Lent Reflections #1

The heart of Lent for me can be summed up with three verses from the Granddaddy of the penitential Psalms (51):
Create in me a clean heart, O God.
Restore a steadfast spirit within me.

Cast me not from your presence
Take not your Holy Spirit from me.

Renew the joy of your salvation within me.
Uphold me with a willing spirit.

Giving up something for Lent is not mere sacrifice but movement toward Jesus; it’s a response to Jesus’ invitation (as is all of the Christian life): “Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden light,” Matthew 11:28-30.

But before we can take on Jesus’s burdens and yoke we have to rid ourselves of the ones we already have. Think of Christians as pilgrims on a journey, and each one takes out two-pound's worth out of his or her sack and leaves it on the side of road so she can travel just that more easily. It’s not a lot of weight, but it makes a difference psychologically. She starts to hike at a faster pace—and realizes she never really needed the thing.

What I gave up (some foods and FaceBook) serve as distractions in my life, and weigh me down. They take up too much mental real estate—and in case of the food, money. They’re things I’m aware I needed to monitor but hadn’t bothered to do.

The clean food also works for a metaphor for other parts of my life: how often I prefer junk food to healthy food, which is ultimately a habit. As I ate a fruit salad this week, I realized it tasted far better than ice cream and wouldn’t feel any guilt because the food served a purpose beyond tasting good. I need to spend my time on fruit salad vs. ice cream: people versus stuff, eternal versus transient. I think the yoke Jesus refers to is obedience and the burden is love for others. The journey towards Jesus is reclaiming our hearts for good and true things (a.k.a. a clean heart):
“Teach us to care and not to care
Teach us to sit still
Even among these rocks
Our peace in His will.”
-T.S. Eliot in “Ash Wednesday”

My mother and I always go to the Benedictine Monastery’s Ash Wednesday service. It’s a deep, heavy service… in the best possible way. The abbot’s homily was far too much for one sitting. The thought from it that has taken root is: most often we pray for God to change people and situations, we rarely pray for God to change us. Lent is a time to acknowledge our deep need for Jesus and our desperate need to be changed.

“Christ is the way out, and the way in: the way from slavery, conscious or unconscious, into liberty; the way from the unhomeliness of things to the home we desire but do not know….” -George McDonald

(Most of the quotations come from Even Among These Rocks by Steven Purcell. It is the absolute best devotion on Lent.)

SportyMon: Water

My Spring Green Nalgene

I'd forgotten how good I feel when properly hydrated. Now that I'm that I'm doing the 8-week fitness challenge, I can't live in denial. When I went for my pre-challenge assessment, I scored a -.95. The director told me to go home and drink some water. And, I did.

I'm now trying to drink at least 96 ounces a day and 128 a day when I run.

How much water do I need?
I'd always read 64 ounces a day, which never made sense to me because people are so different. Then, I came across this formula that takes into account weight.
1. Your weight x .5= ounces of water you should drink a day.
Ex. A person weighing 150 lbs. should drink 75 ounces of water a day.

2. When you workout, you should drink at least 20 ounces more per hour of exercise. If possible it's good to drink 7-10 ounces 30 minutes before working out and 10 ounces afterwards. My personal trainer textbook suggests drinking a low calorie sports drink instead of straight water. I prefer just water.

3. If you drink a lot of caffeinated drinks, you'll need to add water to balance the diuretic effect of coffee and soda.

Equipment:

Water bottle.
I find the more convenient something is the more likely I am to do it. So, I bought a wide-mouthed Nalgene bottle. It cost $10, is dishwasher safe, doesn't leak, and made in the USA. However, it is plastic, but not your normal plastic.

Challenge:

1. Using the bathroom more.

This is the reason I stopped drinking water. I couldn't use the bathroom when I taught. Well, before and after school. So, take this into consideration when you plan on drinking your water. Also, when I'm properly hydrated, I get up at least once a night to use the bathroom-- I immediately fall back to sleep.

My Cross Country coaches in high school told us we should use the bathroom every class change if we were properly hydrated. Class changes were every hour.

2. Lack of flavor

Add flavor. The most natural weigh is with lemon or lime or mint leaves. But, now you can buy Crystal Light or Gatorade or generic flavor packets.

