when is "too late"?

In the past three days, I've gotten two responses to emails in mid-June.  I'd forgotten that I'd sent the emails.  I had to read the email I sent one friend to figure out why he was emailing me.  That said, all was not in vain. I enjoyed reading my email; it was quite witty.  I have no idea what took him so long to respond... maybe he was intimidated.  I just responded my question had been rendered moot by time.

This highlights my sense of time-- it's off kilter.  Partly due to this, I am feeling a deep ambivalence towards making plans... and life in general.  I realize at this juncture that I have waaaaaaaaaay too much time on my hands to analyze and worry, and most people don't have the luxury.  I've always been prone to over analysis and now can fully indulge it.

Time is a luxury.  The problem is that I'm to anxious, stressed and worried to use it well.  And it affects my sleep patterns: it's a vicious pattern. I'm sure everybody had experienced it. There are days I can't read because I can't concentrate.  My sense of reality has morphed into fun-house mirrors.  Major problems get dwarfed by little problems, and it's hard to find a way out of the mental maze.  Prayer and people seem to normalize the patterns and eliminate some of the anxiety.

I picked up Streams in the Desert at the ReStore yesterday.  Yesterday's devotional was on waiting patiently.  I read it in the store, and it made me mad.  So many people have implied that I'm not trying hard enough or have done something wrong to be unemployed, that I should have felt relief.  What does waiting look like?  What's my responsibility in it?  All the tension between faith and action-- I must be looking at something incorrectly.  All this said, I bought the book for $2.