer. His music settles me.
7. My favorite toy as a kid was a nameless white mouse who squeaked when you squeezed it. (yes, it was a cat toy).
8. I also owned an aquamarine elephant stuffed animal that played "It's a Small World After All" when wound up. This is the root of my political leanings.
9. I had a crush on Holden Caulfield in 10th grade, and I crushed on Robert Sean Leonard and Thomas Jefferson in 11th grade. No guy has yet to live up to this trio.
10. I like to think I haven’t read my favorite book yet.
11. Vancouver is my favorite city. I’d even switch to British English and spell it “favourite” if it’d help me get the papers to move.
12. I love to run, read and write. Furthermore, I’ve discovered there’s no correlation between what you love to do and what you’re good at.
13. I excel at awkwardness.
14. I need novelty but thrive on routine. I’m going to rock my 70s and 80s.
15. When I consider God’s goodness, I see the most evidence in my friends and family. Quality.
16. If I were independently wealthy, I would be a perpetual student and travel in the summers.
17. I’m a whiner, but I like to think my wit makes up for it.
18. I ate seven homemade brownies today.
19. ACDC’s “Shook Me” makes every running mix I burn.
20. I’d rather run five miles than do 5 crunches and pushups.
21. I look like my maternal grandfather.
22. I rarely remember my sleeping dreams.
23. I’m fond of hyperbole and my own sense of humor.
24. At this point, I’m ambivalent about teaching, or maybe I’m ambivalent about teaching 7th graders.
25. I eat just about everything, esp. homemade brownies. I draw the line at organs.
crash. burn. rise from the ashes.
This little punk is getting to me. I should have gone to bed at seven to insure I got enough sleep to deal with him with my sense of humor in tact. I think, I'm going to sit him in the back of the room and just let him draw away. When he fails, he fails. That is that. I've emailed and called his mom multiple times, and I'm tired of his attitude and how he sours the entire atmosphere of my room. So, I'm going to let him draw and read instead of dealing with his smarmy attitude. If he engages, he engages. (I'm up at 11:30-- not a good thing for my little miscreants!!)
I'm about sick of the semester's grades. They took me over five hours to enter into the system; I've done it three times at least. I missed checking some boxes. Some of my changes didn't take. I'm so sick of the computer program that I don't care that two of the grades are wrong. I'm a bad, bad teacher.
But, I redeemed myself in finding some groovy writing lessons. I've been at a loss at how to transmit information about style and format. But, I found some cool video clips on United Streaming. Oh, I use technology. And, my Social Studies plans are little unmined gems.
I got paid today. The check keeps me in the game.
I'm about sick of the semester's grades. They took me over five hours to enter into the system; I've done it three times at least. I missed checking some boxes. Some of my changes didn't take. I'm so sick of the computer program that I don't care that two of the grades are wrong. I'm a bad, bad teacher.
But, I redeemed myself in finding some groovy writing lessons. I've been at a loss at how to transmit information about style and format. But, I found some cool video clips on United Streaming. Oh, I use technology. And, my Social Studies plans are little unmined gems.
I got paid today. The check keeps me in the game.
Monday, January 26, 2009
breather
I need a break from the book I'm reading... the protagonists just died. I need to compose myself to muscle through the gut-wrenching ending. Literature can be so gothic and gloomy. It's also beautiful and bizarrely cathartic to experience Fos and Opal die. But, what's going to happen to Lightfoot? I can't decide if Fos committed suicide. Was he really that weak? Did his scientific world view fail him?
And, I need a breather from school. I was completely exasperated by the end of my classes today. The students wouldn't shut up. It's as if they're goldfish. They had two long weekends in a row, which somehow sabotaged all the progress in classroom management I'd made. This stuff does not come naturally to me. I need to come up with a rewards system for the kids... a feasible one. Maybe I should reinstate the apple. And putting in your name for good behavior. And having drawings at the end of the week. We could start fresh every week.
My deed of noble note was giving a pint of blood, which took a total of 4 minutes and 53 seconds. My nurse was as competitive as I. I asked her how long it took to draw a pint. She told me anywhere from 5 to twenty minutes. Then, she looked over at the guy near me and leaned in towards me and said, "He's a wimp. He should at least pretend while his daughter's around." She set our goal: beat the wimp. I've never really had a competitive element to donating blood. But, it did make it more exciting to race (and took my mind off the gory details). After we beat "the wimp", my nurse high-fived me and said, "Girl power!"
And, I need a breather from school. I was completely exasperated by the end of my classes today. The students wouldn't shut up. It's as if they're goldfish. They had two long weekends in a row, which somehow sabotaged all the progress in classroom management I'd made. This stuff does not come naturally to me. I need to come up with a rewards system for the kids... a feasible one. Maybe I should reinstate the apple. And putting in your name for good behavior. And having drawings at the end of the week. We could start fresh every week.
My deed of noble note was giving a pint of blood, which took a total of 4 minutes and 53 seconds. My nurse was as competitive as I. I asked her how long it took to draw a pint. She told me anywhere from 5 to twenty minutes. Then, she looked over at the guy near me and leaned in towards me and said, "He's a wimp. He should at least pretend while his daughter's around." She set our goal: beat the wimp. I've never really had a competitive element to donating blood. But, it did make it more exciting to race (and took my mind off the gory details). After we beat "the wimp", my nurse high-fived me and said, "Girl power!"
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Starkville
We all live in Starkville. It's the setting of all good stories-- perhaps my novel. Stark contrasts. Stark reality. Grim and absolute are the thesaurus categories that "stark" falls under. All good stories-- anything true-- has to deal with the stark contrast of humans (the generosity and greed, the good and evil, the sacrifice and violence, etc.). In Art, the term for the contrast between dark and light is "chiaroscuro" (Italian for light-dark). Art, Music, Theology, Story and Politics have to deal with this chiaroscuro in the human condition.
Sometimes I let this stark contrast fade into gray; I grow numb to the brightness of the light and chill of the dark. But, Art always manages to wake the part of the soul that grows weary at the profundity of light and dark. The two latest pieces of art to jar me happened this weekend: Annie Dillard's "Holy the Firm" and "Slumdog Millionare".
"Holy the Firm" has earned a place next to Wendell Berry on my bookshelf. Wow. I'm going to come back to this brief piece again and again. She explores questions that beg to be asked about a God that purports to be good. She writes with force, dexterity and humor about Julie Norwich and a dying moth that frame the abstract more purely than any abstraction. She avoids all things trite. She delves into the stark contrast between natural beauty and human suffering.
At one level, how can our language contain the word "mundane"? I should ache all the time from the beautiful, the miraculous, the adventurous, the funny. And, I should ache constantly from the evil, the callous, the cruel. Instead, I complain about the routine and rut of my life-- as if I've somehow "mastered" this period of my life. I complain about God's cruel sense of humor in lieu of revelling in his grace and mercy. Dillard's thoughts and writing jolted me into the richness, the complexity of my daily routine. Ah, that's why I read poetry... coffee for the soul.
I had an acquaintance talk about the "extravagance of dreaming". Honestly, it pissed me off. I wanted to grab her shoulders and shake her until some sense settled in her head. To call dreams and hope extravagant is analagous to categorizing air in the wants (versus needs) column. Dreams are the fumes that fuel our souls. If there were a mere one-to-one correlation between the reality of our lives and our perception of our lives would lead to the extinction of the human race. We have enough evidence of things unseen, things intangible that we can exist with hope. God help us if we were refused a dream.
As a Christian, I believe in Jesus and the Kingdom coming. I believe in transformation on both the micro and macro levels. "Slumdog Millionare" dealt with chiaroscuro and hope. The protagonist's identity rest in loving the "third muskateer". His character had a softness and truthfulness that provided light to the darkness of his brother's pragmatism and survival instinct. Ah, it was complex and disturbing, but ultimately redeeming. It was good. The violence and the cruelty were not gratuitous but central to the plot and characterization. The story was so complete that it engendered the rough reality with hope. The tightness of the story reminded me of the "all is grist". The form served the content. God is a good, thoughtful author; all the details, all the subplots aren't wasted or lost. I'm becoming a worthy protagonist and the climax is yet to come.
I recommend these two pieces of art as guides and reminders of the chiaroscuro in Starkville.
Sometimes I let this stark contrast fade into gray; I grow numb to the brightness of the light and chill of the dark. But, Art always manages to wake the part of the soul that grows weary at the profundity of light and dark. The two latest pieces of art to jar me happened this weekend: Annie Dillard's "Holy the Firm" and "Slumdog Millionare".
"Holy the Firm" has earned a place next to Wendell Berry on my bookshelf. Wow. I'm going to come back to this brief piece again and again. She explores questions that beg to be asked about a God that purports to be good. She writes with force, dexterity and humor about Julie Norwich and a dying moth that frame the abstract more purely than any abstraction. She avoids all things trite. She delves into the stark contrast between natural beauty and human suffering.