Benefits:

1. Feel better.
I seem to have more energy, less tired (is that redundant?) and feel lighter when I'm drinking water.

2. Skin looks better.
Drinking water is moisturizing from the inside. Your complexion will look clearer.

3. Appetite suppressant.
Often times when dehydrated, you'll read a thirst cue as a hunger cue. Water has fewer calories and costs less than food.

4. Increased athletic and mental performance.
You'll body will fatigue at a slower rate. The human body is about 70% water-- it just functions better with water. Apparently, water helps with mental fatigue as well (glycogen helps with this as well). As any athlete will tell you, the mental part of a workout or race is the toughest part.

clandestine

I'm having to be stealthy about the web nowadays. I've moved to a place with no internets. Sadness, I know. So, I'm left to coffee shops, but I've given up coffee for Lent (there's always tea for old people and me). I also have the more nefarious ways-- a pirate sit in parking lots.

I plan to post on GK Chesterton's Father Brown mysteries and Lent (I'm doing the Daniel Fast again and deactivated my account on Facebook).

Job update: I have three applications out for teaching positions out for next year but nothing short term as of now. Moving has thrown a wrench into my business plan.

Thrown bones

So, some days are rough. My brother said to me: "You're to emotion what monotone is to voice." We both started laughing. He has a point, and I don't know what to do about it. I'm naturally intense, but now the intensity is rubbed raw making it all the more intense. Yeehaw. Anyway, I'm struggling for joy.

Some days, I pray, "Throw me a bone." I feel it's a variation on the woman asking for scraps from the table. And, the three bones I've received recently:

The movie Hugo is phenomenal. It's a feel-good movie with some really cool literary devices. It's also nominated for the most Oscars. It's a kids' movie in the same manner Narnia is.

These two quotations:

"Everything that happens to you is your teacher:
The secret is to learn to sit at the feet of your own life and be taught by it.
Everything that happens is either a blessing which is also a lesson,
or a lesson which is also a blessing."
- Polly Berrien Berends, Quaker author

‎"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle."

day one

Day one of Fitness challenge plus Daniel Fast. So far, so good. I still need to run, but I have a lot of the food that I'll need to make a go of the nutrition side. I even bought a Nalgene to replace the ones I've lost. Water is going to be key. I miss working. I'm also going to keep track of the connection between job and fitness and spiritual/psyche health.

weltschmerz to joy

Weltschmerz: Must Speak Bhutanese

My routine: find out about a job. Apply: write a cover letter and rework an existing resume after researching the company/organization. Wait. Interview. Wait. Somewhere during the process I generally fall in love with the job, and daydream about doing the job. What would I wear? Would I eat lunch at my desk? The process can stop prematurely at any stage. My latest crush ended at 12:11 this afternoon with a “we decided to offer the job to a Bhutanese speaking interpreter we are waiting for the approval of the NC state office. If the status changes we will call you back.”

But, I have to say this was one of the best rejections I’ve received. What do you say to that? I don’t know Spanish let alone Bhutanese; it’s a major oversight in my education. And, I thought I was specialized.


Rejection and failure happen on a regular basis, especially when you’re an idealist. Germans Romantics even coined a word for it: weltschmerz. They added the German words “world” + “pain” to get “worldpain”. According to Merriam-Webster online, there are two definitions:
1. mental depression or apathy caused by comparison of the actual state of the world with an ideal state
2. a mood of sentimental sadness.

Of course, there’s a time and place for sentimental sadness when dealing with rejection as any teenager will demonstrate. I had a friend who had a three-day rule with a breakup that he learned from his grandmother. According to him, one is allotted three days of moping misery, and one must put her all into the grief because that’s all you get.

Apathy is definitely a popular option. Disengagement has a lot of different routes whether drugs or chosen ignorance or denial.

There are also really great platitudes to use as a mantras to beef up your will power: “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”– Confucius. There’s also work one can put into the front end of rejection and failure. It’s what my sister constantly reminds me to do: manage my expectations. She says I need to be realistic about myself and others. There is a place for cautious optimism emphasis on cautious. She reminds me that there are too many variables in any situation that I don’t know and have no control over.

