tuition

Money paid to a school is the cheapest tuition you'll ever pay. That's how I feel about this interview I had today: I learned a lot but it cost me the job most likely. It's a proprietary school (for profit), which means, ye gods, a very different breed of cat. The head of department had problematic grammar; he hasn't mastered subject-verb agreement. Does it make me a snob that I noticed that? He was interesting, but he failed to make eye contact. Then, the other guy that sat in on my mock class winked at me when we shook hands in parting. Let's just say it isn't the last bastion of professionalism. (It's a sad state of affairs when I'm the most polished person in a room.) Ye gods, we're talking insanity. The think the entire episode can be summed up in my pearl bracelet (3 strings tied together with a pearl colored ribbon). I shouldn't have worn it; it looked utterly ridiculous in the situation. The same could be said about my degrees and my plentitude of random knowledge.

I wore the same outfit I would have worn to interview at a boarding school. I was expecting the dude to pick up on my reference to Katherine Meyer Graham and The Washington Post. Am I crazy? When in Rome, act/accessorize as a Roman. There were several points where I definitely took the wrong avenue of approach-- even with the lesson I chose to teach. I thought it was brilliant (because it WAS), but I should have created a simple lecture with power point. They were not duly impressed with the genius of my Socratic, discussion-based lesson. Whatevs. Or, maybe that's what the wink was for.

Of course, maybe the other people interviewing for the job with Master's in Divinity or Philosophy will be even more clueless than I. Maybe?

Ghandi's Seven Dangers to Human Virtue

from "Few Pieces of Me" blog

The man in diapers spoke truth. I'm going to have to linger with this like a poem. It's very condensed logic and language. Oh, the beauty of a list. One day I'm going to make a collage of lists. I think it'd be fascinating, and a great way to "scrap book" your year.

I'm preparing a mock class on Ethics for an interview tomorrow. How I stated it makes it sounds as if I'm going to be making fun of ethics. But, I'm going to talk about the ethics of cell phones. If I get through the next couple of days, it's going to be a miracle. I have this interview, have to have my apartment completely cleaned out and the key turned in, I have to deal with two state agencies, I have to get my undergrad transcript, I have to clean the house and the dog before G gets back, and I have a friend flying in tomorrow afternoon and flying out on Saturday that I have to keep entertained. I told him I had an exciting time planned for him-- some cleaning, some paper work, some family time. I bet he's so wishing he hadn't bought a plane ticket. Too late, suckah! But, God is good and will provide the strength I need.

Usable Church History

Give me, O Lord
A steadfast heart
Which no unworthy thought can drag downwards;
An unconquered heart
Which no tribulation can wear out;
An upright heart
Which no unworthy purpose may tempt aside.
Bestow upon me also,
O Lord my God,
Understanding to know Thee,
Diligence to seek Thee,
Wisdom to find Thee, and
A faithfulness that may finally embrace Thee;
Through Jesus Christ, our Lord.
(Thomas Aquinas)

perhaps a return on investment

I have an interview on Thursday for an adjunct teaching job with adults. It's by no means my dream job, but it's a definite step in the right direction. I have an interview and a mock class on Thursday. I definitely have some reservations, but that will be resolved partly by the interview. If I hear something back from the full-time job, then it'll probably be early next week because when they have cut-off dates.

imprint

I had a busy weekend, but what was odd is that two very different people used verses from Philippians. The first person was giving an eulogy for a funeral at a funeral. He said his friend's life Philippians 2:3-5: "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus (NIV)." He went on to say my friend's dad was truly a gentleman, a gentle man. Being at a funeral in general, but hearing these words made me stop and take stock. It was along the same lines of hearing the sermon on success. The guy argued that Christians shouldn't think in terms of success but rather faithfulness.

Then, the new youth minister of our church prayed a verse from Philippians (Message) to inaugurate her stint: "So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God." If she can teach one teenager that, bully for her.