At one level, how can our language contain the word "mundane"? I should ache all the time from the beautiful, the miraculous, the adventurous, the funny. And, I should ache constantly from the evil, the callous, the cruel. Instead, I complain about the routine and rut of my life-- as if I've somehow "mastered" this period of my life. I complain about God's cruel sense of humor in lieu of revelling in his grace and mercy. Dillard's thoughts and writing jolted me into the richness, the complexity of my daily routine. Ah, that's why I read poetry... coffee for the soul.
I had an acquaintance talk about the "extravagance of dreaming". Honestly, it pissed me off. I wanted to grab her shoulders and shake her until some sense settled in her head. To call dreams and hope extravagant is analagous to categorizing air in the wants (versus needs) column. Dreams are the fumes that fuel our souls. If there were a mere one-to-one correlation between the reality of our lives and our perception of our lives would lead to the extinction of the human race. We have enough evidence of things unseen, things intangible that we can exist with hope. God help us if we were refused a dream.
As a Christian, I believe in Jesus and the Kingdom coming. I believe in transformation on both the micro and macro levels. "Slumdog Millionare" dealt with chiaroscuro and hope. The protagonist's identity rest in loving the "third muskateer". His character had a softness and truthfulness that provided light to the darkness of his brother's pragmatism and survival instinct. Ah, it was complex and disturbing, but ultimately redeeming. It was good. The violence and the cruelty were not gratuitous but central to the plot and characterization. The story was so complete that it engendered the rough reality with hope. The tightness of the story reminded me of the "all is grist". The form served the content. God is a good, thoughtful author; all the details, all the subplots aren't wasted or lost. I'm becoming a worthy protagonist and the climax is yet to come.
I recommend these two pieces of art as guides and reminders of the chiaroscuro in Starkville.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
the day i lost one five dollar bill
I went to Copper last night because I had reservations at 7:45. Come to find out, my reservations were for tonight. Oops, details. 23 and 24 are only one digit off. My affinity for 23 must be linked to Michael Jordan's UNC jersey. This "mistake" demonstrates that I bleed Carolina blue. I am Tar Heel born and bred, and I like my Indian cuisine on Friday nights... not Saturday. I really enjoyed the food and ambiance. The spices were funky and aromatic. It tasted like the recipes called for half a teaspoon of perfume (in a good way). I had fun loading my fork with the different flavors. The pungent with the warm and sweet. Of course, hanging out with M is always fun times. But, last night eating dinner was playful and adventurous (adjectives I reserve for outdoor activities for the most part).
I love my hairstylist. He rocks! I was in one craptastic mood as I drove to his shop and came out smiling. It's bizarre the relational connection you make with your stylist; it's similar to the imprinting and bonding that takes place between a cub and mama bear. There's a necessary level of trust: please don't make me look like a complete dufus. We talked military and Obama. We talked racism in America. We talked about the proportion of the population with curly and straight hair-- it's a continuum with few people on the edges. We talked TMI; he related his conversation with his doctor about Viagra (I got both their takes on 4 hour erections). This led into his monologue on marriage, which hinged on St. Paul's exhortation to refrain unless you're too weak (and he's not even Christian, but "Paul is on to something). We talked how different siblings can be. Et cetera, I guess this is bottom of the barrel when it comes to subject matter. But, heck, I use lesson plans as material. Reader, congratulations, you have a fabulously rich inner life to be able to stomach... I mean, appreciate, this.
It's official: I'm a paperbackswap.com fan! I've mailed 6 books (Voss, Velvet Elvis, Electric Acid Kool Aid Test, Special Topics in Calamity Physics, Go Put Your Strengths to Work, and Getting From College to Career), and received 2 (Holy The Firm and Living By Fiction both by Annie Dillard). I picked up Holy The Firm and got sucked into the first topic. I had to pry myself away from the book so that I could plan lessons (don't worry if they're really good, which they probably will be, I'll share the lessons' highlights). It's full of the kind of sentences that you wish were a bubble bath so that you could soak in them or a savory soup that was stewing on your cooktop for eight hours (you get to chop the vegetable, then smell it long before you get to eat it-- the whole process enjoyable). Warm, luxurious, nourishing, refreshing. I'm a big fan, and you should join because I want to swap books with YOU!
Deuteronomy. Church. Prayer. Friendship. Angst. Questions... always questions. Doxology. Logic. Worry. Pain. Grace. My spiritual life feels like a sea of verbs and these nouns are the islands on which I land. But, the two important things I learned in Seminary are that God is good and God is powerful. Biblical theology is messy, which is why it resonates with us, I guess.
I sewed straight seams in my vest today. I only had one major mistake that took about 25 minutes to correct. Go, me. I overlapped material. But, I'm excited about my vest. I was nonplussed at first about a vest. The only one I own is NorthFace. I don't consider myself a vest person. But, this vest is a vest I could grow to love. It's going to be nice. G makes me do all these details that go far beyond what the Guide Sheet instructs you to do. It takes longer, but my last couple of pieces are quality. The vest is going to look sharp and professional and be comfortable.
Somewhat linked, I've been gravitating to fashion blogs, specifically the kind where women dress on a budget. They're fun to read (funny and fiesty) and have excellent ideas. I need to get a digital camera for my blog. My blog is the only pictureless blog, which is blah. I think pictures would improve my readership (everybody wouldn't have to have as rich an inner life).
I love my hairstylist. He rocks! I was in one craptastic mood as I drove to his shop and came out smiling. It's bizarre the relational connection you make with your stylist; it's similar to the imprinting and bonding that takes place between a cub and mama bear. There's a necessary level of trust: please don't make me look like a complete dufus. We talked military and Obama. We talked racism in America. We talked about the proportion of the population with curly and straight hair-- it's a continuum with few people on the edges. We talked TMI; he related his conversation with his doctor about Viagra (I got both their takes on 4 hour erections). This led into his monologue on marriage, which hinged on St. Paul's exhortation to refrain unless you're too weak (and he's not even Christian, but "Paul is on to something). We talked how different siblings can be. Et cetera, I guess this is bottom of the barrel when it comes to subject matter. But, heck, I use lesson plans as material. Reader, congratulations, you have a fabulously rich inner life to be able to stomach... I mean, appreciate, this.
It's official: I'm a paperbackswap.com fan! I've mailed 6 books (Voss, Velvet Elvis, Electric Acid Kool Aid Test, Special Topics in Calamity Physics, Go Put Your Strengths to Work, and Getting From College to Career), and received 2 (Holy The Firm and Living By Fiction both by Annie Dillard). I picked up Holy The Firm and got sucked into the first topic. I had to pry myself away from the book so that I could plan lessons (don't worry if they're really good, which they probably will be, I'll share the lessons' highlights). It's full of the kind of sentences that you wish were a bubble bath so that you could soak in them or a savory soup that was stewing on your cooktop for eight hours (you get to chop the vegetable, then smell it long before you get to eat it-- the whole process enjoyable). Warm, luxurious, nourishing, refreshing. I'm a big fan, and you should join because I want to swap books with YOU!
Deuteronomy. Church. Prayer. Friendship. Angst. Questions... always questions. Doxology. Logic. Worry. Pain. Grace. My spiritual life feels like a sea of verbs and these nouns are the islands on which I land. But, the two important things I learned in Seminary are that God is good and God is powerful. Biblical theology is messy, which is why it resonates with us, I guess.
I sewed straight seams in my vest today. I only had one major mistake that took about 25 minutes to correct. Go, me. I overlapped material. But, I'm excited about my vest. I was nonplussed at first about a vest. The only one I own is NorthFace. I don't consider myself a vest person. But, this vest is a vest I could grow to love. It's going to be nice. G makes me do all these details that go far beyond what the Guide Sheet instructs you to do. It takes longer, but my last couple of pieces are quality. The vest is going to look sharp and professional and be comfortable.
Somewhat linked, I've been gravitating to fashion blogs, specifically the kind where women dress on a budget. They're fun to read (funny and fiesty) and have excellent ideas. I need to get a digital camera for my blog. My blog is the only pictureless blog, which is blah. I think pictures would improve my readership (everybody wouldn't have to have as rich an inner life).
