Some people think the rapture is happening this Saturday. That should put a little pep in your step if you're into that kind of thing. Of course, that makes me think about my first year of teaching when I planned a field trip to the Raptor Center. A lot of my pentecostal and other fundamental-ish students were interested how a Rapture Center would work. I then got to explain the pun. But, I can't see that misunderstanding happening in too many parts of the world.
The next four weeks of school are going to be pandemonium. There's an advantage to knowing that, I guess. I also know that the chaos will fly by.
My Sunday night Bible Study is on the Sermon on the Mount. We studied "love your enemies" tonight. The whole study has been challenging. Tonight my take away was that loving my enemies ultimately comes down to trust in God. I'm also developing a passion for Psalm 37. I'm always taken back how deeply imbedded the Psalms and Pentateuch are in Jesus' words. He knew Scripture. Of course, he is the Word. The Sermon on the Mount is a good reminder of the mystery and challenge of the Christian faith. I'm not sure how Jesus would feel/react to followers being concerned about figuring out the date of the rapture-- or about other ones judging them.
(I wrote this May 15th-- so the dates are a little off.)
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
excitement with numbers
I'm really excited about my birthday! I'm turning 32 on Monday, May 2. You're thinking, "Um, okay. You're getting old." But, you're missing the momentous coolness of this birthday.
32 is 2 to the 5th power (2x2x2x2x2). And the second of May is 5/2. Therefore, I'm turning 2 to the 5th on 5/2. It's like inverted genius. You know how people have golden birthdays: it's the year you turn the date of your birthday. In case you're unfamiliar with this concept, my birthday is the 2nd, so my golden birthday was when I turned two. My sister's birthday is on the 14th so hers was when she turned 14.
But, what is awesome about tomorrow's birthday is that it incorporates the day and the month... and EXPONENTS. I feel that this is omen of awesomeness for the year! Who knows what's going to happen? I may meet my soulmate, travel to India, write a best-selling novel, learn Hebrew, develop all the fruits of the spirit, get the coolest job ever or get accepted into a dream PhD program without applying. God's into numbers-- read Revelation. Then again, he's not into numbers in a Nostradamus sort of a way.
Plus, I'm really digging my thirties. I'm more relaxed and cooler. I was on this first date ("the interview" as my brother calls it) with this guy who was 32. He was talking about how old we were. I was thinking, "Speak for yourself!" It was our only date. I agree with my favorite professor's take on aging; he said the only thing he missed about his twenties was his body. He didn't miss the neurosis, the self doubt, the drama-- just the six-pack abs and being able to swim a fast mile.
32 is 2 to the 5th power (2x2x2x2x2). And the second of May is 5/2. Therefore, I'm turning 2 to the 5th on 5/2. It's like inverted genius. You know how people have golden birthdays: it's the year you turn the date of your birthday. In case you're unfamiliar with this concept, my birthday is the 2nd, so my golden birthday was when I turned two. My sister's birthday is on the 14th so hers was when she turned 14.
But, what is awesome about tomorrow's birthday is that it incorporates the day and the month... and EXPONENTS. I feel that this is omen of awesomeness for the year! Who knows what's going to happen? I may meet my soulmate, travel to India, write a best-selling novel, learn Hebrew, develop all the fruits of the spirit, get the coolest job ever or get accepted into a dream PhD program without applying. God's into numbers-- read Revelation. Then again, he's not into numbers in a Nostradamus sort of a way.
Plus, I'm really digging my thirties. I'm more relaxed and cooler. I was on this first date ("the interview" as my brother calls it) with this guy who was 32. He was talking about how old we were. I was thinking, "Speak for yourself!" It was our only date. I agree with my favorite professor's take on aging; he said the only thing he missed about his twenties was his body. He didn't miss the neurosis, the self doubt, the drama-- just the six-pack abs and being able to swim a fast mile.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
cage match: gutsy v. prudent
"Dream no small dreams, for they have no power to move the hearts of man." - Goethe
I'm full of angst about getting my certification. I could secure my job for next year by enrolling in 5 education classes by June 30th. But, I don't want my job for next year. This whole week I was full of dread about going back. But, it's a tough economy and I have no guarantee for a job. And, I know what it's like to be unemployed.
There's always the option of keeping my job, and letting it be just that-- a job. But, I have no respect for people who treat teaching like that; it's not like you're merely filing papers. I believe it's relational-- even soulful. It requires passion for the student and the material. I feel used (to the point of feeling dirty) and completely unappreciated when I enter the classroom. There's an hour of my day that isn't a fight.
How do you know if you're seeking God's will or calling your desires God's will? How do you know you're being good and true versus being lazy and impatient? And by "you", I mean "me". Three years seems a long time to me, but by Biblical standards, it's nothing. I haven't had some sage say to me, "Young Grasshopper, it's time for you to change jobs."
I am having a change of heart in regards to Charlotte as I mentioned in my previous post. Yet, I'm growing more restless with my job. That's problematic. But, as I was running this evening, I was thinking about having to pry my faith out of the context of the American dream. I so want a good life. But, I want it both ways: I want a comfortable middle class life and a fulfilling job. I want to grow in my knowledge of and relationship with God without any cost or discomfort.