These verses culminated in our Alpha discussion on sin. We were discussing how we react to the word "sin". This older lady who grew up in Montreal in the Catholic Church said she always grew up categorizing sin into mortal and venial sins, but now they don't separate the types. Now, they define sin as "no love". My first reaction was "How very French". Then, I started thinking about what Jesus said the two greatest commandments are to love God and love your neighbor as yourself, and I'm thinking that this is an accurate definition of sin. It holds up to my experience. And, the two Philippians verses are about living a holy life (without sin) and they are about love-- a sincere and intelligent love not sentimental gush. It's the way Jesus loves us. Can you imagine having those verses read at your funeral?

Now, I get to go live these ideas out in the messy, rainy real world with a friend that has disappointed me deeply. Ah, we shall see. The collect for yesterday started out, "God most powerful, who uses his power to bring about mercy and grace..."

Ecclesiastes?

I am digging on the OT's wisdom literature right now, especially Ecclesiastes. Granted I'm in a Bible Study on it, but it is amazing stuff! I really think it would be a great starting point for a lot of skeptics. It's eerily modern, and it's got a lot of truth in it. But, Qoheleth says life is pointless outside of God. I think Christian apologists should take note at how seriously he takes the competing views. Q. doesn't get defensive; he just extends them completely through their logical trajectory. Pleasure, hard work, beauty. All meaningless outside of God. So, instead of starting with Jesus loves you; maybe we should start where people are. Because, seriously, who the f cares that Jesus loves you unless you understand what's on the line?

I think I'm onto something here. (I'm always the biggest fan of my ideas; nothing's changed. Nothing is new under the sun!) I think it'd be helpful to believers and unbelievers alike if the church tackled wisdom literature. I think it'd keep church goers a little saltier and give skeptics something they could track with. There are so many laments in the Psalms, but how many are there in modern church services? And, we've got plenty to lament on personal and collective levels.

So, I'm going to dig into Wisdom literature and rave about it to everyone that will listen! Right now, I'm reading through David's life, which goes along well with Ecclesiastes. Life is crazy, and it's easy to lose your bearings.

And, I think I'm going to teach a little seminar on praying the Psalms in December. I'm thinking about how to do it. If you have any pointers, let me know. What is most gripping about the Psalms for you? It's always so bizarre that Jesus prayed them; had them memorized. It's so weird that it's even in there and how rough and tumble the order is. I think I may use Brueggemann's Orientation, Disorientation and Reorientation to order the day. Gratitude, open eyes, open hands, obedient hearts.

new frame: application

This week's hunt has felt radically different than the previous weeks. I feel less like a corporate misfit in the wrong century and more like a person with a definite skill set that has a lot to offer the right organization. I had that phone interview earlier this week that would have sent me into this introspective tailspin in previous weeks, but this week, I could say it was a terrible fit. I'm not who they're looking for and vice versa.

My skills and education are valuable, but I have to be willing to take the time to find the correct place. I also have to be willing to do the research and the work to translate/interpret my work experience into terms valuable to an employer. Both my siblings are in marketing, so I think I have potential to make it happen. The practical working out of this realization has been time.

I'm applying this new found self-knowledge to work in what I'm looking for. If the job seems a reasonable, I then read up on the qualifications and the job description, taking notes of word-choice and what they're really looking for. I then write a cover letter mirroring their language and rewrite my resume in the same manner. It's not that I'm changing any of the experience; I'm interpreting it so that they can perceive the relevance. For instance, teaching demonstrates a lot of skills: leadership, communication skills, organization, creativity, problem-solving, meeting goals, etc. I now decide which aspect to highlight according to what they need.

The past two jobs I've applied to have taken around four hours to apply with the new process. Hopefully, I'll get faster. But, I rationalize it by: a) I'm unemployed and have the time, b) my odds of hearing back from these people are vastly increased, c) I'm laying the groundwork for future applications. I'm going to have a lot of cover letters and resumes with the information I'll need to quickly translate. I'm creating a bank of skills and experience for hopefully fairly similar jobs.

