you are beginning to feel relaxed

"Now release your buttocks. The lower part of your body is beginning to relax....

"Breath in two three....

"You may feel the sensation of flowing or heaviness. Both of these are normal."

I'm listening to this ridiculous CD partly because of curiosity (it's always been in my stack), humor and the local classical station is playing something brassy and full of percussion. Super. Listening to this brings back the good times of watching my roommate's Billy Blanks' Tae Bo DVDs. Just watching them... well, watching them and eating popcorn. It's much sillier when one is watching than participating. "Geez, Billy, you're earnest and shiny." Like now, I'm focusing on the Sleep Expert's excellent ennunciation and the flat affect of his voice in Progressive Muscle Relax.

It's the kind of voice I needed to hear today when a student broke a planter in my room. Or, when the instructional assistant didn't show. Or, when I found out about the surprise faculty meeting. Or, when the parent showed up for a tete at tete. Or, when my awesome writing activity bombed. I asked, "Do you know what 'original' means?" A student eagerly answered, "Something you do every day." I responded by directing a student to look up "original" in the Dictionary. Huh, fresh and unusual.

Breathe in one two three. Out one two three. Now imagine you're on any beautiful beach of your own choosing. Thanks, sleep expert, I like options in imaginary beaches.

So, I had sardines and salteens for dinner and topped it off with a gratuitous amount of chocolate chip cookie dough. "Vomit" isn't so gross right now.

Did I forget to mention that I replied to my teammate's chipper comment: "All I do is try to help you" with "That is what you always say." Then, proceeded to tell her where her party line broke down with specific examples. Why, yes, I did piss her off. But, she was far less bossy opinionated and yankee after that.

Thanks for listening. I'm off to grade and record a 5" stack of papers.

I love my job, John Tesh. I love my job, John Tesh. Play on, John Tesh. Breathe one two three.