Adios 2011!!!!

If I were to summarize 2011 in a word, I'd choose from the thesaurus entry for "difficult". Something along the lines of arduous, treacherous, tough, relentless. There were glimmers of beauty among the rubble... and lots of unpackaged lessons lying around to be learned when my heart and soul were ready. I'm probably a littler rougher, tougher and more gentle for the wear.

Deciding to quit my job felt like a reasonable proposition-- I had nine interviews lined up. One out of nine seemed like legitimate odds. Oh, I learned: don't count your chickens before they hatch. I'm learning that confidence and hope have to lie outside of circumstances. I've always wondered what Paul meant to have his identity in Jesus alone and now I'm beginning to understand. It's not that circumstances aren't real, it's that they're transitory and ephemeral. The good and the bad are fleeting as the teacher in Ecclesiastes frames all of human life in terms of vapor.

Also along the lines of Ecclesiastes, enjoyment and fun are gifts. I feel like a spoiled-rotten little kid pouting at my birthday present because of the one gift I didn't receive who has completely lost sight of the twenty unwrapped ones that surround me. Employment is kind of a big deal when you don't have a trust fund, but it isn't everything. My uncle really brought this home to me when he exhorted me to run more. He reminded me that although it doesn't pay the bills, it's something a lot of people can't do. In Ecclesiastes, the teacher says that a rich man can only enjoy his riches if God lets him. How many miserable well off people are there? I think about the statistics regarding anti-depressants in North America. I really believe we've been especially conditioned in our materialistic culture to be unsatisfied and malcontent. What would happen to our economy if we were more concerned with loving people instead of impressing them? I'm learning how to care less about what people think about me and try to love and see them on their own terms.

"What is life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare." WH Davies

I have been living far below the poverty level for a couple of months now. Needless to say, I've made it because of family and friends. The friend I live with charges a very reasonable rent and letting me pay as I can. Friends and family either invite me to dinner or some half price fare that I can afford. And, I'm learning how little I really need. I used to try to buy something new when I went out on a date (especially a first date) but not now. I can't. And, I'm realizing the success of the date has little to do with my outfit... it has more to do with my hair and makeup (just kidding). Not spending time shopping and wanting stuff frees up a lot of time and energy... so I can run... and think deep (?) thoughts.

Anyway, I'm reading three books right now and I need to finish two of them by tomorrow. Adios.