15th reunion

live bluegrass band

classmates' husbands and adorable babies

lots of talking and laughing

25% of my amazing class

great hike.  a favorite back then... and now.

revving up

I'm driving up to DC tomorrow for my 15th high school reunion.  Does time ever fly?  It's weird mental space to remember who I was and my dreams and expectations, and to be 15 years from then.  I don't how much my 17 year-old self would have liked my 32 year-old self.  My life is in no way what I thought it would be.  Heck, I thought I'd have an awesome career and be married with at least one kid.  Instead I have bizarre, useless degrees, have lived in two foreign countries, and am far more uncertain than I ever was in high school.  I'll meditate on things that remained constant.  Running, reading and writing come to mind.  As does friendship and bizarre adventures and goals.

I'm really looking forward to seeing these women that really shaped who I am as girls.  I haven't seen my fellow cross country co-captain for 14 years; I remember sitting in the passenger seat after our post-run 7/11 trips listening to "Freshman" and feeling how relevant it was.  I want to meet the girls' husbands and hold their babies. I'm looking forward to seeing the campus too-- I want to hike to Black Pond like I did when I was a student.  I also want to meet the older women and be encouraged and invigorated by their lives.  The alumnae are my favorite part of the school.  I want to savor the views of the Potomac and remember all the good things I experienced at the school.  Maybe I'll even run the cross country course and feed a carrot to the horses.  The ladies at work warmed my heart since they'll be down a person.  One of them told me, "If nothing else, it will be good to get away."

And, it will.  I'm going to DC for the weekend and spending time with dear friends.  I am blessed.  I was laughing at the fact that our class secretary is missing the reunion because she's in Italy... and the fact that I've never been.  But, then talking with the ladies with whom I work helped me to realize how extravagant and luxurious it is simply to escape routine routine for the weekend.  There'll be a dress up dinner, zip lines, a professional blue grass bands; it's pretty groovy albeit not Italy.  I had the excuse to buy some eye make up and get highlights that were well overdue.

squirt

An older customer came up to the counter and said to me, "Hey Squirt." I've been called Honey, Sweetie, Darling, Dear by customers but never Squirt. Come to think of it, I'm not sure anyone has ever called me Squirt. When he left, he didn't use the standard "thank you" either. He told me to do my best to stay out of trouble. I told him I'd have better luck at it than he. He chuckled and rejoined, "Depends on the kind of trouble as to whether it's fun or not."

 On another note, the storm door's frame has come loose. It about 5 thorough slams into of the door for me to realize that it wasn't my slamming technique as much as a structural problem. I'm sure my keen and timely problem assessment improved the situation. Anyhow, I told my roommate I'd fix it since she went out of town tonight. I called my former deacon and relayed the situation around dinner time. He and his wife arrived in less than thirty minutes. The door was fixed in less than an hour. They were concerned I would be in danger. Good people.

 Homework: I dare you to call someone, preferably an adult, Squirt. Just work it into the conversation and play it off.

my thoughts on amendment one thus far

Reactionary. Amendment One in North Carolina is the so called "Marriage Protection Amendment" or the "Anti-Gay Amendment" depending on which side is spewing. I'm against it. It's an amendment that's parallel to prefacing a comment with "in my opinion" or "I think". It's redundant.

 And, I don't understand how gay unions infringe upon the sanctity of marriage. It's a question of basic morality (basic human rights) that is getting reframed in terms of religion and marriage. A gay man should be able to get insurance for his partner in the same manner a straight man can for his wife. I don't think homosexuality is condoned in Scripture, but it is unilaterally understood to be biblical truth to love your neighbor and the foreigner.

 Now for the interesting part. Why is the amendment up for the vote now? What got us here? Is it the population growth? Is it the poor economy and the need for a scape goat? I'd like to see the social and intellectual history that led to this political byproduct. Frankly, it scares me that this is a legal/political issue in the same manner prayer in schools has been a legal/political issue. Why are we dragging the government into these private matters? I always understood the role of an amendment was to guarantee individual rights, ex. The Bill of Rights are the first ten amendments of the Constitution. The separation of Church and State wasn't to protect the State from the Church from the State. The US was founded by religious dissidents who were being persecuted by the State.

 This brouhaha represents a breakdown in the understanding of the role of government. Or, perhaps, a sad and desperate evolution in the role of government. Is the church being replaced by the state-- is the Church abdicating her authority to the State by actions such as these?

Simple and easy

I was awake until after 3 am last night. I slept in and (mostly) inadvertently missed church. I then went out to lunch with my roommate and out shopping (or window shopping). After much internal debate, I decided to do my long run even though I hadn't slept well and had eaten a large lunch. 'Twas the right decision. I ran 8.64 mile loop, and it rained on me the last 7 minutes of the run-- not too shabby timing wise. The dark clouds put a little pep into my tired steps. Then, I logged it into walkjogrun to discover my run's stats. This site will calculate the distance, pace, and calories burnt. It's a fun, free site; it's exciting to figure out my pace and calories. Then, I watched some mindless television and did laundry.

