I'm such a 4 year-old. I had a temper tantrum last night-- crying and lamenting how much I hate my job. I chatted with my sister about quitting after this year. She told me that the economy was going to be bad for another 12-18 months with unemployment reaching 10 percent. That wasn't the encouraging answer I wanted.
Then, today turned out to be one of my best days yet. A majority of the kids engaged with my lessons. Learning creates so much electrifying energy! It was awesome to watch some of the ideas click for the kids. I know that this kind of excitement will lead to the tedium of classroom management and the students' frustration with some unruly concept that they can't master with ease. But, it's nice to have a glimpse of what I imagined teaching would be like.
I think I'm going to add another GK Chesterton quote to my 2009 mottos: "All is grist." Ever since I was 18, I'm overwhelmed by the mundanity and tedium of life. It's amazing how many things can go wrong. I imagined life would be far easier and pleasant than it is. Not that there aren't moments that exceed expectation, but they are vastly outnumbered by the tedious. But, all the disappointments and frustrations can be transformative. Nothing is lost, and not all gold glitters. I read this passage before I went to school: "The settled happiness and security which we all desire, God withholds from us by the very nature of the world: but joy, pleasure, and merriment, He has scattered broadcast. We are never safe, but we have plenty of fun, and some ecstasy. It is not hard to see why. The security we crave would teach us to rest our hearts in this world and oppose an obstacle to our return to God: a few moments of happy love, a landscape, a symphony, a merry meeting with our friends, a bathe or a football match, have no such tendency. Our Father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home."
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