character vs. fate

I've been particularly inspired with my teaching as of late. I'm figuring out new ways to present ideas. For instance, I've been using images to teach vocabulary... and it works. All I have to say is "big eggplant shakes his finger at little eggplant" and my kids will say "admonish". And, I made 100-point font versions of the words and cut them out and color coded them for my kinesthetic (sp?) learners-- and they loved it. I've added this to the already popular "vocabulary charades"-- the kids ask to play it. I'm keen to see their test scores after this approach. When I do this kind of lesson, it's how I'd imagined teaching would be.

Today I decided to do visuals for my conflict presentation/ power point. I enjoyed it: the kids brought up interesting examples. And, it wasn't until I was drinking Pepsi and reading Mocking Bird at Ikea did one of my questions for my students hit me: "What are the types of conflict are in your life?" And, I realized so much of my angst is character vs. fate and character vs. self (i.e. internal). I rail against my life-- it's so not what I had in mind. And sometimes the dissonance between what I want and I what I have is suffocating. And, I don't know how to get to where I want... and sometimes I can't even name what I am pining after.

For instance, I'm Southern: I was born in the South to to Southerners. It doesn't get much more southern than that (each side is at least 4 generations back). Yet, as a friend observed, "You're the least southern Southerner I've ever met. I know transplants that are more southern than you." Then, last night I lifted my funk about (what feels like) my perpetual singleness by looking at pictures from various trips. It was a good reminder of some of the amazingness I've experienced that a lot of people will never experience. It eased the pain of not getting to experience a relationship. Travelling in Japan, Galapogos, Greece, Macchu Pichu isn't the same as having kids, but neither will they mutate into teenagers.

I think I need to come up with a schedule so that I stay busy with stuff that heads me in the direction that I want to go. Like tonight I should have studied and read instead of shopping without buying anything. I guess it was good encouragement to run since the pants were not a desirable fit and I didn't waste any money. But, otherwise, it was a waste of time. But, I need to focus on the positive.