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Dragons & Deuteronomy
I should have titled my lesson today "Dragon Remix". It was so cross-content that it would made a curriculum specialist weep tears of jubilee. I started out with a journal entry in Language Arts conjuring up what the kids knew about dragons. What did they look like? What did they do? What kind of stories are they in? What do they represent? Then, we read an article, "There Be Dragons", studying it as an example of compare and contrast piece (representing the block type in lieu of the point-by-point type). The article compared and contrasted dragons in Eastern and Western lore. So, we discussed the organization from a reader's and writer's standpoint. And, we discussed the content as a transistion to reading a Chinese fairytale about Li Chi slaying the dragon, which refuted the article's point. This made for interesting discussion. Then, in Social Studies, we watched a United Streaming segment on Dragons. It was twenty-five minutes but worth the time. It discussed the origin of the idea of dragons (dinosaur bones, alligators were possibilities-- how mythmaking was a way to explain nature). It talked about the different roles dragons played in Eastern and Western culture. It delved into the dragon's role in feng shui and "riding the dragon". It also went into the Christian use of serpents and dragons. Finally, it talked about the use of "dragon" as symbol in modern culture. I thought it was awesome. Some of my students started out, "Dragons are fake." And, they ended up, "Ms. M, do dragons exist?" No, dudes, they don't. I guess my little sidestep into intellectual and social history was too much of a reach. C'est la vie.
Then, I donned my "student cap" to learn about Deuteronomy. A friend is teaching a study on this doozie of a book, and he's doing a splendid job. He really breathes to life into some dry passages. It was interesting to read the requirements of a king in Deuteronomy the day after the inauguration. It was sobering to realize how centrally the reading of Scripture was held. It's fascinating to treat Deuteronomy as sermon, which it was. Oscar Wilde penned, "God is in the details." So did Moses in Deuteronomy... there's nothing too minute. Super...and Ouch.
Then, I donned my "student cap" to learn about Deuteronomy. A friend is teaching a study on this doozie of a book, and he's doing a splendid job. He really breathes to life into some dry passages. It was interesting to read the requirements of a king in Deuteronomy the day after the inauguration. It was sobering to realize how centrally the reading of Scripture was held. It's fascinating to treat Deuteronomy as sermon, which it was. Oscar Wilde penned, "God is in the details." So did Moses in Deuteronomy... there's nothing too minute. Super...and Ouch.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
republicans rawk!
I remembered why I'm a Republican tonight... because Republicans rock! There was none of that suffocating smugness and self-righteousness. There was no abstraction and ambiguity. Republicans guffaw rather than titter. Republicans are robust and hearty; there's nothing mealy and glib about them. Republicans can look you straight in the eye; they aren't twitchy. I thoroughly enjoyed myself tonight at the hoity-toity shindig: "Obama and Corporate America" inaugural hoopla. Sometimes, I'm embarrassed by my Republican leanings; I could not vote for somebody who could even pretend to be for FOCA. How somebody can be pro human rights and for terminating a pregnancy beyond seven months boggles my feeble imagination. I wish Obama the best; it's in the entire world's best interest that America succeeds. If our economy fails, the global economy fails. I don't think Americans are superior, but I do think we're necessary. We still have IP that can't be touched-- we just need to be able to enforce Intellectual Property rights globally. China, Korea et al are ripping off our ideas... and have the manufactoring capability to beat us at our own game. We come up with the idea, and they improve it.
I spent the day in an emotional trough. Dammit, I wanted a snow day. And, my period accosted me-- a regular reminder of my spare womb. I think, we babeless babes should at least get fewer cramps or something for being denied our maternal leanings, eh? And, I planned, but they didn't turn out. I should have taken a different route that occurred to me during class. But, I like my class tomorrow. It'll be all about dragons-- Language Arts and Social Studies. Seriously, it's a cool multi-faceted concept. I drank Merlot and chatted politics with Republicans in lieu of visiting my spiritual director and Vespers. Benefits: I kept my word to my aunt and I got to wear the dress I just made with my new fuschia cashemere wrap. But, I need to see my monk soon; my soul is withering in my churchless state.
Perhaps I had too high of expectations for the coronation, but Obama let me down a bit. I'm not going to lie. And, how many points did the stock market drop: 334 points? Hope spreads only so far.
I spent the day in an emotional trough. Dammit, I wanted a snow day. And, my period accosted me-- a regular reminder of my spare womb. I think, we babeless babes should at least get fewer cramps or something for being denied our maternal leanings, eh? And, I planned, but they didn't turn out. I should have taken a different route that occurred to me during class. But, I like my class tomorrow. It'll be all about dragons-- Language Arts and Social Studies. Seriously, it's a cool multi-faceted concept. I drank Merlot and chatted politics with Republicans in lieu of visiting my spiritual director and Vespers. Benefits: I kept my word to my aunt and I got to wear the dress I just made with my new fuschia cashemere wrap. But, I need to see my monk soon; my soul is withering in my churchless state.
Perhaps I had too high of expectations for the coronation, but Obama let me down a bit. I'm not going to lie. And, how many points did the stock market drop: 334 points? Hope spreads only so far.
Monday, January 19, 2009
a rant on fluff
There's a historic inauguration and a potential snow day on the horizon. Somehow the latter is more pressing. Tonight I read The Declaration of Independence, Lincoln's First and Second Inaugural Speeches and Gettysberg Address to prepare for my classes tomorrow. Reading Jefferson's writing is a definite pleasure. He wielded the English language with well-deserved aplomb. His sentences are so hearty and robust; they soar and settle into your soul. It's no wonder I had a crush on him throughout my junior year of high school. Jefferson's writing (and thinking) were a major factor in becoming a Classics major; I realized so many of my intellectual idols were classically educated. Only recently has Greek and Latin been taken out of curriculums, obviously to our detriment. People no longer understand the grammar and logic of language-- or rhetoric and history. People have shabby vocabularies to assemble their tawdry, unsubstantiated ideas. (I've recently realized how thoroughly I detest the hubris of writers who don't and haven't read--NPR and magazines are no substitute. I can think of no greater arrogance and ignorance. It makes me blanch. We've replaced knowledge and intellectual development and training with feelings and reflection. Your opinion (and mine) are worth nil until we've studied and trained to think and engage with the germain material well. We have to be trained to analyze and evaluate the material before we can declare it relevant. Thinking is a learned exercise. An opinion's worth is largely based on the caliber of mind and education behind it (and, too often, if we agree with it).) Please don't confuse my idea of education with schooling; regrettably, they've become for a large part separate. People confuse passion and emotion for having mastered a subject. Feeling deeply about something shouldn't be mistaken for understanding something. Ultimately, to read and write well is to think well. (Don't get me wrong: thought, perception, emotion are deeply interrealated.) Perhaps, I'm raging against the cultural mood of post postmodernity where feeling and perspective rule over reality and thinking. This is to say, I hope it snows and I'm looking forward to reading through these well-crafted, thought-provoking documents with my kids.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
lost
I basically got lost all of today. I set out to spend my day one prudent way, and I ended up following rabbit trails all day. Delightful, fruitful rabbit trails, but rabbit trails nonetheless.
Rabbit trail #1: paperbackswap.com It's this awesome way to swap books. You can order books and people mail them to you. You start out with two book credits for joining. Then, you post books you're willing to trade. For each book you mail, you get a credit. This is how I spent several hours. I posted around twenty books and I ordered some. I've mailed two already (you print out the postage and everything. I wrapped the books in plastic grocery bags then wrapped the paper around them, using copious amounts of masking tape. I mailed two books ordered three books. I wish this existed for clothes. I need to go through more of my books. the ones I'll never read again. There are several thousand books in our house. Plus, I really like the idea. And, it stroked my ego that out of the 20 books I posted six of them were queued immediately. I read and swap quality books, yo. (My MBA sister was laughing at me because she made $300 dollars selling her text books on Amazon this weekend. But, I like this grassroots movement better. I might even make some friends out of the deal!) I will keep you "post"ed on this book venture. It shall be fun.
Rabbit trail #2: The mall. I went to return a sweater that's to big, which makes me look a frumpy old school marm. Of course, I am a frumpy old school marm; I simply don't want to dress the part. But, there were awesome sales. I got some work horse clothes that were not frumpy. However, they're not Madison Avenue either. They're colorful (pink, teal, orange), affordable (50-75% off), and easy. And, I got this AMAZING cashmere wrap. It's luxurious and fun. I have a feeling that my students, coworkers, family and friends are going to grow tired of the airy, fuschia wrap/scarf long before I will. HAhahaha. And, I ran into one of my writing group girls. I was bit embarrassed:1) I had all these bags of loot. 2) It was during when we normally meet for group. But, it was good to see her and find out how the retreat went.
I did walk and read, which was part of the plan. I did eat two meals of my hearty, vegetable soup. Now, I'm going to read some more. I enjoyed my day, which is the goal when one is under the weather and on holiday.