 This is all to say, that the angst that kept me awake last night didn't creep into my day. My "philosophical" customer's latest gem was that you decided if you're going to have a good or bad day when you wake up. I tried his philosophy by deciding to have a good day, and it worked. I feel with this decision, I had a better time with God. I'm feeling how little self-efficacy I have, and I'm thinking that's maybe the point. We are dependent on God. Maybe deciding to have a good day despite the circumstances is a form of deciding that God is good and powerful-- trustworthy.

Progress

the scarf?

My knitting project is getting longer... and inexplicably wider. I think I'm getting faster. It's nice to have a tangible product. I have my next class tomorrow night, so I will try to get at least another 5 rows done. It'd be awesome if I got 20 rows done! Bam, I'd show the preacher's wife. Ha. ha. ha.

My speed work out went splendidly. Yay :) I think 7:21 wasn't fast enough for the speed workouts; I ended doing 1.5 extra, adding incline and lowering the speed. I'm interested to see how the tempo workout goes on Thursday. Tomorrow I'm not going to do the 5-7 miles. I'd like to swim and/or row for an hour to get the cardio but save the pounding on my legs. We shall see.

I found my one-year bible while unpacking my books. I've been reading Joshua in tandem with Luke. Joshua's all busy slaughtering people and Jesus is besting Pharisees in battles of wit. It's an interesting juxtaposition and explains why Augustine and others were so keen on nonliteral interpretations of scripture. How are you supposed to read God ordained genocide? It makes sense to apply it in terms of rooting out sin: Ananaius and Sapphira style in the NT.

Progress is slow and tedious... a lot like knitting. But, every once in a while you catch a glimpse of change or improvement that makes it worthwhile.

And, finances are feeling more doable. I'm not sure how I'm going to accomplish them, but I now have concrete goals.

time travel... or why I enjoy my temporary job

the counter Insert me behind the counter with one to four other women with 2 to 30 customers milling around in front of it... and, voila, you have a visual of my job. I'm a bean counter, or, I guess, technically a bean weigher. We sell beans in four ounce increments, the beans are in the bins in front of the counter. It'd be pretty easy to steal a few. The glass jars on the shelves house the seeds, which is sold mostly in quarter of an ounce increments.

the sidewalk Note the flowers. The flowers are priced differently than the vegetables with which I work. That can be a little annoying. Flowers cost more than vegetables. You can get three baby Silver Queen corn stalks for $1.29 and a gerbera daisy costs $4.99. That doesn't seem quite fair. Today I bought a Juliet tomato plant for 3.89-- it will produce 600-700 grape tomatoes this season. Seriously, what's the little daisy going to do-- sit there and wilt. The vegetable side is far cooler.

the alley This is the "getaway". If you've had one too many ornery customers in a row, this is where you go. It's a working break in the same vein as a working vacation. You can water the plants and organize and take a breather from annoying people. I have no scientific data to prove this statement, but I think there's something therapeutic in being surrounded by living organisms. I like working with plants. It's fun to watch a plant perk up after watering it. But, on the other side, it's frustrating to watch customers break the seedlings trying to get the plant they perceive is the best. This one culprit complained to me, "You have a lot of broken plants." I replied, "Well, it's because customers break them trying to get one in the back." She said no more.

Overall, I enjoy our customers. Farmers and gardeners are patient-- if not by nature than through experience. One regular customer told me that he only expends energy on things that produce good after I thanked him for waiting so patiently. He went on to talk about how little control he has and he chooses to exert his control in that manner. Needless to say, I like seeing him. Then, we have people who are beyond nit picky. I just leave them be with the tomatoes or bell peppers. This one guy wanted to argue with me that the golden bell peppers were more orange than they were yellow. Dude, seriously. I'm glad I wasn't watering plants because I'd have squirted him with the hose. Then one guy told me how terrible the sweet potatoes looked, and I told him that I wasn't going to hold a gun to his head and make him buy them.

But, I come home socialized and tired. I really, really, really enjoy the ladies with whom I work. They are fantastic; I have a lot to learn from them about attitude and diligence.

