i'm sick of the election

So, I escape into poetry. These are two poems I pour over again and again. These poems are an oasis of beauty and verbal precision.
....
As though the sun's rays, denied by angle
and position of the earth their customary
part, ricochet a thousand times among
the mirrored crystals, emerged more intense,
more light than light itself, so the man,
stumbling from thought to thought, catches
balance, a blinking new-born Lazarus....
-Gary Geddes, "Quality of Light"

In a time that breaks
in cutting pieces all around,
when men, voiceless
against thing-ridden men,
set themselves on fire, it seems
too difficult and rare
to think of the life of a man
grown whole in the world,
at peace and in place.
But having thought of it
I am beyond the time
I might have sold my hands
or sold my voice and mind
to the arguments of power
that go blind against
what they would destroy.
-Wendell Berry, "To Think of the Life of a Man"

It is as CSL said, "We read in order to know we are not alone." If one of my students falls in love with art or reading, all the forms, record-keeping,

crest

I've finally made it to the crest after paddling in the trough for so long. The workday was energizing and encouraging. The big picture began to reemerge for me. I found some awesome technology that will work well in my class. The Discovery Channel's United Streaming and some primary sources and biographical info to integrate into the basic survey that is my Social Studies class. I decided that I want to teach them the alphabet of Hebrew, Ancient Greek and Arabic... or at least introduce them to it. That will maybe store into their heads the Talmud, New Testament and the Koran. And, as we tack on Eastern languages we can add on their languages and holy writings. It'll be fun to compare Christian art to Muslim. Greek Orthodox/Byzantium to the Western. Good times. I think we're going to read "Rikki Tikki Tavi" next week. I also need to incorporate longer writing exercises. They can do it. Let me reiterate: I'm very excited about United Streaming and my other sources! Woohoo.

And, my P-touch arrived today. Voila, here is all the evidence you need to legitimate your suspicions of how exactly anal I am.

I'll turn out some brief reviews of the books I'm reading next week. Twilight, Shattered Dreams (Larry Crabb) and Attentive Life (Leighton Ford). And, I'm planning to see Body of Lies tomorrow. Lots of reviews... get pumped.

I've been sitting on the idea of getting out of my writing group. The idea was very freeing. I think I'll definitely take a respit (sp?) the rest of October and November.

news

For their journal entries today, I had my 7th graders respond to Picasso's "Girl Before the Mirror". Their response was mixed: "it is ugly" to "She looks into the mirror to see a different part of herself." "The face is messed up" to "There is a pencil in the painting." We talked about MoMA and the value of a Picasso and cubism. I found their engagement fascinating. Some of them were more willing to engage with the new and unknown and some instaneously dismissed it as stupid. I identify with both reactions-- sometimes I'm really open and curious and sometimes I'm in rolling-eyes mode. But, if they're like I am, I'm more open the second time round. I want them to grow familiar and comfortable with art. I want them to figure out what kind of art they connect with. I'm going to look at Byzantine next week. Then, Matisse, Debussy, Rothko, Van Gogh, etc.

I went to a meeting this afternoon about the new state-wide writing assessment. This year is a pilot year. It's whacked. I have to grade an extra 625 papers because of this and take a 20 hour course, which translates into over seventy hours of extra (and uncompensated) work. It took me about two hours to unwind from that news. I even blew steam at the opening of my aun'ts b-day party.

Tomorrow's a teacher workday. I'm excited to get some time to catch up on all my work.

fyi

Last night I went to bed at 9pm and slept till my alarm sounded at 5:30 am. By the time I'm 80, I'll be going to bed at 4:30pm... won't that be nice.

Oh, my kids are recognizing what a fabulous reader I am. They're coming to appreciate my genius, my expression and my humor. Sure.

fast week

I can't believe it's Wednesday night. Time zips on by me. I lose my temporal equilibrium in the same way I did when I swam long distance in a pool (forty laps) or run 2 miles on a track. I'm in class about 5 hours and was in meetings for over an hour-- managing students for an hour (bus riders and silent lunch) and then there is the face time/chat time building relationships (time with the guidance counselor, my teammate, other 7th grade teachers, EC teacher, janitors, et al) which probably equals an hour, there's administrative task time, straighten time, email parent time, and grade papers time. Of course, when I got to school my computer wouldn't boot. There was so much going on that my computer didn't even get a rise out of me.