Rabbit trail #1: paperbackswap.com It's this awesome way to swap books. You can order books and people mail them to you. You start out with two book credits for joining. Then, you post books you're willing to trade. For each book you mail, you get a credit. This is how I spent several hours. I posted around twenty books and I ordered some. I've mailed two already (you print out the postage and everything. I wrapped the books in plastic grocery bags then wrapped the paper around them, using copious amounts of masking tape. I mailed two books ordered three books. I wish this existed for clothes. I need to go through more of my books. the ones I'll never read again. There are several thousand books in our house. Plus, I really like the idea. And, it stroked my ego that out of the 20 books I posted six of them were queued immediately. I read and swap quality books, yo. (My MBA sister was laughing at me because she made $300 dollars selling her text books on Amazon this weekend. But, I like this grassroots movement better. I might even make some friends out of the deal!) I will keep you "post"ed on this book venture. It shall be fun.
Rabbit trail #2: The mall. I went to return a sweater that's to big, which makes me look a frumpy old school marm. Of course, I am a frumpy old school marm; I simply don't want to dress the part. But, there were awesome sales. I got some work horse clothes that were not frumpy. However, they're not Madison Avenue either. They're colorful (pink, teal, orange), affordable (50-75% off), and easy. And, I got this AMAZING cashmere wrap. It's luxurious and fun. I have a feeling that my students, coworkers, family and friends are going to grow tired of the airy, fuschia wrap/scarf long before I will. HAhahaha. And, I ran into one of my writing group girls. I was bit embarrassed:1) I had all these bags of loot. 2) It was during when we normally meet for group. But, it was good to see her and find out how the retreat went.
I did walk and read, which was part of the plan. I did eat two meals of my hearty, vegetable soup. Now, I'm going to read some more. I enjoyed my day, which is the goal when one is under the weather and on holiday.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
d is for domestic
I woke up and medicated my savage cold. I find sneezing and snot humiliating AND tedious. Nobody can take you seriously when you sneeze. Watery eyes combine with limpness to make you feel like the sack of wet tissue and bone that you are. Thank you, Jesus, for over the counter medication. For about 2 hours, the mucus factory shuts down.
Today, despite my cold, I was a bundle of productivity. I embarked on making a vest with the same material that I made my dress. I'm not a big vest fan, but this one has princess seems so it should be feminine and tailored. I thought this vest could replace my NorthFace when I teach, which upon some soul-searching I realized isn't "professional" unless you're an outdoorsman. I took my sewing teacher out to an awesome lunch that we thoroughly enjoyed. We then went to Mary Jo's to pick out buttons and my next project. I decided to go all wild and crazy: pants. It's a Simplicity pattern for flat front, zipper in the back, slightly flared legs. I picked out some charcoal gray, tropical weight wool with a hard finish. I won't have to line them, and I'll be able to wear them three seasons. They're going to rock!
I went grocery shopping and picked up snacks for school. I ran out of them and haven't replenished my cache, which is pricey when I visit the vending machines daily. I came home, lay down read then napped. Then, I got up ate dinner, and decided I needed to make vegetable soup... a vat of vegetable soup. I journeyed to Harris Teeter again. I bought a parsnip among other things. I cleaned and chopped, opened and poured into the state-of-the-art crock pot (an oxy moron if there ever were one). The vegetables are stewing for ten hours. We shall see how my no recipe vegetable concoction goes. There's garlic in it, how wrong could it go? Now, I'm straightening and doing laundry. Geez, next thing I'm going to do is get a subscription to real simple.
Today, despite my cold, I was a bundle of productivity. I embarked on making a vest with the same material that I made my dress. I'm not a big vest fan, but this one has princess seems so it should be feminine and tailored. I thought this vest could replace my NorthFace when I teach, which upon some soul-searching I realized isn't "professional" unless you're an outdoorsman. I took my sewing teacher out to an awesome lunch that we thoroughly enjoyed. We then went to Mary Jo's to pick out buttons and my next project. I decided to go all wild and crazy: pants. It's a Simplicity pattern for flat front, zipper in the back, slightly flared legs. I picked out some charcoal gray, tropical weight wool with a hard finish. I won't have to line them, and I'll be able to wear them three seasons. They're going to rock!
I went grocery shopping and picked up snacks for school. I ran out of them and haven't replenished my cache, which is pricey when I visit the vending machines daily. I came home, lay down read then napped. Then, I got up ate dinner, and decided I needed to make vegetable soup... a vat of vegetable soup. I journeyed to Harris Teeter again. I bought a parsnip among other things. I cleaned and chopped, opened and poured into the state-of-the-art crock pot (an oxy moron if there ever were one). The vegetables are stewing for ten hours. We shall see how my no recipe vegetable concoction goes. There's garlic in it, how wrong could it go? Now, I'm straightening and doing laundry. Geez, next thing I'm going to do is get a subscription to real simple.
Friday, January 16, 2009
scales
I'm a sicky poo today, but that didn't slow me down. I taught was a total crank by the last period. I made all my kids go outside even the ones with flipflops. They say, "Ms. M, it's cold." I say, "Dress appropriately." Oh, there's a reason I'm their favorite. Seriously, I consider going out in all kinds of weather part of the Social Studies curriculum.
I promised myself that I'd leave by 3:45; so, when I left at 4:50, I was perplexed by what I got accomplished. Two out of twelve things on my to-do list. But, I got interesting stuff done that hadn't even made the list. I bought three books off half.com. "Creating Active Thinkers", "Daily Geography Practice" (isn't that a great title?), and "50 Devotions" by Koyama. And, some other stuff.
But, I did go to the Activate G County shindig at the mall. The best part of the whole experience was the woman who weighed me telling me, "You don't look that heavy!" Um, thanks. So, that was the first scale.
The second scale was of the musical variety. I went with a friend to the Symphony. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. The music was "robust" as the lady next to me described it. It was so much fun, and I felt incredibly young in that crowd. I thought about what a unique role harpists and basoonists play in a culture such as ours. They're my people in a sense. Excitement: went the wrong way down a one-way street but quickly exited once I realized it. Chatted with a violist as we walked to the concert. Ate free cookies at the end. I was incredibly bubbly all evening: it must have been the generic dayquil. I could have scaled a mountain on that stuff.
I promised myself that I'd leave by 3:45; so, when I left at 4:50, I was perplexed by what I got accomplished. Two out of twelve things on my to-do list. But, I got interesting stuff done that hadn't even made the list. I bought three books off half.com. "Creating Active Thinkers", "Daily Geography Practice" (isn't that a great title?), and "50 Devotions" by Koyama. And, some other stuff.
But, I did go to the Activate G County shindig at the mall. The best part of the whole experience was the woman who weighed me telling me, "You don't look that heavy!" Um, thanks. So, that was the first scale.
The second scale was of the musical variety. I went with a friend to the Symphony. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. The music was "robust" as the lady next to me described it. It was so much fun, and I felt incredibly young in that crowd. I thought about what a unique role harpists and basoonists play in a culture such as ours. They're my people in a sense. Excitement: went the wrong way down a one-way street but quickly exited once I realized it. Chatted with a violist as we walked to the concert. Ate free cookies at the end. I was incredibly bubbly all evening: it must have been the generic dayquil. I could have scaled a mountain on that stuff.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
la ti da
Good news: The Department of Public Instruction (DPI) decided that I should be paid on my masters, and that the pay should be retroactive. Yeehaw! And, I'm going to be able to get certification through the Alternative Licensing Bureau, which is far less expensive. God is good, Sabu.
Yowsers, I left the house at 6:30am and got back at 9:30pm. I'm wasted. It's as my brother tells his boss, "This job is really cutting into my sitting around time." Ditto. I'm developing vertigo from the busyness. The optionals are what make life worth living-- it's not as if I can cut out stupid meetings at work that annoy me to tears. I caught myself being unnecessarily short with people and feeling as I were half-assing some things. I'm looking forward to the work days next week-- I need them.
The busyness continues. I'm going to a Symphony concert tomorrow night. I sewing with a friend Saturday. I'm going to an Inauguration Party Tuesday. A friend's book bash is on Friday, and I have reservations for Indian later that night. I need to learn how to enjoy the busy and the lull. I found Christmas break's free time overwhelming and depressing. But, with this level of busy, I feel like I don't have time for self-reflection and processing. J Alfred Prufrock's life was measured out in teaspoons, wouldn't that be nice? I guess, there's a constant and healthy dialectic between down time and "up time". I don't know if I don't have time to be depressed or if I'm happy and therefore busy. Hmm.
Yowsers, I left the house at 6:30am and got back at 9:30pm. I'm wasted. It's as my brother tells his boss, "This job is really cutting into my sitting around time." Ditto. I'm developing vertigo from the busyness. The optionals are what make life worth living-- it's not as if I can cut out stupid meetings at work that annoy me to tears. I caught myself being unnecessarily short with people and feeling as I were half-assing some things. I'm looking forward to the work days next week-- I need them.