I'm far less frustrated with this line of attack... at this point. Every application doesn't feel like a Hail Mary. I no longer feel like I'm begging for a favor. Rather, I am finding the right place to use my skills and be myself.

new frame: adjectives and rejection in reverse order

I checked my email right after posting my answers. In my inbox, I had a rejection notice from a phone interview I had today. The interview went well, but by the end of it, I realized I wasn't a good fit. I am overqualified in experience, intelligence and education. It was for a nonprofit. I had to ask the poor guy to clarify every question because his were utterly vague. I think that's the problem with his nonprofit too-- you can't be all things to all people... unless you're God. Plus, he asked some illegal questions about personal life. I was talking to my mom afterwards and her take was, "run it by your sister and cousin." (My sister is a MBA and my cousin is a JD.) I really need to pray because I'm in a very bizarre space of wanting to transition in a terrible job market.

adjectives:
creative/imaginative: in a problem-solving, new frame/metaphor kind of way. Not a glitter and crayon kind of way.
intelligent: quick learner/processor, good problem solver
outgoing/amiable: enjoy working with others, fine talking with strangers
autonomous (need to work on this): I'm capable of coming up with ideas/strategies/etc.
flexible: deal well with change
humorous: find humor and make jokes (puns mostly)
verbal: write and talk well
energetic: sometimes because of running and sometimes because of coffee
interested/curious: in people, ideas, most anything really-- and will work to figure it out
dependable: in three years at my job, I ran five minutes late once. And, I was still there before my students. if I say I'll do it, I'll do it even if it means staying up all night.
reflective: especially when teaching, think about what I did, what went well and didn't go well, figure out why and how to improve.

new frame: who am I? stabbed

So, after pondering answering the questions, I actually sat down Monday morning with coffee as my only distraction and answered them. I thought about the answers mostly in terms of work, but, of course, that is intertwined with lifestyle. And, sometimes I just get off track. But, nothing is lost. This is very raw and I'm very naked. It reminds me of a worksheet on similes I did in first or second grade that my mom still has. My family haven't stopped teasing me about my answers: "as quiet as a glass of milk, as cute as a kitten, as pretty as my mom, and as smart as me."

What do I love to do?
wake up early, run, walk, hike, plan a lesson, figure out how to explain something, create metaphors and comparisons, figure out what to teach, lead discussions, ask questions, listen (learning this but liking it), encourage people, research, make connections between seemingly disparate things, brainstorm, write, read, make lists, laugh and make people laugh

What have I always done?
read (or be read to), discuss (sermons, drivers, books, colors, everything), play, write, go on adventures, like old people, play outside rambunctiously, emotional, intuitive, quick, goal-oriented, competitive/judgmental/want to be the best, dislike being micro-managed, need a list to stay on task, like adventure and challenge (climbing trees), cooking

What do I do better than most people? (there's no way to avoid sounding like an ass on this one)
run, express myself verbally except about emotion: written and oral, think off the cuff, see connections, make metaphor, research, quickness (making decisions, walking, completing tasks, thinking), research, explanations, having convictions and opinions, laughing, puns/silliness, adventure, resilience

What did I want to do as a child?
be a teacher, be pretty, have a husband and children, be a lawyer, be a scientist, have lots of money, be a writer, travel to the jungle, fly

What gives me great satisfaction?
good discussion/conversation (deep and funny), pondering ideas, seeing something in a new light, being successful in a new adventure, completion, friendship, laughter, compliments, being quoted, seeing my encouragement be put to use, being a member of a team with a specific goal but different tasks, leading, getting people to think (differently), brainstorming

What do I talk to people about?
what I'm reading, what I'm doing, what they're doing or reading, politics, ideas, running/exercise, food, weather, books, Scripture, history, God, morality, art, meaning, humor, literature, complete randomness

That's enough for now. But, I highly recommend this exercise. Sometimes, we're too close to ourselves.

from Sacred Space's Something to think about while you pray

"God is mystery - the nameless One I cannot grasp or comprehend. Sometimes that mystery seems never-ending, and no matter how I try to penetrate it, I am left simply in a kind of dark unknowing. This may be so, even though I find myself still drawn to long for God, to desire what is totally beyond me, and say ‘you’ in the face of the ever-greater mystery. That chasm, that abyss, between me and the One to whom I am drawn, is perhaps expressed best in the words the prophet heard, ‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, my ways not your ways – it is the Lord who speaks.Yes, the heavens are as high above earth as my ways are above your ways, my thoughts above your thoughts’ (Isaiah 55:8-9).
And yet, despite that great distancing, there is, most wonderfully, the greatest nearness – God close to me, approaching me in the person of Jesus, and entering into the house of my heart. For what is ungraspable and utter mystery is also coming close in Christ, speaking my name, whispering wordless words of truth and love into my being. I have said ‘you’ into the darkness, because already I have been approached and addressed myself as ‘you’. Within the deepest mystery, there is a meeting, an encounter, a conversation, a prayer. As Saint Augustine wrote, ‘God is nearer to me than I am to myself, more intimate to me than my inmost being’.

