naming ceremony

After talking with M on the phone for an hour, I decided I needed to name my vegetables. Precedent? The Chief named her gardenias: Goliath and Peanut. I soon got overwhelmed with what motif to name them. Are they girls or boys? What do you name vegetables? But, I needed to name them because, let's face it, it's way more fun to write about Goliath than "the large garenia plant".

Come to find out, my vegetable plants are girls because they're beautiful, productive hard workers. Let me introduce my cast of garden characters:

Catherine of Siena is Grape tomato plant #1.
Teresa of Avila is Grape tomato plant #2. Since there are two identical plants, I decided to name them after the two female doctors of the Church.

Elizabeth is the name of the heirloom tomato. Elizabeth the First.

Kate Bushnell is the squash container. Squash is prolific and travels just like Kate.

Golda Meir is the yellow bell pepper. So, it's a little punny, but there's no messing with this lady.

Medea is the organic red bell pepper. Hell hath no fury... and red is the color of passion. And, Euripides is my favorite Greek tragedian.

Theodora is the red bell pepper. A Byzantine empress with no aversion to blood.

Hojo Masako is the Japanese eggplant's name. She goes by Masako.

Athena, the gray-eyed goddess, is the peppermint.

Hera is the orange mint.

Hillary is the cucumber plant. She's tenacious but the heat's taking it out of her.

I decided to name them after historic and fictional women (excepting Hills) instead of friends because I would feel terrible and awkward if I killed Bonnie, for instance. Kate's already dead and Athena immortal: they can take the hits. Hills is used to it. Next year, when I'm a more experienced gardener, there will be a Betty for sure.

No doubt you'll be reading more about these lovely, ambitious ladies.

I was chatting with The Chief about the attrition rate. She clarifies, "By "attrition rate" you mean you're expecting some of them to die."

-Yes. Die or not produce.

-Well.

She wasn't pleased to hear my callous attitude about her great, great grandbabies. But, it needs to be noted that the Chief told me to keep a tally of expenses to see how much my latest adventure costs. It's as my brother says, "Being a hippy takes money." Along those lines, I told the high-school girl ringing me up at the nursery: "These sure are expensive vegetables." She avoided answering me by proceeding to tell me about her Grandma's garden.

Now, I need to read up on composting because it makes a lot of sense. I did it in Vancouver.

(Afterthought: Alas, I come across as a little crazy in this post.)