bad move, good move

I shopped for Christmas gifts today. My motivation this morning ran along these lines: "it's only going to get worse." I'm not sure what the "it" is, but that was my pessimistic beginning. I drove to Charlotte and treated myself to "a healthy lunch". Then, I strolled over to the new Barnes & Noble. This was a bad move because I spent over an hour tooling around buying books mostly for my students and me. Books are my downfall; if I ever do a budget cut-- the books get nixed. I'm a moth and the rows of literature, kid lit and theology are the flames of my ruin. I was supposed to be shopping for other people for Christmas not looking for nifty reading comprehension exercises and (oohooh) what Peterson and L'Engle they had. But, I started a theme gift for my aunt that I continued throughout the day. I also found a present for my spiritual director.

I was tempted to leave the mall right after walking into it. I found all the stuff, the people, the bright lights, and the chirpy music revolting. Good move: I soldiered through the urge to vacate. It's hard to shop for clothes when you're buying for yourself; it's even harder when you're buying for somebody else. But, I found groovy gifts for my siblings. And, I found a top and pants for my professional life. My size was a little snug; this isn't a convenient time for sizes to be feeling snug. Clothes snug is different than boyfriend snuggle; in some circles, they're mutually exclusive. I started getting depressed then I realized that this something that I have control over. It's difficult to exercise and eat well with my work schedule, but I can make health a priority. I can be conscious of what I'm stuffing into my mouth so that I want look like a stuffed sausage in my outfits.