results unimpressive

I woke up in the middle of the night to find that it was three minutes before my alarm was to sound. I felt both relief and anguish. The first day back was rougher than I had anticipated due to my students being awake and happy to see one another.

My "seek the good" at work was sorely tested by both printers being out of toner (they were out of toner before we left for Christmas) and a student saying about Greek mythology, "This is stupid. When am I ever going to USE Greek mythology!" What a bizarre and depressing idea: using a story. It's such a consumer mentality. I guess I consider ideas and stories on the same plane as friends-- there's an intrinsic value and usefulness even if you don't get to use them per se.

It's so much easier to be holy when reading theology than when teaching middle school. Every once in a while I get a glimpse of the weight and awesomeness of my students' souls, but a lot of the time they feel like punks. I wanted to ask three kids in my last class, "Why did you bother showing up to school today? Seriously, why did you bother?" I refrained.

My mom reminds me that I have no idea what they went through over break, which is true. Some of these kids have rough lives. It's just that I wish they wouldn't fight me on everything. One kid yelled at me at least five times-- I didn't send him out because that's precisely what he wanted. Most of the other students are to the point with him they just roll their eyes. I'm perfecting what my mom refers to as the "flat affect". I don't raise my voice; I just repeat myself like a broken record until I get what he wants. I was not very loving today; but, at least I didn't yell.

My students' journal entry was a minimum of five goals for 2011. I told them the more specific the better. Some of them took it seriously.

I also found out that I'm eligible for some loan forgiveness by teaching at my school; however, I have to teach for five years. I don't think the tax free 5k is worth that price. Teaching students that don't want to be in school drains a teacher. Teaching in a school system that doesn't value learning and thought puts a strain on a teacher as well. This job would wear Richard Simmons down.

My highlight of the day came at the expense of breaking one of my goals: I went out to eat with my mom and brother. But, it was worth it. We talked about Medusa and cuties. There's just something to be said for shared history.