The busyness continues. I'm going to a Symphony concert tomorrow night. I sewing with a friend Saturday. I'm going to an Inauguration Party Tuesday. A friend's book bash is on Friday, and I have reservations for Indian later that night. I need to learn how to enjoy the busy and the lull. I found Christmas break's free time overwhelming and depressing. But, with this level of busy, I feel like I don't have time for self-reflection and processing. J Alfred Prufrock's life was measured out in teaspoons, wouldn't that be nice? I guess, there's a constant and healthy dialectic between down time and "up time". I don't know if I don't have time to be depressed or if I'm happy and therefore busy. Hmm.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
dizzy with busy!!!
Today was hectic! I sat down for a whopping five minutes. During my "planning period", we met with a parent and student for an hour. The student cried most of the time. It was odd. It will be successful if the Grandma follows through and gets the boy back into counseling. Our computers were down 1:30-6pm; we were alerted to the fact at noon. Super. A Social Studies curriculum specialist came by at lunch and sat in the first five minutes of class. We scheduled to meet on a work day. I've turned her down before. I think people in the county office forget how crazy busy we are. We don't have hours at a desk to ponder; we're on the move dealing with twenty different things.
I came home to a UPS package! I love friends! It was a package full of African goodies and an awesome Iowa Crew jacket. Divine Coincidence: curriculum specialist and goody package arrived same day after they were in the works for months? Of course. I got Ethiopian and Zambian money, a craft and lots of different teas. I'm so pumped for my kiddos! They'll know I'm not full of crap when I tell them all my friends' stories. And, hopefully it'll make all the "economy talk" more real to them.
I went to a class on Deuteronomy tonight. God help the poor teacher; I was in rare form. The teacher said that "It looks like God changed his mind, but he really didn't" regarding Deut 9. I raised my hand and asked, "If he wasn't changing his mind, then what exactly was He doing?" He waxed philosophical. I told him that his God sounded like a Greco-Roman ideal than the God of the Bible. I think my fiestiness encouraged some other people. We talked about God having emotion and being in relationship with us. Afterwards he said he "welcomed discussion." But, the class was thought-provoking and stoked a desire in me to read Deuternomy, which by my standards is a successful class.
I stopped at Auto Zone and got this poor dude to check all the fluids and my battery in my car for me at my mom's nagging persistence. Everything was A-Ok in my 249k mile car. Go, Toyota! And, the guy was very pleasant as he checked it in the dark and ended buying zilch.
Now I gots to read!
I came home to a UPS package! I love friends! It was a package full of African goodies and an awesome Iowa Crew jacket. Divine Coincidence: curriculum specialist and goody package arrived same day after they were in the works for months? Of course. I got Ethiopian and Zambian money, a craft and lots of different teas. I'm so pumped for my kiddos! They'll know I'm not full of crap when I tell them all my friends' stories. And, hopefully it'll make all the "economy talk" more real to them.
I went to a class on Deuteronomy tonight. God help the poor teacher; I was in rare form. The teacher said that "It looks like God changed his mind, but he really didn't" regarding Deut 9. I raised my hand and asked, "If he wasn't changing his mind, then what exactly was He doing?" He waxed philosophical. I told him that his God sounded like a Greco-Roman ideal than the God of the Bible. I think my fiestiness encouraged some other people. We talked about God having emotion and being in relationship with us. Afterwards he said he "welcomed discussion." But, the class was thought-provoking and stoked a desire in me to read Deuternomy, which by my standards is a successful class.
I stopped at Auto Zone and got this poor dude to check all the fluids and my battery in my car for me at my mom's nagging persistence. Everything was A-Ok in my 249k mile car. Go, Toyota! And, the guy was very pleasant as he checked it in the dark and ended buying zilch.
Now I gots to read!
Monday, January 12, 2009
prayer to stop FOCA
I hold a complex stance on abortion rights. Woman's Choice and ProLife are not polar-- I feel that they are at a ninety degree angle arguing separate issues that rest in one very concrete fact. I think abortion is a sin of our nation (and the people who profit from them) more so than the individuals who have them. I think the victims are the women, the girls and the babies... and the men who abdicate their role in generating life. But, anyway, the Bill, Freedom of Choice Act, is beyond the pale. It releases all restrictions. Here is an email I received from a Benedictine monk (please consider praying and fasting):
"If you are opposed to abortion then there is bad news on the horizon. For those of you who do not know, the Freedom of Choice Act (FOCA) is set to be signed if congress passes it on January 21-22 of 2009. The FOCA is the next sick chapter in the book of abortion. If made a law then all limitations on abortion will be lifted which will result in the following:
1) All hospitals, including Catholic hospitals, will be required to perform abortions upon request. If this happens Bishops vow to close down all Catholic hospitals, more then 30% of all hospitals in the United States.
2) Partial birth abortions would be legal and have no limitations.
3) All U.S. tax payers would be funding abortions.
4) Parental notification will no longer be required.
5) The number of abortions will increase by a minimum of 100,000 annually. This is an estimation.
Needless to say this information is disturbing, but sadlytrue. As Catholics, as Christians, as anyone who is against the needless killing of innocent children, we must stand as one. We must stop this horrific act before it becomes a law.
The Plan :
To say a novena (9 days of prayer) along with fasting starting on Sunday, January 11th. For Catholics, the prayer of choice will be the rosary with intentions to stop the FOCA. For all other Christians, we I encourage you to pray your strongest prayers with the same intentions, also for nine consecutive days. The hope is that this will branch and blossom as to become a global effort with maximum impact. We have very little time so we all must act fast. Just do three things:
1) Invite all your friends to this group. (at least those that you know are Christian)
2) Do it in three days or less
3) Start the novena on January 11th and pray for nine consecutive days.
(please also fast for at least two days during the novena)
Remember that with God all things are possible and thepower of prayer is undeniable. If you are against the senseless killing of defenseless children then the time is now to do something about it!
--
"Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the freedom to do what we ought." JP II
"God has created a world big enough for all the lives He wishes to be born. It is only our hearts that are not big enough to want them and accept them. If all the money that is being spent on finding ways to kill people was used instead to feed them and house them and educate them - how beautiful that would be. We are too often afraid of the sacrifices we might have to make. But where there is love, there is always sacrifice. And when we love until it hurts, there is joy and peace." Mother Theresa
"While it is obvious that an ignorant man can be virtuous, it is equally obvious that ignorance is not a virtue." -Frank Sheed"
"If you are opposed to abortion then there is bad news on the horizon. For those of you who do not know, the Freedom of Choice Act (FOCA) is set to be signed if congress passes it on January 21-22 of 2009. The FOCA is the next sick chapter in the book of abortion. If made a law then all limitations on abortion will be lifted which will result in the following:
1) All hospitals, including Catholic hospitals, will be required to perform abortions upon request. If this happens Bishops vow to close down all Catholic hospitals, more then 30% of all hospitals in the United States.
2) Partial birth abortions would be legal and have no limitations.
3) All U.S. tax payers would be funding abortions.
4) Parental notification will no longer be required.
5) The number of abortions will increase by a minimum of 100,000 annually. This is an estimation.
Needless to say this information is disturbing, but sadlytrue. As Catholics, as Christians, as anyone who is against the needless killing of innocent children, we must stand as one. We must stop this horrific act before it becomes a law.
The Plan :
To say a novena (9 days of prayer) along with fasting starting on Sunday, January 11th. For Catholics, the prayer of choice will be the rosary with intentions to stop the FOCA. For all other Christians, we I encourage you to pray your strongest prayers with the same intentions, also for nine consecutive days. The hope is that this will branch and blossom as to become a global effort with maximum impact. We have very little time so we all must act fast. Just do three things:
1) Invite all your friends to this group. (at least those that you know are Christian)
2) Do it in three days or less
3) Start the novena on January 11th and pray for nine consecutive days.
(please also fast for at least two days during the novena)
Remember that with God all things are possible and thepower of prayer is undeniable. If you are against the senseless killing of defenseless children then the time is now to do something about it!
--
"Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the freedom to do what we ought." JP II
"God has created a world big enough for all the lives He wishes to be born. It is only our hearts that are not big enough to want them and accept them. If all the money that is being spent on finding ways to kill people was used instead to feed them and house them and educate them - how beautiful that would be. We are too often afraid of the sacrifices we might have to make. But where there is love, there is always sacrifice. And when we love until it hurts, there is joy and peace." Mother Theresa
"While it is obvious that an ignorant man can be virtuous, it is equally obvious that ignorance is not a virtue." -Frank Sheed"
skype
Saturday night, I called a Vancouver friend to wish her a happy birthday. I got her answering machine, but as I was playing around my computer rang from a friend in Germany. The phone's connection wasn't that great, but it was free. My friend is Dutch, and I'm Scottish-- so we're agreed that cheap is good. But, it was good to chat with a kindred spirit who's reading good books and living exciting adventures (I can do vicarious). He's really good at helping me frame my life in good, hopeful terms. He makes me smile, which was a colossal feat this weekend. I finally caught my Van friend tonight, which was another pleasant, cozy conversation. It's been a very lonely homecoming this past year and a half. And, it's bittersweet to talk to good friends far away. It sates and wakens the appetite for friendship. I don't understand this period of my life... but it's not as if I understand any substantive things. That's why I read books.