I like my job more this week. It's a more manageable overwhelming. I'm realizing I can't do it all, and I have a ton to learn. I shouldn't berate myself but consider what I did and how I can improve upon it. The Chief reminds me to think about it as paid student teaching. We shall see.

And, the other exciting news: it looks like I might get hired as adjunct at a local university for the summer. What a groovy summer job! It beats being a cashier. I'll be teaching Church History which is a passion of mine. Not that I'm not a big fan of grammar and the parts of speech and elements of story. But, you know that I know you know that I'm terribly fond of the driest, churchiest history there is. Plus, it'll be a vacation to teach non prepubescent people. People who don't roll their eyes when I say, "Get out your journals" or bank paper off the ceiling while shooting it at the trashcan. I do have amusing stories to chronicles, but it takes a certain amount of breathing time until I find them stupid. Today I had some real doozies.

Thought of the day sans a verb: "Cheap grace and vague faith". What powerful and unexpected combinations.

game on

Butch fixed my car. The rhythmic thumping sound disappeared, but the alignment got wacked. My new right front wheel bearing set me back $234 instead of the estimated $370 (Butch looked up the wrong screen on Saturday morning). That was a pleasant surprise. I always go to Mom and Pop joints whenever possible; "Butch" is a fitting name for a mechanic-- maybe not for a heart surgeon. Fixed car is a definite relief, esp. since it wasn't the transmission or engine.

I don't have the temperment or the fortitude it takes to teach seventh grade. I cry, "Uncle" everyday before noon. I was ready to go home when I picked up my homeroom from gym. They were going ballistic, walking in the grass, picking at each other. I feel my prissiness come out: "Be civilized." And, I remark, "Unbelievable" when I'm utterly confounded by someone's antics. I had 2 things stolen from my desk Friday.

So, I'm going to cut out fun: there's going to be lots of seat work and a draconian discipline system. Screw my idea of an economy of plusses and minuses-- my little darlings stole some of the items I bought out of my cabinet I forgot to lock. If they get their name on the board: silent lunch. If they get a check beside their name: Redirect. Things are out of hand. It feels like I'm discipling and following through, but I must not be. I just to call parents every night a child misbehaves. Hell, what's another hour to a twelve hour day. And, I'm having issues with projectiles, so, I'm going to have them leave their bookbags at the front of the room. I did send some emails out to Department chairs for adjunct positions.

I'm going for a walk-- I'm too stressed to run. Walking is more cathartic for stress... running for anger.

And, I need to write and read more. I'm thinking that public school wasn't a good fit for me as a student and it isn't a good fit for me as a teacher. Perhaps, I'm relenquishing personal responsibility too readily.

bits and pieces

I'm going to A's grad party in DC November 1st. I'm getting excited. I'm going to stay with E. These women were my saving graces in my first post college year. Now, A will be Dr. A. We're getting old. It'll be good times. I need something outside of seventh grade and my puny, collapsible world to look forward to. I've been friends with these amazing women for about half my life (half come May). There is some deep consolation in tested friendship. I can share my rawest disappointments and laugh my dorkiest laugh with them. Yay, A!!! Yay, E!!!!! And, they're awesome and single-- I don't get all Bridget Jones around them... or just the charming aspects of her character. They get it.

I'm reading Twilight by Stephenie Meyer; it's very hip young adult fiction for girls. And, I can see why. Edward Cullen is one hot vampire. What girl or woman doesn't swoon at the thought that kind of unerring devotion from a worthy suitor? Which is why it's young adult fiction-- I catch myself rolling my eyes sometimes. Yet, I'm plowing through it like a Sumerian. We're going through the Fertile Crescent this week. I think I'm enjoying the ancient history far more than any of my students. Well, my two biggest geeks are enjoying it as much as I am.

It would be hyperbole to say that I ENJOY my job, but the weeks sure do fly by. Zoom, zoom. I'm going to reach the brink of my mortal flesh quickly at this grueling pace. But, it's better than watching time pass like an inch worm. Inch worms are so compellingly awkward-- we're soul mates.

I had a great Spiritual Direction appointment last night; he makes me laugh. We chatted about my perpetual disappointment. We decided I need to be more disciplined in journaling, Scripture reading and exercise. No big surprise there.