However, when I opened my Bhutanese rejection, I laughed. Mirth. Yet another option. How ridiculous is this? I’m tired of getting “overqualified” as a reason for not getting a job. It is hard to argue with someone who says “life is pain” because they have a lot of evidence to settle his case. But, maybe I should start thinking in terms of “life is strange” because strangeness allows for room to be shocked and laugh.

Two weeks ago, I was miring in Weltschmerz. Lingering in it. My entire life was feeling like unjust punishment. A Wendell Berry line functioned as my lifeline out of the mental quicksand:
“…Laugh.

Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful

though you have considered all the facts.” (Manifesto: Mad Farmer Liberation Front)

The Bhutanese clause jolted me out of the week’s funk. It reminded me that my life is a comedy because we are guaranteed a happy ending. It reminded me that I’m owed nothing and know very little. It also gave me hope: if someone can find a job because of Bhutanese then there’s bound to be a job for me using my wacky, miscellaneous skills, experiences and education. Right? Granted, there aren’t refugees in need of Latin and Ancient Greek... unless the zombie movies are for real. Then, I could be the zombie whisperer.

I’m attending a class on the fruits of the Spirit. As coincidence would have it, this past Wednesday was on joy. Of course, there was a differentiation made between joy and happiness. It was also mentioned that the Spiritual fruits were more in line with character traits than with emotion. In the same way God is love and peace, we are to become love, peace, joy, gentleness and etc. It’s hard to wrap my head around joy as a character trait, but I know I’ve encountered people who have joy deeply woven into their soul. And, it’s different than happiness and luck and optimism. I’m thinking mostly of older people who have had rough lives; they earned the right to be bitter. But joy is who they are—it’s in line with gentleness, peace and self-control.

But, we have “to struggle for joy.” It brought me to the ubiquitous concept of dialectic in seminary. Joy is hard earned; it isn’t a default setting. Joy has stiff competition: anger, bitterness, and apathy. But, joy, like enjoyment in Ecclesiastes, is ultimately a gift. It is unattainable on our own striving. Ah, the alchemy of faith, obedience, and grace. Laughter, gratitude, hope, and kindness are all part of the arsenal that help us struggle towards joy—confidence in a big and good God… even after having considered all the facts.

*http://luc.devroye.org/bhutan.html (image address)

How I know I'm Southern...

My aunt fixed a scrumptious dinner tonight. My mom brought delectable wine. I did my part by thoroughly enjoying everyone's efforts. I was even late. Aunt said, "So, you wanted to feel like a princess, did you?" And, I kind of did... in an under cover way.

When we discussed my gig, we talked for over five minutes about hands and cuticles. My mom gave me some hand lotion out of her pocket book and my aunt told me to massage my cuticles with the cream and sleep in cotton gloves. Paper and filing are apparently the Anti-Christ of a good manicure. This is how I know I'm Southern. And, they approved of my smart outfit (chocolate brown merino turtleneck, brown tweed skirt that I made, my "riding" boots, and pearl earrings).

As for the job, it's eminently doable. The people are from a different tribe, but they are nice. My tribe/clan has suffered from diaspora-- come back, tribe, come back to me. Me lonely. Vancouver, Kingston, Boston, Seattle, DC, Austin, Iowa, seriously, when you could live in the QC with me? I am here roughing it with bad cuticles.

I really want to join a community garden that's convenient. The one I've found is a thirty minute drive one-way. Yowsers. And, you don't eat the food-- you give it away. Double yowsers. I'd want to at least sample the yumminess. Mark my words, I may not get married or have children, but I will have a goat before I die. Dream big, right?

I really want to have an urban farm. Maybe underneath my tweed, there's an unkempt hippy protesting the injustice of materialism and my misguided life. Give me goats or give Wal-Mart! And, I want a chicken coop, blueberries and tomatoes. That would be the beginning. What a fantastic beginning. I'd invite you over for breakfast, and while we ate organic oatmeal and sipped piping hot coffee, the goat would wake us up with her delightful, goatish antics.


1. fixed for cooked

oatmeal breakfast bars

Not Granola Bars!!!! Warning!!! Not Granola Bars!!!

It's like anything vegan. It's similar to the disappointment of watching a movie after you've read the amazingly awesome book. However, if you just took the movie on its own terms, you'd be fine. It'd be one of your favorites... but not compared to your imagination+book's awesomeness.

