"doubt"

To deny the existence of God may... involve less unbelief than the smallest yielding to doubt of His goodness. I say yielding; for a man may be haunted with doubts, and only grow thereby in faith. Doubts are messengers of the Living One to the honest. They are the first knock at our door of things that are not yet, but have to be understood.... Doubt must precede every deeper assurance; for uncertainties are what we first see when we look into a region hitherto unknown, unexplored, unannexed.     -George MacDonald (Unspoken Sermons, Series 2, The Voice of Job)

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George MacDonald mentored CS Lewis through his writing.  The great Scot was formative in the Brit's  thought and spiritual life.  They were kindred spirits.

It's so humbling to think these guys are the communion of saints we are called to take part.  What would I do to share a beer with these guys or amble down a dirt road jabbering away.

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I shared my faith a week ago with an atheist.  It's been a long time since I've flat-out had a conversation about Jesus with a non Christian.  I'll talk vaguely about my faith but this was more than vague.  My friend honored me and I him as we discussed how we'd wrestled with God and the conclusions we'd earned. It was a beautiful, brutally honest conversation.

He's a keen guy that's lived a hard life.  I have more respect for his atheism than I have for a complacent Christianity.  I felt a lot of freedom in knowing that God can stand up to any scrutiny including his.  The conversation was also a reminder of how we can hide our hurt within the bounds of reason and logic.  It reminded me of John Donne's "Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captiv'd, and proves weak or untrue" in "Batter My Heart".  

I firmly believe what this friend needs more than anything is Jesus.