Work went very well today. I have the illusion of being somewhat on top of things. I looked very rough because I barely slept and was too ornery at 5:30 to amend the damage. I caught glimpse of myself in the mirror... yikes! But, my kids were smart enough to keep mum. They do have some EQ.
I researched some blogs tonight. I'm thinking of improvements: photos are a must. I'm thinking maybe having some topics based on the day of the week. Recipes or crafts or restaurant reviews. This is a chance to figure out things.
Work went very well today. I have the illusion of being somewhat on top of things. I looked very rough because I barely slept and was too ornery at 5:30 to amend the damage. I caught glimpse of myself in the mirror... yikes! But, my kids were smart enough to keep mum. They do have some EQ.
I researched some blogs tonight. I'm thinking of improvements: photos are a must. I'm thinking maybe having some topics based on the day of the week. Recipes or crafts or restaurant reviews. This is a chance to figure out things.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
non negotiables and more!
It was my second Sunday at a local Lutheran church. It took me a long time to realize that Lutheran was a high church option in these parts. That's a denomination that flies under my radar for some unexplicable reason. I really like the service. We're talking prayer of confession and intercession, the Lord's Prayer, the Nicene (!) Creed, weekly communion, liturgical reading, hymns, kneeling. I feel as if I've encountered the Living God not some wishy-washy, well-intentioned, inoffensive suggestions.
A woman I respect in Vancouver told me that she and her husband chose churches based on the best two out of three: the Sacraments, the Word, and the Holy Spirit. She said that she'd never experienced a church that fully incorporated all three. They'd gone to Baptist churches, pentecostal churches and were presently at an Anglican church. One day last year that conversation popped into my head and made me realize that the church I was attending had a zero out of three. They lacked a stance on Baptism and served communion once a month (that's a really low score on the two sacraments protestants observe).
The pastor used "Big Idea" preaching because expository preaching is passe; "Big Idea" preaching is a way to avoid Scripture getting in the way of the point you're trying to make. The preacher argued that expository preaching had been abused and was no longer effective. That's synonymous to saying the Bible is no longer relevant because all expository preaching does is unpack chapters and verses and apply them. The argument is fallacious because all things have been abused (justice, medicine, government, etc) that doesn't make them bad. (The church scores negatively in the Word.)
And, arguably, MTV and TMZ influence the church more than the Spirit. Their pet projects are Africa, homeless and inner city kids. Not that's anything wrong with these missions: it's just that they're sexy. There's no questions asked about the marginalization of the elderly. You serve poor people; you don't have them worship with you. There were few fat people at the church (a key socio-economic indicator)-- it was by no means welcoming. I was always most ashamed of my rickety car at church (this should not be!).
And, the pastors constantly communicate a disdain for Southerners and the South-- snarky comments about our manners, our intellects, our art. Jesus sent us some Yankees to set us straight, Halleujah! (In fact, the only time the head pastor spoke to me, was to make an asinine comment about a UNC t-shirt I was wearing. How is that of the Spirit? And, there's no call for sacrifice only for giving. They offered service projects (nothing long term-- no life style change). We all know God really digs his children's comfort.
I always sensed that they were ashamed of the gospel. And, the reference of nonbelievers as "normal people" is borderline heretical in my book. Sin and brokeness are not normal; it is the role of the church to preach The Story of our true identity as immortal children of God. God is good and powerful not an add on based on a person's desire. There was no sense of Reality vs. seen. To normalize brokeness and sin is ridiculous and self-defeating. They never said the Lord's Prayer or the Apostles' Creed. I've never been to another church that snubbed those hallmarks of orthodox faith. (Zero for the spirit.)
Yet, there were amazing believers in the congregation. People who walked with God amidst the inane idolatry of hipness. And, I discovered some of my non negotiables: Lord's Prayer, a Creed (Apostles' or Nicene), at least one prayer, old people and fat people. Augustine called the church a hospital not a plastic surgery clinic. A friend told me to treat it as a mission field, but I need to be fed-- I'm one of Jesus' sheep too. I'm looking for a two out of the three.
"Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the freedom to do what we ought." JP II
A woman I respect in Vancouver told me that she and her husband chose churches based on the best two out of three: the Sacraments, the Word, and the Holy Spirit. She said that she'd never experienced a church that fully incorporated all three. They'd gone to Baptist churches, pentecostal churches and were presently at an Anglican church. One day last year that conversation popped into my head and made me realize that the church I was attending had a zero out of three. They lacked a stance on Baptism and served communion once a month (that's a really low score on the two sacraments protestants observe).
The pastor used "Big Idea" preaching because expository preaching is passe; "Big Idea" preaching is a way to avoid Scripture getting in the way of the point you're trying to make. The preacher argued that expository preaching had been abused and was no longer effective. That's synonymous to saying the Bible is no longer relevant because all expository preaching does is unpack chapters and verses and apply them. The argument is fallacious because all things have been abused (justice, medicine, government, etc) that doesn't make them bad. (The church scores negatively in the Word.)
And, arguably, MTV and TMZ influence the church more than the Spirit. Their pet projects are Africa, homeless and inner city kids. Not that's anything wrong with these missions: it's just that they're sexy. There's no questions asked about the marginalization of the elderly. You serve poor people; you don't have them worship with you. There were few fat people at the church (a key socio-economic indicator)-- it was by no means welcoming. I was always most ashamed of my rickety car at church (this should not be!).
And, the pastors constantly communicate a disdain for Southerners and the South-- snarky comments about our manners, our intellects, our art. Jesus sent us some Yankees to set us straight, Halleujah! (In fact, the only time the head pastor spoke to me, was to make an asinine comment about a UNC t-shirt I was wearing. How is that of the Spirit? And, there's no call for sacrifice only for giving. They offered service projects (nothing long term-- no life style change). We all know God really digs his children's comfort.
I always sensed that they were ashamed of the gospel. And, the reference of nonbelievers as "normal people" is borderline heretical in my book. Sin and brokeness are not normal; it is the role of the church to preach The Story of our true identity as immortal children of God. God is good and powerful not an add on based on a person's desire. There was no sense of Reality vs. seen. To normalize brokeness and sin is ridiculous and self-defeating. They never said the Lord's Prayer or the Apostles' Creed. I've never been to another church that snubbed those hallmarks of orthodox faith. (Zero for the spirit.)
Yet, there were amazing believers in the congregation. People who walked with God amidst the inane idolatry of hipness. And, I discovered some of my non negotiables: Lord's Prayer, a Creed (Apostles' or Nicene), at least one prayer, old people and fat people. Augustine called the church a hospital not a plastic surgery clinic. A friend told me to treat it as a mission field, but I need to be fed-- I'm one of Jesus' sheep too. I'm looking for a two out of the three.
"Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the freedom to do what we ought." JP II
Friday, January 9, 2009
breakin' my heart
I signed up with a fellow teacher for a 5-concerts ticket package to the Symphony. She's a Beethoven fan, and I'm a Bach fan. There were more Beethoven concerts to choose from; he's all about drama... and people dig drama. Some people find Bach a bit tedious and listening to him analgous to watching paint dry. Mathematicians study his work. It's impossible to weary of Bach; I can listen to his partitas and sonatas ad nauseum. I listen to the partitas when I'm having a hard time praying; they feel like a soul praying. His Mass in B Minor (I love, love, love the Sanctus) and Passions make Lent. I've joked more than once that Bach is my favorite theologian. He had such tedious, frustrating life. Petty people always getting him down, but he managed to produce magnificent piece after brilliant piece.
Well, Mass in B Minor was the selling point for the entire series for me. (I'm sure I'll enjoy the Moonlight Sonata and other little ditties yada, yada, yada. But, I really miss the Bach choir in Vancouver.) Then, damn, if I don't get a call that they've cancelled the Mass in B Minor concert and they will let me replace the ticket with another concert. Dude, I don't want another concert. This is neither my first or last disappointment, but, geez. Throw me a bone. Maybe I'll splurge on a Opera ticket.