Kierkegaard wrote, "Purity of heart is to will one thing." Monasticism has the idea of singleness of heart, too, even though most people claim it has to do with living alone. (Newsflash: monks have never lived alone-- even the hermits in the desert had lose federations that gathered for worship and functioned as support. And, the hermits were known for their hospitality.)
So just writing these paragraphs has helped me to reframe my question. Maybe I'm too focused on what I'm doing... or not doing, when I should be focused how I'm doing it, with what attitude and for whom. I want it both ways in wanting to be significant by God's standards and by the world's standards. I want to impact people's lives and get a spread in O magazine sharing with people how awesome I am. Some believers manage, but they're few and far between. This reminds me of what my writing prof at Regent would tell us about our writing: "You're in charge of the depth. God's in charge of the breadth."
I want a job that I get my undisclosed strengths. I like writing, reading, thinking, planning, communicating. I also like doing and moving around. The Johnson O'Connor told me that I should teach, write or start my own business. And, they said I should teach adults. So, maybe, once again, I've hit on something. I could volunteer and maybe lead a Bible study at my church for practice. I could look into teaching at Community Colleges and GRE programs and literacy programs.
Prudence used to be girl's name; it isn't any longer. I don't think we see it as a worthwhile character trait anymore. We've replaced prudence with greed and self-reliance, which aren't nearly the same thing.
I'm full of angst about getting my certification. I could secure my job for next year by enrolling in 5 education classes by June 30th. But, I don't want my job for next year. This whole week I was full of dread about going back. But, it's a tough economy and I have no guarantee for a job. And, I know what it's like to be unemployed.
There's always the option of keeping my job, and letting it be just that-- a job. But, I have no respect for people who treat teaching like that; it's not like you're merely filing papers. I believe it's relational-- even soulful. It requires passion for the student and the material. I feel used (to the point of feeling dirty) and completely unappreciated when I enter the classroom. There's an hour of my day that isn't a fight.
How do you know if you're seeking God's will or calling your desires God's will? How do you know you're being good and true versus being lazy and impatient? And by "you", I mean "me". Three years seems a long time to me, but by Biblical standards, it's nothing. I haven't had some sage say to me, "Young Grasshopper, it's time for you to change jobs."
I am having a change of heart in regards to Charlotte as I mentioned in my previous post. Yet, I'm growing more restless with my job. That's problematic. But, as I was running this evening, I was thinking about having to pry my faith out of the context of the American dream. I so want a good life. But, I want it both ways: I want a comfortable middle class life and a fulfilling job. I want to grow in my knowledge of and relationship with God without any cost or discomfort.
Kierkegaard wrote, "Purity of heart is to will one thing." Monasticism has the idea of singleness of heart, too, even though most people claim it has to do with living alone. (Newsflash: monks have never lived alone-- even the hermits in the desert had lose federations that gathered for worship and functioned as support. And, the hermits were known for their hospitality.)
So just writing these paragraphs has helped me to reframe my question. Maybe I'm too focused on what I'm doing... or not doing, when I should be focused how I'm doing it, with what attitude and for whom. I want it both ways in wanting to be significant by God's standards and by the world's standards. I want to impact people's lives and get a spread in O magazine sharing with people how awesome I am. Some believers manage, but they're few and far between. This reminds me of what my writing prof at Regent would tell us about our writing: "You're in charge of the depth. God's in charge of the breadth."
I want a job that I get my undisclosed strengths. I like writing, reading, thinking, planning, communicating. I also like doing and moving around. The Johnson O'Connor told me that I should teach, write or start my own business. And, they said I should teach adults. So, maybe, once again, I've hit on something. I could volunteer and maybe lead a Bible study at my church for practice. I could look into teaching at Community Colleges and GRE programs and literacy programs.
Prudence used to be girl's name; it isn't any longer. I don't think we see it as a worthwhile character trait anymore. We've replaced prudence with greed and self-reliance, which aren't nearly the same thing.
Friday, April 29, 2011
public transit ain't American
Last night I confessed to my sister that I'm actually coming to a truce with Charlotte. It's to the point that I even bought some "art" for my apartment. It is a pretty city... beautiful trees, grass, brick, skyscrapers, cemeteries, funky little restaurants, daffodils. It smells good at night. There are things to do... even if you have to go into public places and ease drop in order to find out. There is art... even though it's locked up most of the time in pretty museums. There are cool people casted as bankers, housewives and other drone-like roles. There's good running in walking in some areas. I saw an owl on my street last week, which was cool after I got unfreaked out from seeing it fly in peripheral vision.
But there's one thing I hate: being dependent on a car. I don't like to drive. I resent having to own a car and spend tons of time in traffic. Of course, I pointed out to her that I lived for three years in Vancouver without a car. I survived with a bike and a bus pass-- that's the good life. I didn't have a car in Japan either. My rational and relentlessly intelligent sister asked, "What American cities that you'd want to live in have good public transit?" I started to hem and haw. New York. She said, "It's probably the best the US has to offer, but you still can't get across Central Park on public transportation. The metro has crappy hours. The El and T are problematic. And, MARTA is a total joke." I pointed Portland has good transport, but my sister doesn't really consider Oregon and Washington as legitimate parts of the US. They're misallocated Canadian provinces to her way of thinking. This is to say she ignored me.