These are fruity sweet. They have an interesting texture (maybe because I cooked them too long). They are filling. Plus, KEY: they're really easy to make and easy to experiment and change. I took the Oatmeal Breakfast Bars Recipe.

Substitutions: I used flax seeds instead of flax seed meal, apple sauce in lieu of oil and egg. I used raisins as my dried fruit and raw walnuts as my nut. And, I put them in a pan then cut them after they were cooked as you can tell from the picture.




I'll report tomorrow to see how they function as breakfast bars and taste not hot.

So far I'm a fan.

showbiz for ugly people

Have you ever heard "Politics is showbiz for ugly people"? Apparently, Sonny Bono said that the actors looks were the only difference between Hollywood and DC. I think he was right, except for the exceptions. Romney, Pelosi and some others are nice looking. I'm wondering if there's a limitation to how ugly you can be in the age of TV: I think Newt Gingrich and Harry Reid are testing the boundaries out for us.

News is entertainment, and entertainment is diversion. It serves as validation of your world view whether you watch CNN or Fox news. I have to say I've gotten to the point Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are my favorites, and I like behavioral economics over straight economics. The psychology behind economics is far more interesting. American politics is a circus and should be treated as such.

Here's a clip from an interview with one of the Freakanomics authors, Stephen Dubner: The President Matters Much Less than We Think regarding the economy. I think it's worth the six minutes. He's basically saying that politics aren't rational or logical when it comes to economics-- and I believe that. Politics have little to do with logic. Politics runs deeper; it's as deep as how you see the world. I read a study that Americans are more passionate about politics than about religion, and that sounds about right.

As I am being bombarded with political mumbo-jumbo from all sides, I'm realize that politics really is entertainment... diversion. The economy is tough right now; international politics are rocky. Uncertainty wreaks havoc on the human psyche. And, I guess, aligning yourself with a side gives a sense of certainty. At least you know who the good guys and bad guys are.

The Veritas article arguing cogently that our bipartisan system is two sides of the same coin convinced me that our politics are silly. We presented two options: big government or big business. Clearly, the answer lies in neither choice. We need a new framework for questions in order to provide real answers. The useful answers will probably be small, local, common sense, low budget options that center on individuals caring about their neighbors and taking action.

All the shenanigans taking place in the races of elections that take 9 months from now are convincing me that I should get less caught up in the marketing campaigns of federal politicians and get more involved in local politics. Should one even vote when it feels like voting for the most popular movie star in Hollywood?

Harper's Rules Reviewed

My aunt gave me a copy of Harper's Rules by Danny Cahill about finding love and a job. He connects the two in a novel/self-help hybrid. I appreciate the attempt at a story device even if I don't think Cahill will be nominated for a Pulitzer for his effort. The characters are flat and remain that way. The dialogue is so bad that it made me laugh (that's a compliment, I guess). There's no intrigue-- nothing is left to the reader. Everything is s-p-e-l-l-e-d out. Everything. It must be something to do with the business style of writing-- emphasis on clarity rather than, say, style.

Synopsis:

Harper the brilliant, egotistic head hunter is helping his former client Casey out of a hard spot. Casey's about to lose her job, which Harper finds out through his sheer awesomeness. Casey, a recent divorcee, resigns her job (a no-no) but Harper already has some interviews lined up for her. Voila, Harper writes chapters, texts and chats her through finding her dream job and man. Please note all my cliches, they were inspired by the book.

The cardboard nature of the plot and characters isn't what got me through the 140 page book. There's actually some good advice. I bracketed some sections and put a couple of asterisks in the margins next to some useful pointers.

1. "You haven't committed yet to your career. Down deep you are waiting for a sign, for enough good things to happen to you to justify making a commitment. But, it doesn't work that way. You have to commit first, and then, because you have committed, good things come to you." (p.142)

Cliched, yes. True, yes. Relevant to my professional and personal life, yes.

2. TIme to leave Diagnostic Questions (pp.9-11)

One question: Was it ever what you really wanted?
Another: How many times a day do you laugh during the day?
Another: Do you believe what they tell you at work?
Another: Do you like the work but feel uncomfortable in the culture?

He takes these excellent questions and unpacks them concisely. And, as you can see, they work for a job or a relationship. Brilliant.

3. There's some excellent insight to the interviewing process about the crucial nature of timing and how to express interest.