HM goal and plan

I've decided to run a half marathon this summer and that I want a decent finish. My goal is 1:45 or an 8:01 pace. I found a Runner's World training calculator that helped me figure out what paces I need to be running my training runs in to reach this goal. Plus, I found this 8-week HM training schedule on Tuck's website. I think I'm going to do the speed/tempo/long runs from the advanced workout and cross train (swim, row, lift, yoga, and/or do some class) on the other days. I'm starting on week 3 because I only have 6 weeks to train. We shall see. According to this plan, I will be running 4x800 tomorrow at a 7:21 pace, Thursday I'll be doing a tempo run 4x10-12 min at a 7:50 pace. Trying to run specific times means I'm going to be using a treadmill or getting a snazzier watch. But, I'm finding this motivating. I'm going to have to workout before work this week. We'll see how that goes.

... for they shall see God

‎...for they shall see God

Christ risen was rarely
recognized by sight.
They had to get beyond the way he looked.
Evidence stronger than
his voice and face and footstep
waited to grow in them, to guide
their groping from despair,
their stretching toward belief.

We are as blind as they
until the opening of our deeper eyes
shows us the hands that bless
and break our bread,
until we finger
wounds that tell our healing,
or witness a miracle of fish
dawn-caught after our long night
of empty nets. Handling
his Word, we feel his flesh,
his bones, and hear his voice
calling our early-morning name.

Luci Shaw

Luci's words are far more eloquent and wise than any I could muster. Happy Easter!

I found one more Easter tidbit I liked:

‎"At its core, the Christian belief in Christ’s resurrection defies all natural explanations. It is not, strictly speaking, a reasonable claim, but it does not oppose reason so much as transcend it. Humans did not rise from the dead with any greater frequency in Jesus’ time than in our own; the miracle of resurrection was as astounding then as now. And while his resurrection was both prophesied centuries in advance, and contemporaneously attested to by many eyewitnesses, there is no natural accounting for the fact. It remains, millennia later, a mystery – one that has outlasted heresies and corruptions, opposition and apathy".
– Cherie Harder, Trinity Forum

Katniss expansion

Katniss Everdeen has caused quite a stir. Here's a review of other amazing chicks in books. Greatest Girl Characters in YA Lit

Here's a blog post by my favorite fashion blogger: Starts with a K, where her outfit pays homage to Katniss, and she suggests books that are similar to the Hunger Games series.

After having watched the Hunger Games movie and being disappointed, the friend with me pointed out, "It could have been much worse." He was right, but I suggest watching Winter's Bone. I feel that the stories have extremely similar themes, plots, and characters. The main difference is setting: the Ozark mountains in the modern times.

My favorite part of the Hunger Games movie has been the soundtrack. Here's the playlist:

1. "Abraham's Daughter" by Arcade Fire
2. "Tomorrow Will Be Kinder" by The Secret Sisters
3. "Nothing to Remember" by Neko Case
4. "Safe & Sound" by Taylor Swift featuring The Civil Wars
5. "The Ruler & The Killer" by Kid Cudi
6. "Dark Days" by Punch Brothers
7. "One Engine" by The Decemberists
8. "Daughter's Lament" by Carolina Chocolate Drops
9. "Kingdom Come" by The Civil Wars
10. "Take the Heartland" by Glen Hansard
11. "Come Away to the Water" by Maroon 5 featuring Rozzi Crane
12. "Run Daddy Run" by Miranda Lambert ft Pistol Annies
13. "Rules" by Jayme Dee
14. "Eyes Open" by Taylor Swift
15. "Lover is Childlike" by The Low Anthem
16. "Just a Game" by Birdy

My favorite tracks are 3,10, 13, and 16, but I like most of them.

heartbreak and/or new beginning

I didn't get my dream job, which sucks. I've cried for at least two hours, and some of it was in public. I'm glad it's allergy season because I could play off my red eyes and nose. My poor aunt had to have lunch with me just after I found out. She was a champ. And I had appointments to get my hair cut and my eyebrows done. So, I came out looking significantly better and a little pampered. And, I stopped by the JL warehouse, and all the thrift clothes were 30% off for Easter. Nothing says resurrection like a sale.

My heart is still broken, but I realized if I can't land that teaching job, then I should definitely look for something else. It's as my aunt said that the universe was trying to tell me something with all the closed doors. But, what else? She also told me that I was feeling sorry for myself, and I agreed with her. She's right. But, I need to look outside the box. It's hard not to take it personally and figure out what's wrong with me. I keep waiting for rejection to get easier. Instead I need to figure out, do I move so I can use my master's? In what other fields do I make sense? I had a conversation this week about DC, and my high school reunion is coming up... in DC. Maybe it's a sign.

People frequently make the comparisons between landing a job and finding a boyfriend. I have no problems with being single for the most part, but being without a job isn't an option. I'm glad I've found this temporary job, but it's also depressing to realize that this is the only job I've been offered in quite a while. I wonder where God is in all of this. I've heard plenty of platitudes during this, and I realize people talk even when they have no clue what they're talking about. I'm guilty. Right now I don't have the imagination or energy to think about my future, but I will.