I gave up FaceBook and soda for Lent. The FaceBook is going to be hard, but that's good. Technology is addictive in an unhealthy way. You're thinking "unhealthy" is redundant, but exercise is addictive too... in a healthy way. Plus, researchers say our diet makes us more natural addicts (this is according to my sister. I think she heard it on NPR).
It's also going to free up time. Eating represents very little time for me. I scarf down my meals because I'm in a hurry to do something else. At times, I make an effort to be civilized and actually set the table and drink wine with dinner. It feels both silly and delightful. I do enjoy food more when I slow down and am with someone.
I'm praying for direction in my job search and for some specific people who are also in transition. When a bishop was praying over me, he asked what the desire of my heart. It was incredibly intense. I realized I don't know the desire of my heart. That region is murky and unchartered. I'm afraid to really think about such things, I think. How worried I am about finding a job and my lack of self-knowledge demonstrate how teensy-weensy my faith is.
I'm reading Joel and TBD. I'm excited for Lent. It's such a time of authenticity. It's a time truly to look at one's frailty and mortality. I am not invincible. My sense of my own natural goodness is a joke. Yesterday, the art teacher told me I was judgmental, and I agreed with him. It's not a time for self-agrandizement. I have crooked, broken heart; it's part of being human. But, it's all in the context of Jesus' cross and resurrection.
We'll see how I do. This is going to be a much different Lent from last year when I did the Daniel Fast. I'm looking forward to Lent. There's something to be said for looking at the dark side of the moon. This week, a student said, "Blah, blah, blah," while I was talking about unions and the communist riot that happened in our county. I sometimes feel that way when it comes to grace and Jesus.
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