4. He makes a reference to F. Scott Fitzgerald's concept of the lover and the beloved in a relationship. The power dynamic is in the beloved's favor. And, this reference was believable, satisfying, and sad. Sad because it reminds me of visiting my sister while she was in business school. She and some of her fellow MBAers were just short of brilliant and well-read, but they drank like fish. There's a poetic soul insulated by a cynical, practical shell.

This book isn't by Tolstoy, that's for sure. But I actually read every page, which is more than I can say for most of this kind of book. Most of the time I'd just skim.

vegan recipes

My ordering at a restaurant

I take food very seriously-- note picture. As we near Lent, I'm deciding to go vegan (except eggs), no caffeine, no sugar. I'm going to do this concurrently with my gym's 8-week fitness challenge-- hence the eggs (I can only eat so many beans and nuts). I'm starting to research meals because eating healthy is expensive, and money isn't my strong suit right now. I'm going to use this as a resource. I need to sign up for the 10k to keep me motivated to run. I'm swimming, doing kettle bells, yoga, etc., but I'm not doing it in a regimented, goal-oriented manner. So, I think planning is key to this venture. Having things on hand (and in pocketbook) is key to success.


Oatmeal Breakfast Bars These look like delicious and healthy snack bars, esp. if you replace the oil with apple sauce. Plus, they have to be cheaper than KIND bars.

Tofu Lettuce Wraps Looks yummy! But, I'm not sure I'll ever make them.

List of Simple Recipes This one serves as good ideas and has lists of alternatives for eggs, butter, etc. It has healthy, easy recipes for mashed potatoes, French toast, and other basics.

The Vegan Stoner A blog with recipes under seven calories.

Eating Well's Vegetarian Recipes

I will report on how the recipes I try turn out!

I'm a little black rain cloud, of course

I’m just a little black rain cloud
hovering under the honey tree,
Only a little black rain cloud,
pay no attention to little me.

Everyone knows that a rain cloud
never eats honey, no, not a nip.
I’m just floating around over the ground,
wondering where I will drip.

–Winnie the Pooh

My little brother loved this skit growing up, and, therefore, he, my sister, and I can sing it.
I'm a little black rain cloud, of course youtube (worth all 2 minutes and 19 seconds!). And, I've been quite the little black rain cloud the past couple of days.

I accepted a job today!!!!

All 4 or 5 days of it. I'll be F-I-L-I-N-G. The company wanted someone who can alphabetize (so, it should actually be fgiiln) and has good hand-writing. And, yea, I know what you're thinking, the wages are commiserate with the job: they suck. But, it's a job. And, it may lead to other jobs... and, I'm not sure if that's a good thing. Hmm.

But I ordered my business cards and it said 14 days until delivery, so I can manage this GLAM (or should I say "aglm") gig in the meantime... before I start hawking my wares. And, I'll feel slightly less indigent.

This afternoon, my little brother said, "I didn't go to college to sweep." I can identify with his angst. I had a similar experience at a florist shop my first year out of college; I started bawling and quit my job within an hour of doing a spectacular job of sweeping. My brother is more even-headed than I: he vented to me.

So, this is to say, I know I can handle 4-5 days of filing. I need to frame it as an adventure. I have to get a criminal background test AND a drug screening in order to get the official offer. We're talking S-E-R-I-O-U-S (eiorssu). (The drug-screening made me nervous-- am I going to need to be high to get through this?) It's in the accounting department-- when else will I get to do espionage in this setting?

I was a dreary black rain cloud talking on the phone with the poor girl trying to land me the job. I said, "FILING?" pause then sigh, "I could probably do that for four days." "It really pays THAT?" To be honest, I need to jot down the fact she didn't hang up on me in my desperately needed but yet to be started Gratitude Journal. I should probably start with a "gratitude index card", I'm a bit of a novice... it'd be less intimidating.

I'm back to praying Psalm 51, I blogged about it here. Last night, I realized I had used up all my emotional reserves and am completely bankrupt when it comes to hope. And, that's okay according to the psalmist... provided I don't commit suicide (maybe even if I do). Steadfast and willing spirits are apparently the work of God. I'll stick to filing and Pooh to collecting honey (ehnoy-- looks like pig latin).