tooth 19

Tooth 19 had a cavity; I got it filled at 2pm. My dentist kept talking about a hypothetical situation of a guy wearing my "festive shoes". The dental hygienist and I disturbed him by saying that without a doubt, somewhere in this world, there's a guy who wears silver metallic shoes with "jewels". When he was finished, he told me, "Don't bite your tongue." Thanks, man.

I was late because I lost track of time because I was enjoying my brunch with Marcia. It was so good to spend time with this lady. She's a role model of my high school's motto: function in disaster, finish in style, remain calm at the center of your being. She's so gracious and joyful and authentic; her faith is completely present and lived in. We chatted, chatted, chatted. She's an elixir. She buoyed my spirits. She patiently reminds me that there is more than one way to frame a situation. Perspective is key: God loves and wants what's best. Yay, friends. (And, I complain I have no kindred spirits in this neck of the woods.)

So, it's the New Year: time to evaluate, and take necessary actions. Under consideration: do I stay in my writing group? I'm leaning towards no (I can't see improvement in my writing-- if anything, it's deteriorating), but I enjoy the comraderie. I want to start a theological book club. I need to train for a race; do I get a personal trainer?

I need to find a job I like or find something redeemable in my job: it really looks as if I'm stuck in this death for another year (I just read Dylan Thomas wrote, "A job is death without dignity", which struck a cord: exactly). Things could be worse, I could be an amputee with this job.

Last week a friend asked me: How did your first semester go? I wrote: (It was) excruciating. She responded: I hope you mean painful, but a blessing to others. Her comment set my thoughts reeling.

I am learning a lot: I'm a dreadful communicator-- I just expect people to know my expectations. I'm also learning a lot about myself and people in general in dealing with my students. For instance, I use a more complex form of their "My pencil got lost" logic. But to answer her question, I do think I'm impacting some of my students. And, one of the custodians calls me the little sister he's always wanted. And, my observations are 90-95% positive. It's just that I feel lied to and taken advantage of (The whole writing assessment extra 130 hours of uncompensated work, the being told I'd get paid on my master's and that I'd have 21 students in a class, etc). I told D and M, "I use none of my strengths; it's to the point I question if I have any strengths."

And, do I start a dating campaign: a romance blitz. I'm not a Disney princess with a Prince Charming waiting in the wings. I really need to find a church. Maybe Lutheran; I've been so concentrated on Anglican that this high-church option slipped my mind.