Well, Mass in B Minor was the selling point for the entire series for me. (I'm sure I'll enjoy the Moonlight Sonata and other little ditties yada, yada, yada. But, I really miss the Bach choir in Vancouver.) Then, damn, if I don't get a call that they've cancelled the Mass in B Minor concert and they will let me replace the ticket with another concert. Dude, I don't want another concert. This is neither my first or last disappointment, but, geez. Throw me a bone. Maybe I'll splurge on a Opera ticket.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
whirling dervish
Today went super fast. Perhaps, I'm building up my immunity to 7th graders and middle school. I'm less shocked by all things annoying and learning to deal with my uptight impulses. I only received one positive response to my reading group-- I know one other. There's a part of me relieved and a part of me disappointed.
Tutoring my fourth grader lived up to my expectations, which is a near impossible feat. My expectations are as unwieldy and stout as my imagination. But, reading a good book with a kindred spirit is very close to bliss.
I discovered a nifty quotation in the CSL biography: CSL wrote, "However, cheer up, whenever you are fed up with life, start writing: ink is the great cure for all human ills, as I have found out long ago." Writing is a convivial venture. (Is that proper use of "convivial"? It's definitely outside the norm.)
Tutoring my fourth grader lived up to my expectations, which is a near impossible feat. My expectations are as unwieldy and stout as my imagination. But, reading a good book with a kindred spirit is very close to bliss.
I discovered a nifty quotation in the CSL biography: CSL wrote, "However, cheer up, whenever you are fed up with life, start writing: ink is the great cure for all human ills, as I have found out long ago." Writing is a convivial venture. (Is that proper use of "convivial"? It's definitely outside the norm.)
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
bedtime
So, I've started getting up at 5:30 again but haven't adjusted my bedtime. Last night at 10pm, I told my sister, "I'm not going to bed I'm going to read." And, I stayed up until after twelve. This morning, the custodian looked at me and said, "You had a hard time getting out of bed this morning." I just laughed; I looked awfully rough all day.
I'm determined to have a semblance of a life outside of teaching this semester. Oh, I'm not talking about a social life, but an achieve goals kind-of-a-life. I want to read a book a week and run two half marathons by July. I'd like to write one article. I want to talk to the Army Reserve and check out teaching positions at other places. I'm attempting to start another book club. And, I'm going to tutor my favorite student from last year. I love one-on-one, and I'm going to bring Tale of Despereaux to see if she's interested. And, maybe the first Lemony Snickets. She's a keen fourth grader, which means she's on or above the level of most of my seventh graders. I want to be rested to read with her.
I'm determined to have a semblance of a life outside of teaching this semester. Oh, I'm not talking about a social life, but an achieve goals kind-of-a-life. I want to read a book a week and run two half marathons by July. I'd like to write one article. I want to talk to the Army Reserve and check out teaching positions at other places. I'm attempting to start another book club. And, I'm going to tutor my favorite student from last year. I love one-on-one, and I'm going to bring Tale of Despereaux to see if she's interested. And, maybe the first Lemony Snickets. She's a keen fourth grader, which means she's on or above the level of most of my seventh graders. I want to be rested to read with her.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
hard day's night
My hard's day night is a lil' less frisky than the Beatles'. But whatever frisk my night lacks, my day made up for it. I left my house at 6:30 am and got home at 7:30 pm. I was productive and did some financial stuff, I've been meaning to do for several months, but simply haven't done. I'm organizing my classroom. I had a satisfying run... I kicked all butts that were in my row. (I'm a little on the competive side.) But, I forgot a towel, so I went to rent one. The lady told me, "Sweetheart, we don't have any towels." I was sweaty and needed to be at Vespers in thirty minutes: AWESOME. I improvised; I'll leave it at that. Go, me!
I'm off to read because I am a biblio-fiend!
I'm off to read because I am a biblio-fiend!
Monday, January 5, 2009
dread unveiled
I'm such a 4 year-old. I had a temper tantrum last night-- crying and lamenting how much I hate my job. I chatted with my sister about quitting after this year. She told me that the economy was going to be bad for another 12-18 months with unemployment reaching 10 percent. That wasn't the encouraging answer I wanted.
Then, today turned out to be one of my best days yet. A majority of the kids engaged with my lessons. Learning creates so much electrifying energy! It was awesome to watch some of the ideas click for the kids. I know that this kind of excitement will lead to the tedium of classroom management and the students' frustration with some unruly concept that they can't master with ease. But, it's nice to have a glimpse of what I imagined teaching would be like.
I think I'm going to add another GK Chesterton quote to my 2009 mottos: "All is grist." Ever since I was 18, I'm overwhelmed by the mundanity and tedium of life. It's amazing how many things can go wrong. I imagined life would be far easier and pleasant than it is. Not that there aren't moments that exceed expectation, but they are vastly outnumbered by the tedious. But, all the disappointments and frustrations can be transformative. Nothing is lost, and not all gold glitters. I read this passage before I went to school: "The settled happiness and security which we all desire, God withholds from us by the very nature of the world: but joy, pleasure, and merriment, He has scattered broadcast. We are never safe, but we have plenty of fun, and some ecstasy. It is not hard to see why. The security we crave would teach us to rest our hearts in this world and oppose an obstacle to our return to God: a few moments of happy love, a landscape, a symphony, a merry meeting with our friends, a bathe or a football match, have no such tendency. Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home."
Then, today turned out to be one of my best days yet. A majority of the kids engaged with my lessons. Learning creates so much electrifying energy! It was awesome to watch some of the ideas click for the kids. I know that this kind of excitement will lead to the tedium of classroom management and the students' frustration with some unruly concept that they can't master with ease. But, it's nice to have a glimpse of what I imagined teaching would be like.
I think I'm going to add another GK Chesterton quote to my 2009 mottos: "All is grist." Ever since I was 18, I'm overwhelmed by the mundanity and tedium of life. It's amazing how many things can go wrong. I imagined life would be far easier and pleasant than it is. Not that there aren't moments that exceed expectation, but they are vastly outnumbered by the tedious. But, all the disappointments and frustrations can be transformative. Nothing is lost, and not all gold glitters. I read this passage before I went to school: "The settled happiness and security which we all desire, God withholds from us by the very nature of the world: but joy, pleasure, and merriment, He has scattered broadcast. We are never safe, but we have plenty of fun, and some ecstasy. It is not hard to see why. The security we crave would teach us to rest our hearts in this world and oppose an obstacle to our return to God: a few moments of happy love, a landscape, a symphony, a merry meeting with our friends, a bathe or a football match, have no such tendency. Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home."
Sunday, January 4, 2009
back to school
It's my first day back tomorrow. I'm equal parts dread and excitement. My job is never boring. It creates a vortex that sucks my time, energy and confidence. I get to revel in my inadequacy and waking up at 5:30 in the morning. But, I'm excited to see some of my kids (most of my kids), and to get back to a routine no matter how rigid and long it is.
I feel that I know what I'm entering far better than I did in August. I won't have planning periods because of my student who was put on half day. We're going to be testing, which I'm not sure what that'll look like, but I know it will be disruptive. But, I also know how to schedule my periods more effectively. I have so much work (grading, correspondence, meetings, planning), but I'm learning how to get that done methodically and deal with it always hanging over my head. But, I developed some exciting ideas for some of my classes and found some cool books. I wish my classes had about 20 students instead of about 30 students. But, I'm learning a lot, and I do have a job.
I'm being forced into being patient, gracious, grateful and humble. But, the sooner we start, the sooner June comes! I have to remind myself I'm only crying about once a week now, which is notable improvement. I have planned some self-care: a book club, tickets to the symphony, and training for two half marathons. This should provide some balance. And, I remind myself the first year of teaching is supposed to be brutal. It's just that I was hoping for something a little easier after the two violent years before. If I survive this third year of hell, I'll either be a phantom or more mature. I cannot wait to turn thirty.
I need to decide whether or not I'll teach (in public school) next year because it'll determine if I take the education courses I'll need for certification.
Completely unrelated, my car is back to getting decent gas mileage. For about a month, it was getting 24.4 miles to the gallon. Now, it's back up between 27 and 30mpg. This is a load off as I prepare to take some classes.
I feel that I know what I'm entering far better than I did in August. I won't have planning periods because of my student who was put on half day. We're going to be testing, which I'm not sure what that'll look like, but I know it will be disruptive. But, I also know how to schedule my periods more effectively. I have so much work (grading, correspondence, meetings, planning), but I'm learning how to get that done methodically and deal with it always hanging over my head. But, I developed some exciting ideas for some of my classes and found some cool books. I wish my classes had about 20 students instead of about 30 students. But, I'm learning a lot, and I do have a job.
I'm being forced into being patient, gracious, grateful and humble. But, the sooner we start, the sooner June comes! I have to remind myself I'm only crying about once a week now, which is notable improvement. I have planned some self-care: a book club, tickets to the symphony, and training for two half marathons. This should provide some balance. And, I remind myself the first year of teaching is supposed to be brutal. It's just that I was hoping for something a little easier after the two violent years before. If I survive this third year of hell, I'll either be a phantom or more mature. I cannot wait to turn thirty.