She said, "Germany has excellent public transit. It also has a different tax system, culture and mentality. Public transit goes against our fierce individuality and our resistance to government involvement and control."
She's right. It's not just Charlotte; it's anywhere in the US. I've fought feeling at home here all of my life for just and unjust causes alike. I guess I'm going to file public transit as a lost cause.
But there's one thing I hate: being dependent on a car. I don't like to drive. I resent having to own a car and spend tons of time in traffic. Of course, I pointed out to her that I lived for three years in Vancouver without a car. I survived with a bike and a bus pass-- that's the good life. I didn't have a car in Japan either. My rational and relentlessly intelligent sister asked, "What American cities that you'd want to live in have good public transit?" I started to hem and haw. New York. She said, "It's probably the best the US has to offer, but you still can't get across Central Park on public transportation. The metro has crappy hours. The El and T are problematic. And, MARTA is a total joke." I pointed Portland has good transport, but my sister doesn't really consider Oregon and Washington as legitimate parts of the US. They're misallocated Canadian provinces to her way of thinking. This is to say she ignored me.
She said, "Germany has excellent public transit. It also has a different tax system, culture and mentality. Public transit goes against our fierce individuality and our resistance to government involvement and control."
She's right. It's not just Charlotte; it's anywhere in the US. I've fought feeling at home here all of my life for just and unjust causes alike. I guess I'm going to file public transit as a lost cause.
Monday, April 25, 2011
rejection
Adventure and risk are exciting and exhiliarating, but rejection is no fun. I had an amazing couple of weeks of adventure: interviews, dates, etcetera. But, then, there's the waiting time. Then, there's the no thank you. I got a rejection letter from a school I interviewed with two weeks ago. Then, to add insult to injury, I got a rejection letter from a school I did NOT apply to. I have to admit the latter had a little less sting, but it was out of right field weird.
My second day of spring break was fairly productive... now I'm waiting on a friend to call. I guess, I need to go on a walk or something.
My second day of spring break was fairly productive... now I'm waiting on a friend to call. I guess, I need to go on a walk or something.
Monday, March 14, 2011
wanted: flexibility
I heard back from the SAT prep cram school; they found "a more flexible teacher". When I texted my sister this news, she responded, "So the other person does more yoga?!" Probably that and doesn't have a full-time job. So I'm bummed but moving on.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
ACC Tournament
I love college basketball. It's about the only sport I get excited about being a spectator. On occasion, there's a good football game. Baseball and hockey games are fun to attend. But, college basketball is so much fun! The ACC tournament wasn't pretty, but it was exciting. UNC lost in the final by a lot (17 points), but it's okay because the past two times we've lost in the final we went on to win the NCAA tournament. Woohoo! We're a really young team with a sick amount of raw talent, but we play messy.
UNC's first two games were studies in double digit comebacks. I was struck by how evident momentum is in a game, and how it shifts from team to team. It seemed like a metaphor for life. It's beautiful when it's your team that goes on a 12-0 streak, but it's infuriating when it's the other way around. Sometimes everything is going the way you want it to, and there are other times when you get stopped by all eight stoplights. There are bad calls. But, a player has to stay in the game. A commentator said he liked how Harrison Barnes was willing himself into the game. I need to talk to my students about this "willing himself into the game", and I need to remind myself of it too in my job search and life in general. I stopped running because I was sick, but now I've got to make up the lost time and get myself back to where I was.
As for the job search, I was really struck by this passage when reading Hebrews this morning, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross.... Consider him... so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." In this, there's a since of order, but it seems like Jesus as author has a very different perspective on my life than I do. There's an awful lot of references to the cross and suffering and perseverance; it's enough to make a believer a little nervous. But, maybe it's like UNC basketball, it's okay to lose the conference championship because it spurs you on to win the National.
UNC's first two games were studies in double digit comebacks. I was struck by how evident momentum is in a game, and how it shifts from team to team. It seemed like a metaphor for life. It's beautiful when it's your team that goes on a 12-0 streak, but it's infuriating when it's the other way around. Sometimes everything is going the way you want it to, and there are other times when you get stopped by all eight stoplights. There are bad calls. But, a player has to stay in the game. A commentator said he liked how Harrison Barnes was willing himself into the game. I need to talk to my students about this "willing himself into the game", and I need to remind myself of it too in my job search and life in general. I stopped running because I was sick, but now I've got to make up the lost time and get myself back to where I was.
As for the job search, I was really struck by this passage when reading Hebrews this morning, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross.... Consider him... so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." In this, there's a since of order, but it seems like Jesus as author has a very different perspective on my life than I do. There's an awful lot of references to the cross and suffering and perseverance; it's enough to make a believer a little nervous. But, maybe it's like UNC basketball, it's okay to lose the conference championship because it spurs you on to win the National.
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