"Lord Jesus, the darkness I experience is not darkness at all, but the light of your coming close to me. Let me therefore, in my prayer, realise how you never leave me, but are with me, in faithful love."

Beautiful. Mystery. Via negativa a la Gregory of Nyssa. God is holy and so beyond our every perimeter, yet knows each of us better than we know ourselves and chooses to live within and transform us into his image. It's beyond frightening and beyond comforting. God's "withness" is overwhelming. He doesn't promise us happiness but His presence. I'm studying Psalms and Ecclesiastes right now, and God's sovereignty and his intimacy make me cry. He loves each one of us so much with such an efficacious loving kindness. Our minds would implode/explode as would our hearts if we could understand it. It doesn't eliminate pain and suffering; it supersedes it. God is always the bigger, eternal reality. And, he has won, is winning and will win. We still live in a broken, sick, fragmented, evil world, but Emmanuel has come. God gives us worship and prayer as little glimpses into the ultimate reality that we're a part of but do not see fully. I forget all of this so easily.

new frame: who am I?

I went to meet with my university's alumni career counselor, Linda Conklin. It proved to be a truly encouraging, invigorating experience. I came out feeling hopeful with a concrete plan. Not a plan that I'm going to land my dream job next month, but a plan that I know where I'm heading and feel more in control. Going into it, I was prepared to hear how to "fix" my education (Classics and Church History) and my experience (teaching 7th grade, living abroad, being a secretary). But, she said none of that. She said I have to work from whom I am and go from there. These are the steps I'm working on now from her book Career Coach: Getting the Right Job Right Now.

1. Ask yourself these key questions. (It's important to be as specific as possible. For example: with what do I do better than most people: If you're my sister: I can take complex numerical data and turn it into a story in order to explain it. Or for me, I'm really good at aggregating disparate information and seeing pattern and connection-- crazy people and Malcolm Gladwell are good at this too.):

What do I love to do?

What have I always done?

What do I do better than most people?

What did I do when I was a child?

What gives me great satisfaction?

What one thing do I organize my life around?

What do I talk to people about?

Where do I spend my free time?

What books and magazines do I read?

When I am at my best, what am I doing?

What would I regret if I did not do it?

What do I need to be happy?

Aren't those hard?

2. Come up with ten adjectives to describe yourself.

3. Explore your "unexpected wisdom". What do you know that you learned from an unwanted/unintended experience? Everybody's an expert in some area that is applicable to other people's needs. Chances are if you have food allergies, you are an expert on recipes without gluten or nuts or peanuts. If you have a medical abnormality (whether it just makes you odd or it's a disability): for instance, I have really loose joints, which, ironically, makes it hard to stretch. I had a friend who was 4'10"; she had some really funny (and painful) stories. But, she had adapted to adult life and having strangers pick her up to see how much she weighed. Or can it be even more banal, such as my running. I've been running since 9th grade. Just from sheer experience, I know a lot about running from different surfaces, to injuries, to diet, to hydration techniques, to safety, etc. Same can be said about reading, esp. specific genres. Or, my mom is an expert on single parenting, which comes in really handy as a Principal talking with parents. The career counselor herself got into career counseling from having moved 12 times with her husband's job. Each move entailed a new job search. Voila. And, extremely applicable to other people. Plus, it helped she had corporate training experience. And, I'm coming from a Christian perspective, so I believe there's a pattern to our experience, education and desires that is forming us into specific people that are unique and valuable to God and others.