I need to decide whether or not I'll teach (in public school) next year because it'll determine if I take the education courses I'll need for certification.
Completely unrelated, my car is back to getting decent gas mileage. For about a month, it was getting 24.4 miles to the gallon. Now, it's back up between 27 and 30mpg. This is a load off as I prepare to take some classes.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
oxymoron (emphasis on moron)
This morning I read, drank coffee and squandered time. I finally decided to don my new (PINK) sweater dress with (black) leggings and leave the house. I survived the wilds of a hopping fabric store, which I would have thought was an oxymoron until today. Crafty women and their bored husbands swarmed the aisles of cotton, velveteen, notions and fat quarters. It's a fabulous learning opportunity. I asked one woman point blank: "What are you going to do with that?" (That was a fat quarter of candy cane material.) She answered, "Make ornaments." I asked, "Where do you find Christmas ornament patterns?" She answered, "I take apart ornaments."
My sewing sherpa, G, deserves a purple heart for patience, endurance and fortitude. How does she put up with me? And, I brought her a vest pattern, apparently, gaging from her reaction to it, a difficult vest pattern. After she studied the guide sheet for a few minutes, she looked me in the eyes and said, "All I ask is that you don't get us any fur to work with." I answered, "Okay, I find wool tricky enough." I'm almost finished with my *awesome* dress. It's wool. It's heavy. It's crazy comfortable. I'm very proud of it.
I drove over to Charlotte to visit H. A good time was had by all. Her roommate is an excellent cook and generous too. We made a mix, but then my computer died. After my sister listened to it, she asked, "Who helped you with it?"
Which forced the inevitable, I bought a new power cord for my ancient computer. This is the second time I've replaced the power cord, Mr. Apple Computer Man. The second time in three and a half years. I asked the cordial sales staff if they were going to recycle it. She said no. At least she was honest. An honest anthropology major she was. So, I kept my retired power adaptor and maybe will give it to somebody to refurbish or something... or maybe a historian will study it 500 years from now.
I found out about the half marathon in Charlotte in March. Then there is the Seattle one in June. When you see my photo in the newspaper and ask yourself, "Who is that gorgeous athletic beast?", remember I'm a fabulous writer too.
I'm adopting GK Chesterton's motto "Anything worth doing is worth doing badly" for 2009. Let the rumpus start!
My sewing sherpa, G, deserves a purple heart for patience, endurance and fortitude. How does she put up with me? And, I brought her a vest pattern, apparently, gaging from her reaction to it, a difficult vest pattern. After she studied the guide sheet for a few minutes, she looked me in the eyes and said, "All I ask is that you don't get us any fur to work with." I answered, "Okay, I find wool tricky enough." I'm almost finished with my *awesome* dress. It's wool. It's heavy. It's crazy comfortable. I'm very proud of it.
I drove over to Charlotte to visit H. A good time was had by all. Her roommate is an excellent cook and generous too. We made a mix, but then my computer died. After my sister listened to it, she asked, "Who helped you with it?"
Which forced the inevitable, I bought a new power cord for my ancient computer. This is the second time I've replaced the power cord, Mr. Apple Computer Man. The second time in three and a half years. I asked the cordial sales staff if they were going to recycle it. She said no. At least she was honest. An honest anthropology major she was. So, I kept my retired power adaptor and maybe will give it to somebody to refurbish or something... or maybe a historian will study it 500 years from now.
I found out about the half marathon in Charlotte in March. Then there is the Seattle one in June. When you see my photo in the newspaper and ask yourself, "Who is that gorgeous athletic beast?", remember I'm a fabulous writer too.
I'm adopting GK Chesterton's motto "Anything worth doing is worth doing badly" for 2009. Let the rumpus start!
Friday, January 2, 2009
a new year
"....Some things
you know all your life. They are so simple and true
they must be said without elegance, metre and rhyme,
they must be laid on the table beside the salt shaker,
the glass of water, the absence of light gathering
in the shadows of the picture frames, they must be
naked and alone, they must stand for themselves." - Philip Levine, "The Simple Truth"
These lines struck me today as a reframed version of this past year. I am learning things I should already know and have mastered. I find these lesson make my agony with Calculus and Greek seem pleasant. Unemployment is one of the hardest things with which I've dealt. Living in North Carolina again has provided opportunities for growth and learning. Teaching seventh grade has taught me so much. This year allowed me a new perspective on myself-- a perspective that was not the most flattering but necessary. This year was trying on bikinis in florescent lighting in front of an audience. Looking in mirrors is complex. Usually what I discover from looking in the mirror is not how I actually look, but what mood I'm in. It's hard to observe the object (my body in this case) at which I'm looking because of the many distractions and filters in my head.
The lessons applyed have been on patience, hope, and identity. Or, humility. I've had no place to hide from my inadequacy. My excuses and whining failed me! For instance, I could no longer place all the blame on the guys I dated; it occurred to me that I had the most hang-ups. The job search forced me to view my limits in bravery and confidence; I found getting up after each fall got harder and harder then the process plateaued when I accepted how little control I have over somebody hiring me... or the applicant pool. And writing, it's a lot of work. Teaching has high-lighted my failure to communicate expectation; I can't assume the other person shares the expectation. And, seventh grade has emphasized how high strung I can be. I'm forced into getting more relaxed. I don't think a single lesson has gone as planned. The interruptions and schedule shifts addelpate me, but I'm learning to function in disaster and finish in style. It requires adjustments and flexibility.
I have to recalibrate what success looks like with teaching. Today as I walked to my car, a student and his friend came up to me while they were riding bikes. I heard somebody yell, "Ms. M!" and watched to bikes drive up. We chatted and I asked him how much he had read. He responded with a grin, "I haven't read nothing!" As I got in my car I rolled my eyes, thinking about his double negative: "What a proud moment for me as a Language Arts teacher!" Then, I realized that I was framing the picture wrong. My student could have easily avoided me, but he came up and engaged me. He wanted me to see his new bike, meet his friend and tell me about his break. That's success.
Likewise, the wide girth of my inadequacy is a canvass for God's grace and goodness... a portal to reality. The wardrobe's door. Last January, I wrote "resistance" on the palm of my hand in response to a question Brian McLaren asked. I think, this year has erradicated a lot of that resistance.
you know all your life. They are so simple and true
they must be said without elegance, metre and rhyme,
they must be laid on the table beside the salt shaker,
the glass of water, the absence of light gathering
in the shadows of the picture frames, they must be
naked and alone, they must stand for themselves." - Philip Levine, "The Simple Truth"
These lines struck me today as a reframed version of this past year. I am learning things I should already know and have mastered. I find these lesson make my agony with Calculus and Greek seem pleasant. Unemployment is one of the hardest things with which I've dealt. Living in North Carolina again has provided opportunities for growth and learning. Teaching seventh grade has taught me so much. This year allowed me a new perspective on myself-- a perspective that was not the most flattering but necessary. This year was trying on bikinis in florescent lighting in front of an audience. Looking in mirrors is complex. Usually what I discover from looking in the mirror is not how I actually look, but what mood I'm in. It's hard to observe the object (my body in this case) at which I'm looking because of the many distractions and filters in my head.
The lessons applyed have been on patience, hope, and identity. Or, humility. I've had no place to hide from my inadequacy. My excuses and whining failed me! For instance, I could no longer place all the blame on the guys I dated; it occurred to me that I had the most hang-ups. The job search forced me to view my limits in bravery and confidence; I found getting up after each fall got harder and harder then the process plateaued when I accepted how little control I have over somebody hiring me... or the applicant pool. And writing, it's a lot of work. Teaching has high-lighted my failure to communicate expectation; I can't assume the other person shares the expectation. And, seventh grade has emphasized how high strung I can be. I'm forced into getting more relaxed. I don't think a single lesson has gone as planned. The interruptions and schedule shifts addelpate me, but I'm learning to function in disaster and finish in style. It requires adjustments and flexibility.
I have to recalibrate what success looks like with teaching. Today as I walked to my car, a student and his friend came up to me while they were riding bikes. I heard somebody yell, "Ms. M!" and watched to bikes drive up. We chatted and I asked him how much he had read. He responded with a grin, "I haven't read nothing!" As I got in my car I rolled my eyes, thinking about his double negative: "What a proud moment for me as a Language Arts teacher!" Then, I realized that I was framing the picture wrong. My student could have easily avoided me, but he came up and engaged me. He wanted me to see his new bike, meet his friend and tell me about his break. That's success.
Likewise, the wide girth of my inadequacy is a canvass for God's grace and goodness... a portal to reality. The wardrobe's door. Last January, I wrote "resistance" on the palm of my hand in response to a question Brian McLaren asked. I think, this year has erradicated a lot of that resistance.
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