4. Come up with a 30 second commercial about yourself. I thought this was kind of hokey until Wednesday night when it would have been really helpful. I was at an alumni event where we had to go around and introduce ourselves with our year and what we did and where we worked. I panicked and ended up fibbing. I just said what I was doing last year. I said I was a 7th grade teacher at blah de blah. So, I felt badly about lying, and I got no potential networking accomplished. So, I've been working on this one. So far I have,"I'm a teacher transitioning from 7th grade into adult education and project consulting. I'm working with the Schiele Museum as a consultant on Hunger Games and several nonprofits with tutoring and small classes." It needs tweaking: it's honest without saying I'm unemployed. I am working but in volunteer capacities. I also need to come up with one more social about training for a marathon and probably one a little more spiritual for churchy events. But, I usually freeze when people say, "Tell me a little about yourself." Because where do you start? But, I need to be a little more savvy and tell them what they need to hear about me.

Irony Alert

100% Whole Wheat Potato Bread


Is it me?

Oddly enough, it tastes good.

PRETTY TOES AND A NICE VOICE IS A MUST!!!

Ridiculous is this day! I discovered something amazing today: one can earn a Master's in Career Counseling from 41 different institutions in the United States. Seriously? What do you read: want ads or Aristotle? Do you get a magic 8 ball when you graduate? I'm all for professional degrees, but can we call them something else please? It's the same way I feel about gay marriage. I think equal rights for partners, but let's call it something else.

It made me think of a stanza of one of my favorite poems (Wendell Berry of course!):

"To be sane in a mad time
is bad for the brain, worse
for the heart. The world
is a holy vision, had we clarity
to see it-- a clarity that men
depend on men to make."

Finding out about a Master's in Career Counseling made me feel so irrelevant with my background in liberal arts... and my love of poetry and running and all things esoteric. I felt so not useful. Then, I remembered this poem. I think this is a profound definition of church: community that allows holy vision and clarity. I reminder of who we really are in Christ.

really good spam

I've become sensitive and more interested in spam ever since my email account got hacked and I sent out hundreds links to penis enlargement pills. Today I got an email with the subject line, My Preposition, in my spam box. So, I had to open it. It simply read, "Read important business message from Mr. Christopher Hayward Davis below." I was so tempted to open it and find out what preposition belonged to Mr. Christopher Hayward Davis. Was it "of" or "to" or "by" or "with"? But I resisted the temptation to hit the link.

cell phone gone mobile: a cautionary tale

Last night I went on a ten mile run. It was after seven, so Grace asked me to take my cell phone with me in case it got too dark. ( Or, if I'd bitten off more than I could chew.) So, I tucked my blackberry into the back of my jog bra between my shoulder blades where I thought it'd be least noticeable. I was afraid that it might fall out of the bottom while crossing a busy road and I wouldn't hear or feel it. Turns out, that was the wrong fear.

About 2.5 miles into the run, I came across a toilet on the side walk that reminded me of Skeeter's stunt in The Help. Plus, it belonged more in my hometown than in front of this posh address: juxtaposition. I pulled out my phone to take a picture. My phone had little drops of sweat over it. So, when I put it back in it's slot, I put the back to my back and the phone to the material, thinking that would prevent any dampness problems.

My loop was proving to be eminently doable: it was neither hot nor hilly, and I was well rested having been slack earlier in the week. I got to around mile eight and realized it was dark. I got out my (now drenched) phone to alert Grace I was going to finish the run even though it was dark--that I was almost back. I hit the call button. Nothing happened. So, I hit the power button. Nothing. My brain sighed, "I should have seen this coming." Then, I was glad I wasn't whipping out the phone because I'd pulled a hammie. Then, I was nervous that it would. never. work. again. Eek. I don't have insurance on it.

I woke up in the middle of night, stretched my back and played with my phone. Again, nothing. Then, my alarm went off. Relief! Then, I went to hit "dismiss". I pressed the button multiple times. Nothing. Yet, the alarm kept alarming. There was no five minute snooze. I stuffed in socks in my sock drawer to let it wear itself out. Tonight it's semi-responsive. I have hope it will go back to normal.

Moral of the story: put your phone in a ziplock before you put it next to your sweaty flesh in a workout!